For no other reason than someone took the time to send us this message from their cellphone, we pass along this breaking report about former Hilary Swank househusband Chad Lowe stepping out for coffee with a non-Swank companion:
Over the course of the next few days, you may notice that our city has been overrun with geeks* attending the annual pagan celebration of all things video game, E3. It should probably go without saying that the monolithic, faceless blogging corporation that pays our salaries has sprung for a single Motel 6 room to house a team from our thumb-abusing sister site, Kotaku, who will be presenting live coverage of the orgy all week. Drop by and learn about the hot games that will become poorly written movies sometime in the fall of 2008.
[S]he's met with her family and lawyer — but not hubby Kevin Federline — and the topic of divorce came up.
Fox 411's Roger Friedman reports that things over at Paramount, a place renowned for the oversized lollipops sprouting from its topiary and the rainbows that spontaneous appear over its executives' offices following daily, lunchtime teddy bear showers, have become a little gloomy in the wake of M:i:III's Armageddon-harbinging disastrous studio-crippling disappointing opening weekend:
Charlie Sheen has finally caught a break from the onslaught of relentlessly negative publicity surrounding his ongoing divorce from estranged, Sambora-smooching wife Denise Richards, as a jailed pimp reminded Page Six of Sheen's All-American, straight-guy-with-too-much-money appetite for hookers dressed as cheerleaders:
· For reasons beyond our limited understanding of celebrity pregnancy-announcement protocol, Britney Spears will confirm that she's knocked up on Letterman tonight. By all means, promptly return to not giving a shit.
· Sooner than we care to think about, Scientology will unveil its Super Power program, and Tom Cruise will become completely unstoppable. Well, unless you ask him to open the door of an exotic automobile. They don't have a course for that yet.
· David Blaine's trainer says that if he hadn't rescued him during Blaine's unconscious convulsions, he would've broken that breath-holding record. Oh, well, better luck next stunt. We prefer to remember the magician in happier times.
· If we knew that you don't actually have to make the lease payments for a $1300/month Benz, we could afford one just like Kanye's.
· Josh Lucas might have the best-lit apartment of any actor we can think of.
The Smoking Gun reprints the production riders for several celebrity rock bands, detailing their (frankly boring) backstage catering needs: Everything from His Royal Whoaness Keanu Reeves' very wholesome Dogstar demands ("1 large pot of hot soup (vegetable or chicken)"), Jared Leto's fat-making tricks of the trade ("Take-out food for ten (10) people...Taco Bell, pizza are fine."), and manorexia survivor Dennis Quaid's calorie-deficient suggestions for his band The Sharks ("Assorted Herbal Teas...Hot Water..."). We were shocked, however, to read that the Steven Seagal Band rider requested "36 cans of Red Bull." If Seagal can't force his own band to enjoy the peppy refreshment of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, how can he expect any of us to become loyal customers of his own branded energy beverage?
Girls Gone Wild emperor Joe Francis' decision to hold his birthday party at Magic Mountain is strangely fitting; his entire life, after all, is something of a theme park—let's call it Drunken Teenager Tittty-Flash Land. (Slogan: "The happiest place on Earth until your father nearly masturbates to the shameful thing you did on spring break.") On Thursday night, Francis and hundreds of his closest friends will descend upon the park, ready to finally discover what the Hollywood club scene would be like if roller coasters and (actual) bumper cars were readily available, allowing the highly inebriated to travel at great speeds without fear of a vehicular manslaughter arrest. Unfortunately, the party's not open to the public (i.e., us), but following this link allows the uninvited to simulate the extreme thrill of being on the list for the event.
· Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher will laugh, cry, and compare psychic scars with her fans at the Borders in Westwood tonight, where she will sign copies of her new book, Burnt Toast. Whatever you do, don't bring up Ryan Seacrest—the woman is clearly still reeling from her inexplicable dumping following their whirlwind relationship.
· KT Tunstall at the Henry Fonda; Destroyer at Spaceland; Sean Hayes (no, not "Jack") at Largo.
· If you missed yesterday's screening of Wah-Wah, no worries. You have another chance to catch it tonight at the ArcLight, with director/writer Richard E. Grant in person in a chat moderated by Steve Martin.
