· Get ready to get rich! Donald Trump's in town, and he's giving the greatest wealth-building seminar in the entire world! By the time you step out of that conference room, you'll have ten buildings named after you and an age-inappropriate model wife begging to have your babies—guaranteed!
· This season on Nip/Tuck: Dr. McMahon and Dr. Troy meet with Nicole Kidman, ask her what she doesn't like about herself, then lean in closely as she tries to show them a two-inch patch behind her left ear that's never been touched by a needle or scalpel.
· We hope that this guy at least waits until the tailpipe cools off before going to town on an Audi that's really asking for it.
· Hey, unicorn!

Residents of the Trump World Tower were undoubtedly delighted to discover, in their mailboxes, special VIP invitations to an extra-special wealth creation seminar from Donald Trump! He's going to let everyone in on all the extra-secret strategies that he's used to become fabulously rich, and he wants everyone to be a part of it. And he's enlisted his (hotter) son to begin doing his dirty work!

Oh, God, today's Lloyd Grove piece on Barbara Walters. The thesis: Barbara was badly damaged during the recent Donald Trump/Rosie O'Donnell contretemps. The question: Can she survive the age of blabbermouth stardom? The article: A semi-competent rehash of everything you've seen about Walters in the last twenty years, written around a subject who wouldn't talk directly to the author, but who did offer plenty of friends to give quotes. We can handily save you the agony of reading the whole thing.

· So what were the mayor and Paris Hilton gabbing about at the Grammys after-party the other night? Music, of course, and maybe a little bit about her thoughts on his citywide WiFi initiative.
· Burglars are loose in the Hollywood Hills! No worries, though, as it seems they're only targeting millionaire country stars.
· Mallfight!
· Don't think for a second that Ivanka Trump is some kind of spoiled brat: The Donald would take that house away from her so fast if she ever missed a mortgage payment.

Ahh, Michael Kors. Who doesn't love fashion's tallest oompa loompa? So memorably bitchy on Proj. Run, so unmemorable when it comes to his tasteful brown garments. Still, we dispatched Gawker photographer (we're not going to be cute about it again, the man is just a photographer, damn it) Nikola Tamindzic to document Kors's Fall collection, and he came back with the shot above, among others. Isn't it pretty much the best thing you've ever seen in your entire life? Not only does it articulate exactly where the models are supposed to walk (up the runway and then back, with a pause at the end — really??), it instructs them in a Dee-licious Dichotomy! They are Young Gorgeous and have Bank Accounts around the World! We understand the stiff, pained smiles so many of them sported on the runway so much better now. Anyway, Donald and Melania and Raisin Face Zoe, among others, seemed to enjoy it. Nikola's full gallery can be found here.

Former Donald Trump lieutenantess Carolyn Kepcher may have left-slash-got-fired from the Trump Organization last summer, but she's still got a lot of wisdom to impart about how to deal with bosses. She doesn't name any names, so it would be a really fun game to try to figure out who she's talking about in today's Daily News. (N.B.: Keep in mind that before starting to work for Trump in 1994, her work experience consisted of selling Avon products, working as a waitress and restaurant manager, and working in sales at a no-name golf course near New York.) Here's what she had to say:

When Donald Trump decided to try and revive his flagging Apprentice franchise by relocating it to Los Angeles, it guaranteed that he'd have access to local talent pre-degraded by jobs in the entertainment industry, for whom a potential Trump Organization imprisonment in a supply closet on an unfinished golf course would seem an appealing career option. But since employers here might not be so eager to lend their personnel to a weeks-long, televised job interview, contestants like entertainment lawyers Derek Arteta (of New Line) and Kristine Lefebvre (fret not, "The Lawyer in Me" section of her personal site is just a professional bio, not work in some legal-themed pornography) had to sneak off under the cover of "personal time" to do the show. THR, Esq. reports that their "vacationing" co-workers learned of their reality TV activities only after the cast was announced, but were nonetheless supportive of their dreams of Trump-branded subjugation:

