Ask and ye shall receive. The Post's Keith Kelly handicaps the contenders for the NYT Mag position. Slate's Jacob Weisberg denies that he's interestedwhich is his job, unless he has a contract. NYT Metro editor Jonathan Landman has been rumored for weeks to be a top candidate (I don't buy it, either) and Kelly asks if leaving Metro for the magazine is a promotion. (METRO?! I'd say YES.) Other candidates: SPY co-founder/ex-NY Mag editor/Gawker fixation Kurt Andersen, New Yorker editorial director Henry Finder, current editorial director Gerry Marzorati (probably the leading candidate), and story editor Paul Tough.
Times Mag horse race [Post]

I missed the VMAs (*yawn*) last night, but it doesn't matter because Neal Pollack covered it for me. In excruciating detail. "Carson Kressley, Kim Cattrall, Simon Cowell, and a funny cartoon baby named Stewie handicap the race amusingly but also annoyingly. 50 Cent shows up live on the Red Carpet wearing the baddest-ass pinstriped silver suit I ve ever seen. He s with Vivica A. Fox, and is definitely winning this game called life. 50 Cent, two years ago, you were recovering from nine bullet wounds, and now you re up for four awards, the host says. Oh. I feel so small and alone."
MTV's spontaneous night of crazy fun [Salon]

Here's a fawning profile of The Believer's Vendela Vida (a.k.a. Mrs. Dave Eggers), courtesy of the SF Gate. Given The Believer's anti-snark stance, it's not entirely surprising that the reporter would avoid that tone, but THIS is borderline ass-kissing: "Vida is a part of a coterie of writers — Heidi Julavits, Dave Eggers and Michael Chabon, to name a few — who are young, gifted and both blessed and cursed. While they are admired for their work and for leading a renaissance of literature, publishing and philanthropy in San Francisco, they are also major snark targets, annoying others for seeming to have so much brilliance, youth and charm."
Vendela Vida floats amid S.F. literati but keeps feet, attitude firmly planted [SF Gate via LasagnaFarm]

Another nomination: "I don't have time to photoshop it, but the image of a hawk swooping down on a chihuahua, its tiny head clenched in the hawk's talons, ala that Bryant Park incident (the rat image gave me the idea) would seem striking, visceral, appropriately darwinianly allegorical, funny, well...I could go on."

Someone just sent me this: "YESTERDAY SOME HEAVY ARTWORK WAS STOLEN IN CHELSEA Among the items is a portrait in mosaic of TINA BROWN, a large three panel piece of a SWAT team an some abstract mosaic sculptures. It was part of a group of artworks stolen from a truck on their way from ALP GALLERIES (291 Seventh Ave) in New York to an exhibition in Shanghai.

The Learning Annex is featuring a [non-ironic] course on "How to Become Famous in Two Weeks or Less." Given that the city is teeming with would-be Andy Warhols, I can't believe there's even space left in the class. Things class participants learn:
· How to pose for any photo so that it runs in the party pages the next day.
· Dissect the magazine masthead and learn who to attack - from the features editors to the executive editors, the authors will explain who on the magazine has the power to make you famous.
· How to befriend gossip columnists. [Ed.There's a formula?]
· How to parlay your personal life into a lucrative book deal.
How to become famous in 2 weeks or less! [Learning Annex]

· On my walk home from the subway last night, I passed Anna Wintour outside of Schiller's- she was waiting by two shiny black cars and seemed exasperated with a tan man, good looking man who was loading his gold clubs into the trunk of one of the cars. She was calling someone on her cell phone. She had her glasses off and was wearing a turquoise silk skirt with a matching cashmere sweater. I think it was her first visit to Rivington street.
· Vincent D'Onofrio crossing Grand and heading north on West Broadway, 9:30 this morning. Shades, grey stubble, shorts, sandals. Walking with two cute little girls and pushing a stroller (almost ran over my toes). They seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the nice weather.
· [Tuesday] night around 9pm, saw David Byrne of Talking Heads fame eating alone, at an outside table at "Po." He had a glass of white wine, some fava bean bruschetta and a mesclun salad while we waited for our table. His company was a thick manuscript looking thing, but he seemed more interested in reading The New Yorker with a highlighter.

We have a submission for the NYC lapel pin(z) design [right].
A reader writes, "I believe that the mayor's office hands out gold apples. at least they used to. Does that make it the NYC lapel pin?"
Another reader: "How about the old Rudy slogan with an angry bat toting apple: 'On a Letterman visit in 1995, the mayor announced the new slogan for New York - 'Our City Can Kick Your City's Ass' - which was displayed on the Sony Jumbotron in Times Square'"

· Schwartzenegger participated in a gang-bang [TheSmokingGun]
· WennerMedia chief Jann Wenner tried to hire ex-US Weekly editor Bonnie Fuller's assistant. [Page Six]
· The House of Blues is suing Miramax over trademark infringement. [Page Six]
· Rep. Jose Serrano is angry that Mayor Bloomberg named a school after Cuban-born Celia Cruz and not Puerto Rican Tito Puente. [Page Six]
· Actors Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman may be divorcing thanks to Hawke's "wandering eye." [NY Daily News]

The backlash has begun. A letter to Romenesko, titled "Enough with the 'Queer' puns": "Could you please put out this all-points alert to members of the media hooked up to the Jim Romenesko Broadcasting System: STOP MAKING PUNS ON 'QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY' IN HEADLINES! In the past week alone I've seen about a dozen of these headlines (one can be found here. The gag wasn't funny (or clever, or creative) the first time, and it's on the road to Groan-Triggering Cliche. Thanks for your cooperation."
Letters [Romenesko]