We try to subject ourselves to ABC's menopausal kaffee klatsch The View as rarely as possible, though we have to admit we were looking forward to watching their latest loud-lady addition, Rosie O'Donnell, squeeze the living breath out of Star Jones with one giant, lesbian bear paw. Sadly, however, that display of alpha-gal dominance may not play itself out, as Page Six reports Jones is leaving the show:
With a perfume-to-new-album ratio of 3:0 since 2004, budding fragrance mogul Britney Spears has proven that her fans are so desperate to buy anything with her name on it that she can move 10 million bottles of her various scents despite a creative output limited to one highly ill-advised marriage and an accompanying, gravitationally challenged offspring. However, Spears' newest perfume product, In Control, seems to hint at some long overdue changes in her personal life:
· The ratings for David Blaine: Drowned Alive spike in the special's second hour, clearly indicating the desire of viewers in the 18-49 demographic to watch the magician suffer a tragic, soggy death. [Variety]
· Apple will now sell shows from the Fox family of networks on iTunes, allowing fans to watch on their iPods an even tinier Kiefer Sutherland yell about why he doesn't have time to explain why he's acting like a terrorist in order to stop terrorists. [THR]
· Warner Bros.based Legendary Pictures has bought the rights to adapt online game World of Warcraft for the big screen, and will spend the coming weeks trying to figure out a way to charge the game's installed, 6 million person subscriber base a monthly $14.99 fee for the duration of the movie's development. [Variety]
· Polly Cohen is named president of Warner Independent Pictures, replacing the recently, messily ousted Mark Gill. [THR]
· Clear Channel gives Whoopi Goldberg the opportunity to prove that she can be annoying in the exciting medium of terrestrial radio, handing her a morning drive-time show. [Variety]
Tori Spelling and her new, grifted beau Dean McDermott's love unfolded like a classic fairy tale in which an opportunistic prince met a billionaire TV producer king's daughter on the set of a Lifetime movie, promptly ditched his wife and family, then demonstrated the depth of his new commitment by covering himself in bad tattoos. Now, we get our fairy tale ending: A weekend wedding on the sandy beaches of Fiji, and, according to The Scoop, whispers of a tiny, future Spelling Television production star on the way:
Not too long after they announced their reimagining of Welcome Back Kotter as a starring vehicle for Ice Cube, the Weinstein Company once again declares its intention to plunder the beloved televised entertainments of our youth with today's news that it will give Hasselhoffian masterwork Knight Rider a deeply unnecessary update. Reports THR:
At first, we suspected that our favorite actress was actively trying to develop "The Wink" as her signature one-sheet move (surely we all remember Matthew McConaughey's now-iconic "The Lean" ), a visual shorthand letting you know that this is a Lindsay Lohan Film, Where Fun Things Are About To Happen!™ But then we realized there's a likelier, less calculated explanation: Lohan showed up for her photo sessions exhausted from typical, sleepless nights of non-stop partying, and when a team of exasperated pros couldn't halt the uncontrollable twitching in her eyes with even a potent combination of make-up tricks and injected muscle relaxers, just worked the tic into the ad campaigns. Voila! A trademark is born. But the first true test of her move's staying power will come when it's time to do posters for her darker upcoming films, Bobby and Chapter 27, where The Wink will have to be reinvented as a more subtle spasm of grief punctuating the horrors of the Bobby Kennedy and John Lennon assassinations. We think those uncontrollably fluttering eyelids are up to the task.
· The origin of new Batman supervillain, The Prune, soon to reach its chilling climax.
· Here's a story all about Rebecca Romijn's sure-to-be-gassed-on -its-way-to-The CW series Pepper Dennis. Whoops, silly us—here's the right link.
· TVGasm wonders what would happen if you put wildly inappropriate soundtracks under some of your favorite TV shows, and we're left craving a Rue McClanahan decapitation.
· Josh Lucas is going to take everything he learned from Poseidon and Will & Grace and apply it to the Daniel Pearl story.
· Get your hands on one of these fire-breathing babies before the Kitson set gets their claws on them and ruins yet another hot trend.