After yesterday's wall-to-wall orgy of Golden Globes coverage, we've been resisting a return to the ceremony, hoping to avoid a flashback of the nightmares we suffered of being suffocated by Ken Davitian's Best Supporting Anus that might be induced by further references to Sacha Baron Cohen's victory speech. But we think that our Globes-free morning has probably liberated us from that hairy, strangling sphincter's grip on our unconscious mind, so we can now share this exchange overheard at the event by The Envelope's Kudos Crasher, in which two of show business's most accomplished egotists narrowly averted engaging in a tie-breaking dick-measuring contest after reaching a stalemate on a brief Walk of Fame placement showdown:

Capping a round of unparalleled media saturation that began with his Miss USA pardon, then quickly segued into his well-documented musings on Rosie O'Donnell's unbecoming height-weight ratio, the underwhelming premiere of Apprentice: L.A., and his conspicuous, NBC-underwritten presence at last night's Golden Globes, comes the cherry on top of Donald Trump's overexposure sundae: a star on the Walk of Fame.

· Warner Bros. announces a deal with Fox-owned stations for a daily show based on website TMZ.com. Think an "edgier" Insider or E.T., but with regular segments devoted to video of Brandon "The Firecrotch Guy" Davis entering and exiting Hyde and an onscreen bug devoted to monitoring exactly how much gas is in Paris Hilton's car at any given moment. [Variety]
· Finally, the words we've been patiently awaiting while lamenting a singular talent being wasted on party-hosting and horse-auction gigs: "Tara Reid is attached to star in and executive produce the indie romantic comedy Honestly," the story of "a hard-boiled private eye who works as a temptress to test the fidelity of philandering husbands" (and then, of course, eventually falls for her mistress-diddling quarry) . Even more touching: It's being directed by her brother. [THR]
· The highest-rated Globes in three years earns NBC a Monday night ratings win, a victory that Donald Trump will soon attribute to his frequent appearance on camera due to his Apprentice-promoting placement at The Greatest Golden Globes Table in the World. [Variety]
· Netflix debuts its new online Watch Now video-on-demand program, which lets customers stream movies and TV shows over the internets free of charge. [THR]
· Now you can say it with authority: Germans think Ben Stiller is funnier than Hitler, as Night at the Museum holds off Third Reich yukfest My Fuhrer - The Absolutely Truest Truth About Adolf Hitler at the Teutonic box office. [Variety]

In the third scandal to rock the Miss USA pageant — the cherished American institution that no one had heard of until a few weeks ago — Miss New Jersey Ashley Harder announced yesterday that she will resign her title because she is great with child. Pageant owner Donald Trump's response was a "terse" "I wish her well," delivered via a spokeswoman, according to the Daily News. 20 year old Harder, who is a host on a Philadelphia TV station, plans to marry her 28 year old live-in boyfriend "at some point." And also according to the Daily News,

· Above, Microsoft escalates its all-in-one mobile device arms race with Apple with its unexpected announcement of the ZunePhone. [via BoingBoing]
· Ben Greenman presents fragments from Rosie! The Musical.
· Obese feline's food-snatching racket is foiled by a too-snug doggie door.
· Jennifer Aniston's possibly surgically bazoomed rack is the only thing worth talking about at the People's Choice Awards.
· Flee the city now, while there's still time: it might get cold this weekend.
· Hilary Swank is inspiring a whole new generation of high school dropouts.
· The unflushability of Donald Trump's The Art of the Comeback is a serious design flaw.

Madonna made a rare, live appearance on The Today Show this morning to promote her voice-over work in the U.S. release of Luc Besson's Arthur and the Invisibles. (Madonna: "I don't like getting up and talking to people this early." Meredith Vieira: "So then what possessed you?" Madonna: "Um, Harvey Weinstein.") She touched briefly upon the subject of OrphanGate, merely to assure the world that David Banda—whom she admits she probably chose because of his physical resemblance to herself—couldn't be happier. But it's her thoughts on the far more pressing and controversial topic of the Donald vs. Rosie feud that have been making headlines:

