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Girls Gone Wild emperor Joe Francis' decision to hold his birthday party at Magic Mountain is strangely fitting; his entire life, after all, is something of a theme park—let's call it Drunken Teenager Tittty-Flash Land. (Slogan: "The happiest place on Earth until your father nearly masturbates to the shameful thing you did on spring break.") On Thursday night, Francis and hundreds of his closest friends will descend upon the park, ready to finally discover what the Hollywood club scene would be like if roller coasters and (actual) bumper cars were readily available, allowing the highly inebriated to travel at great speeds without fear of a vehicular manslaughter arrest. Unfortunately, the party's not open to the public (i.e., us), but following this link allows the uninvited to simulate the extreme thrill of being on the list for the event.