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How disappointingly ironic that John Travolta—a celebrity brand name associated the world over with the joy of song from his roles in such beloved musical movies as Saturday Night Fever, Grease, and his upcoming muumuu-clad turn in Hairspray—should be the subject of this NY Daily News item:

[L]ast week, guests at the Tribeca Grand Hotel were flummoxed by the hush that settled upon them whenever fellow traveler John Travolta showed up.

"They had to turn the music off whenever he appeared," swears our visiting spywitness. "Everyone else had been enjoying it."

Travolta is a member of the Church of Scientology, but spokesman John Carmichael tells us: "There are no church prohibitions against any kind of music at all."

While the representative denies it, we wouldn't be surprised if the silent birth-advocating "World's Shushiest Religion" also encouraged the lesser-known practice of "noiseless hotel lobby traversal." It's an ancient sacrament devised in the late 1970s at the Burbank Sheraton, in which Church handlers spared their celebrity members the negative Thetan energy of a bad piano act by creatively coercing the lounge lizards into taking a permanent, unscheduled break in a white van idling outside.