In an article titled "Pimp Eye for the Lame Guy", MTV helpfully provides an "expert" to advice attendees on how to prepare for the VMAs: "Men on the level of being a playa, we're pedicuring and manicuring. We took it to another level where we're doing our fingernails. I like to keep mine short, 'cause I like to move around, shaking hands and fellowshipping. It's sort of hard for me to keep them long nails clean. Even females, just like the males, they done all trimmed they nails down to a certain minimum. It ain't as slick as it used to be in the days where the guys had the long fingernails and wore their little pinky rings." Perhaps the Texas knife salesman [Wes Melcher] should pay attention.
Pimp Eye for the Lame Guy: Don "Magic" Juan breaks down the art of VMA mackin' [MTV News]

From: "scott black" <@lapelpinz.com>
Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2003 14:18:00 -0700
To: tips@gawker.com
Subject: Does your City have a Lapel Pin?

A reader writes with some background info on the guy who was offering himself as a date for the Video Music Awards on Craig's List yesterday: "[I] couldn't stop myself from googling Wes Melcher, the 'hazle, attractive and stylish' guy who wants a date for the video music awards. He was the losing candidate for student body president at Southwest Texas State University in 1999 and a member of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity. I think his prospective dates deserve to know this." UPDATE: 601am adds that he also sells hunting knives. (This is why god made Google.)

Comedian Al Franken's publisher just ordered a fifth printing of his book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, following Franken's legal victory over Fox News and right-wing windbag Bill O'Reilly, who tried to sue Franken on the basis that Fox had trademarked "Fair and Balanced." Mr. O'Reilly, any comments?
Bill O'Reilly: Well, I just want to sa—
Gawker: Shut up! Just shut up!
O'Reilly:...
Gawker:Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

I don't normally read Paper*, but the September cover gave me that "come hither" look and bid me to "analyze Bijou Phillips." "Oh, what the hell," I thought. "I've got thirty seconds and analyzing Bijou Phillips can't possibly take any longer than that." And I was right. A quote from Bijou: "It was so much fun...I ended up tripping on acid and doing nitrous." That's all you need to know, really.

From Craig's List:
Hello - This is not a joke. I'm looking for 1-2 individuals to help me test my time machine. We recently completed our first mission in the Time Travel Transport (TTT) and it worked flawlessly. I was left relatively unscathed. We know, once perfected, that this will change the world we live in and will literally "re-write history". I would like to build a small team to help me. I will be doing the actual computer work, but you should have a decent knowledge of computers. A knowledge of different eras in history would be very helpful (clothing styles, regional dialects, etc.) As a team member, you will accompany either myself or my assistant into the past or the future. As you can expect, you will have to pass a physical/mental examination, and although we believe the process to be very safe, we cannot guarantee your safety 100%.
Please forward all relevant information
-age
-sex
-weight/height
-a photo if you would like
-relevant experience (we realize this will probably be very little)
-and most importantly, why you should be picked.
Currently, compensation is very little (a monthly stipend). But, we envision a market for our product very soon and you will be compensated accordingly.
We ask that participants be in the New York City area, or be willing to relocate.
Please forward all correspondence to stepon@yahoo.com
Thank you
Time travel testing [Craig's List]

I generally don't do political posts on Gawker because we're not supposed to be partisan. (Ideological dogmatism and shameless demagoguery, on the other hand, are fine.) But there are exceptions to every rule. Neal Pollack has excerpted posts from the blogs of various presidential candidates, which I, in turn, feel compelled to excerpt from Neal's blog.
· "HOWARD DEAN, August 21—Heidi Julavits has this manifesto up at The Believer, which, as you know, is the latest project from the talentless ironists at McSweeneys, which is trying to be all sincere now, and it's not working. ulavits wants to have it both ways: To get her book reviewed and also to have people read and enjoy it." [Ed.Pollack is clearly whoring for a snarkwatch mention.]
· "RICHARD GEPHARDT, August 25—Did you see that episode of Queer Eye where they took off the guy's back hair? Gross! I totally want to be on Queer Eye, though."
The blog-making of the President [NealPollack.com]

Speaking of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, the Post's Keith Kelly reports that Bravo just got a $1 million advance for a spinoff makeover book titled, "The Fab Fives' Guide to Looking Better, Cooking Better, Dressing Better, Behaving Better and Living Better" that includes commentary from the cast members. Blame metrosexmania.
Readers get a queer eye [Keith Kelly-Post]

Ex-Queer Eye for the Straight Guy cast member James Hannaham explains the casting process and what went on behind the scenes: "During the second audition, I waited for about three hours in a different conference room crammed with bagels, juice and a bevy of rapidly bantering media gays, including former editor-in-chief of Details Joe Dolce, a staffer at Vanity Fair, another from Newsweek, and fashion designer John Bartlett. I was distinguished among them, I realized after a while, not just by my skin color, but by the fact that I actually needed the money."
Queen for a day? [Africana.com]

· Actor Jack Nicholson: "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch" [Page Six]
· Anna Nicole Smith is set to star in an off-Broadway play. [Page Six]
· Liz Smith declares Justin Timberlake "so 'yesterday'". [Liz Smith]
· If Demi can do it...: Bruce Willis is now dating a 25 year old. [NY Daily News]