This image was lost some time after publication.

The Smoking Gun reprints the production riders for several celebrity rock bands, detailing their (frankly boring) backstage catering needs: Everything from His Royal Whoaness Keanu Reeves' very wholesome Dogstar demands ("1 large pot of hot soup (vegetable or chicken)"), Jared Leto's fat-making tricks of the trade ("Take-out food for ten (10) people...Taco Bell, pizza are fine."), and manorexia survivor Dennis Quaid's calorie-deficient suggestions for his band The Sharks ("Assorted Herbal Teas...Hot Water..."). We were shocked, however, to read that the Steven Seagal Band rider requested "36 cans of Red Bull." If Seagal can't force his own band to enjoy the peppy refreshment of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, how can he expect any of us to become loyal customers of his own branded energy beverage?