Donald Trump 2.0 Loves Rosie, Loses The Hair
The Learning Annex's traveling "Real Estate and Wealth Expo" stopped by the Toronto Convention Center recently, where citizens eagerly shelled out however many Loonies were required of them in order to gain an audience with The Pope of Classiness himself, Donald Trump. Some mischievous locals couldn't resist tampering with the billboards, however, turning them into proposals and public declarations of love for the object of his lusty, fat pig affections, Rosie O'Donnell. (A pairing we've long fantasized about.) In other self-whoring news, Trump has just announced he will be putting perhaps his most recognizable asset on the line in the name of publicity charity:
On April 1, [Vince McMahon] and Donald Trump will have a wrestler compete on each's behalf in the "Battle of the Billionaires" at WrestleMania 23 in Detroit — the WWE's biggest annual pay-per-view event.
If Umaga beats Bobby Lashley, McMahon will give Trump what some might call a long-overdue buzz. If Lashley, Trump's rep, wins, McMahon will sport a new look. [...]
Trump, 60, was hesitant to participate. He said the 61-year-old McMahon persuaded him by making a "sizable" donation to charity. Both Trump and McMahon will donate their checks, an amount McMahon said should exceed $5 million.
Indeed, based on our initial, surface assessment of the Samoan Brontosaurus in McMahon's corner, we anticipate Trump might soon be kissing his trademarked, candy-floss combover goodbye. Still, in the stringently legitimate and unpredictable world of professional wrestling, anything is possible; should the great Umaga fall, WWE watchers might instead be treated to McMahon's "new look," which approximately 8000 press releases in our inbox tell us is also a head-shaving. Still, knowing Trump, his public shaming will be the greatest in the world, subjecting his foe not just to forced baldness, but also the retina-searing image of the real estate baron parading his new gimp-slave around the ring wearing nothing but assless chaps.