We always enjoy the loopy ramblings of Myrna Blyth, who retired from Ladies Home Journal in order to write books like Spin Sisters: How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness—and Liberalism—to the Women of America. We'd even wondered what was taking her so long to weigh in on that little-known Trump/Rosie/Barbara Walters thing. So we were delighted today, when, at long last, she reached her bony grandma fingers into her changepurse and whipped out her two cents:

We realize a major escalation in the Iraq War is about to be announced, but it's difficult to focus on that sort of thing when most of the conflict-oriented areas of our brain are currently occupied with the Rosie vs. Donald vs. Barbara vs. (possibly, if you believe Donald) Rosie feud. When last we checked in, Donald Trump had sent in a scathing letter to The View's offices, accusing Walters of having called O'Donnell a "pig" and telling him she wouldn't "be here for long." Their response on today's show (video above courtesy of BWE) featured Barbara calling Trump, "that poor, pathetic man...we're moving on." Trump's lightning response time has us suspecting that he drafts his statements the night before, leaving a few specifics blank until the very last moment. ("I find it funny that you should call me a ______ on the show today, because Barbara said you're a ______. Send my love to Kelli! Best, Donald") In his latest missive, he defends The Apprentice: LA's ratings performance, and offered this mellow sentiment to the special ladies in his life:

• The Apprentice 6 Tour Bus Challenge [YouTube via FBLA]

Having defeated a raft of lawsuits aimed at removing scenes that various "victims" of Kazakhstan's leading documentarian found to portray their racism/misogyny/dinner parties in an unflattering light, the Borat DVD is scheduled to be released on DVD March 6th without any changes to the original theatrical version. [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, 'Sex and the City'-related Pilot Pick-up Edition: ABC picks up Cashmere Mafia ("the next generation of Sex and the City. ") and Brett Ratner's Women's Murder Club ("CSI meets Sex and the City"), while NBC goes straight to the source, greenlighting SATC author Candace Bushnell's Lipstick Jungle. [THR]
It's been approximately five minutes since we've mentioned Donald Trump, so: The Donald and producer Mark Burnett are being sued for age discrimination by a rejected Apprentice applicant, who claims the show favors the young and hot over the old and litigious. [Variety]
Fox wiped out all Monday night competition with its BCS championship game between Florida and Ohio State, but NBC's Deal or No Deal and CBS comedy block still perform respectably. Once again, Studio 60 continued its hiatus and thus had no momentum-killing effect on NBC's Nielsen fortunes. [THR]
· Scooby Doo creator Iwao Takamoto dies at 81. The cause of death is officially "heart failure," but we suspect foul play by a disgruntled local farmer wearing a rubber mask. [Variety]

Like the rest of you, we had hoped the whole Donald Trump/Rosie O'Donnell feud was a short-lived distraction that would run out of air once the slow season before the holidays came to its end. Sadly, it's the conflict that refuses to die, much like Iraq but without all the brutality and destruction (so far). The latest tactical response from Team Trump: A letter faxed to Rosie "obtained" by Access Hollywood. We've put the full thing after the jump. Let's be honest: If there were anything beyond bad smells and Mac pornography going on today, we would have passed this sucker over. As it is, we'll just sit here and update our obituary of Walter Cronkite while refreshing CNN.com. Enjoy.

Donald Trump has already responded to this morning's Page Six item (yup, he's fast, and, apparently, sorely in need of some busy-work around the office), in a letter addressed to Rosie O'Donnell and faxed to The View this morning. (AccessHollywood.com has the entire letter.) Scattered among its many hollow good wishes are the following claims:

We honestly thought that yesterday's epic post updating the latest developments in the Rosie vs. Donald feud (her kids are upset/he only called her a fat pig a couple of times/his ratings are in the toilet) would be the last words we'd have to type on the subject for a while, which we now admit was a naïve presumption, especially so long as the editorship of Page Six is still walking among us. Today's lead story brings us deep into the trenches—The View's hair and makeup room—where Trump's deep-seated distaste for not-very-smart, degenerate fat pigs is tearing Rosie and Barbara Walters apart: