The Republican establishment’s progression through the stages of grief over Donald Trump’s enduring popularity is getting perilously close to “acceptance.” Fortunately, the party has some fresh new ideas about how it will proceed in the now-thinkable case of a Trump nomination.

Some people say it’s whats on the inside that counts. Other people say it’s not being a gross fat loser that counts. Guess which one Donald Trump is.

Donald Trump, who is currently leading Republican primary polls by saying things like, “I would bomb the shit out of ISIS,” revealed today more of his nuanced plans to combat the terrorist network. In a call to his fans at Fox & Friends, he said he would “take out the families” of ISIS members, too.

On Monday, Donald Trump took time out of his busy schedule describing television broadcasts only he can see to focus on a new challenge: Extorting CNN to the tune of $5 million.

Former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani isn’t saying Donald Trump is right about his unambiguous claim that “thousands and thousands of people were cheering” in Jersey on 9/11. But he’s also not saying that Donald Trump isn’t not right. And to back up his timorous show of support, Giuliani trotted out a straight-up hate crime as an example.

Earlier today, Donald Trump met with “over a hundred” black pastors in a private meeting after it came out that Trump was (falsely) framing the event as a public endorsement. Even so, Trump still sort of got the press conference he wanted—albeit with only about half a dozen pastors flanking him. And also Omarosa was there.

Though many have condemned Donald Trump for repeating his claims that “thousands” of New Jersey Muslims celebrated on 9/11, and that there is old TV news footage somewhere out there to prove it, one brave, bumbling Fox & Friends host defended the “idea” of Trump’s story this morning. That man was Steve Doocy, of course.

After more than a week of defending himself to 9/11 truthers, Donald Trump today clarified why there’s absolutely no evidence to corroborate the rooftop parties he “saw with his own eyes”: The ancient technology of 2001.

Actual buffoon Donald Trump has decided to cancel a planned political ambush of “as many as 100 black evangelical religious leaders” when many of those leaders caught wind of his plan, reports the Associated Press.

In an interview Sunday on CBS’ “Face the Nation,” helpless duckling and presidential candidate John Ellis “JEB!” Bush said that, while the idea of frontrunner Donald Trump recieving the Republican nomination is “kind of scary,” he would support Trump, “because anybody is better than Hillary Clinton.”

Behold, a holiday miracle: Democrats and Republicans can be agree! Donald Trump, a man as unifying as he is orange, has given us all a reason to get along.

Donald Trump, orange-tufted sentient troll doll, is just going to “play cool” until we all get over his big fat lie about 9/11.

Here’s a lovely update from The Tampa Bay Times in its writeup about the Donald Trump rally in Sarasota, Florida on Saturday:

A Donald Trump fan and alleged animal abuser brought (or, rather, forced) an unusual guest to the candidate’s rally on Saturday: an Asian elephant.

Even on a national holiday, Donald Trump can’t help himself from being a petulant slice of stinking, festive shit-pie.

Another day, another enemy for Donald Trump.

If you had “mocking another human’s physical handicap” as the next foot to go in Donald Trump’s mouth—congratulations. You have unfortunately won.

At a campaign event in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, on Tuesday, Donald Trump, who has spent the past week advocating for a mandatory database of Muslim Americans, ushered his rabid supporters towards that old Tea Party favorite: President Barack Obama is a secret Muslim.