If you've put off trying to infiltrate Hyde, the current hottest and most exclusive celebrity-jammed glory hole in all of Hollywood, for fear of winding up collateral damage in a hair-yanking disagreement between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, it might be time to take the risk. Especially if you're trying to "make it in the business," as Rush & Molloy report that the club's clientele now officially includes high-profile producer types out trolling for tail:

The matter of just who was first to come up with the visionary concept behind Fox's reality competition So You Think You Can Dance?—a paradigm-redefining twist on the American Idol format in which contestants dance before a panel of judges instead of sing—is now thrown into question with news of a lawsuit brought against the show's producers:

Tom Cruise has once again demonstrated his unparalleled gift for making even the most routine of celebrity milestones seem incredibly suspicious, following up his globe-trotting, joint Mission: Impossible III/My Imprisoned Fiancée Is Having Someone's Baby Tour with a 58 day infant image embargo that has many wondering if said Miracle Baby actually exists. Humpy E! gossip-withholder Ted Casablanca coyly suggests that people in Cruise's orbit are feeding him "shocking statements, revelations and just plain tacky-ass info" that lawyers will not let him share, but is kind enough to pass along the official word from the star's epically inept public relations team:

Daryl Hannah's heroic treetop exploits on behalf of squatting farmers all over South Los Angeles have not yet been forgotten. On last night's Daily Show, the phrase "They are going to forcibly remove actress Daryl Hannah from the walnut tree" was deemed only slightly less surreal than hearing an agitated, airborne Samuel L. Jackson yelp, "Get these motherfucking Daryl Hannahs off the motherfucking plane!" In a follow-up story on the protest, today's LAT offhandedly described Hannah as "plucked" from her perch during the tree-viction, a verb choice that makes it sound as if Hannah were an accidental catch in a giant arcade claw machine, retrieved by a police officer who was hoping to snare a Pamela Anderson or a Leonardo DiCaprio from the protester-filled branches to impress his girlfriend. Lastly, Page Six characterizes Hannah as laughing off her arrest and citation by the LAPD, a sunny insouciance she maintained even after some cruel cops taunted the vegetarian with a plate of bologna sandwiches.

· To celebrate his 60th birthday, Donald Trump spent the day wondering if he will seem superficial if he trades in his 36-year-old model wife for an 18-year-old, but ultimately decided to stick with "the old broad" for at least a few more months.
· Finally, a superhero who is too proud to hide his true identity from the public.
· Before you get too impressed that Taylor Hicks topped People's Hottest Bachelors list, consider that two of the lower-position slots are occupied by very available, workaholic-seeming Kenny Chesney and Ryan Seacrest.
· If you're Michael Jackson, "charity" means no else gets paid but you.
· Shiloh inadvertently helps Dodge sell some cars.

Showing an uncultivated lack of reverential appreciation for Cannonball Run, Smokey and the Bandit, Without A Paddle, and the rest of Burt Reynolds' timeless oeuvre, the Jupiter Town Council is attempting to evict the Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum from the location it's held since 2002:

· Music round-up: Wolfmother at the Henry Fonda; DJ Quik at House of Blues; The Black Crowes at the Greek.
· CollegeHumor.com's Wednesday night show at the Improv draws a line-up of Michael "Kramer Forever" Richards, Ralphie May, Jim "Crank Yankers" Florentine, host Ben Gleib, and a "possible," Lovitz-caliber surprise guest.
· Margaret Cho and John C. Reilly get together for "Leftover Stories to Tell: A Tribute to Spalding Gray" at UCLA's Freud Playhouse, where they'll read from the semi-recently deceased monologist's work. [via Flavorpill]

Star magazine, desperate to beat its rivals to the next celebrity infant craze by attempting to identify signs of pregnancy mere seconds after the moment of conception, claims that Nicole Kidman seemed to be sporting a telltale baby bump while leaving a yoga class yesterday. We find Star's evidence to be wildly inconclusive, even after having the images enhanced by our in-house photo lab. If Kidman's normally skeletal frame seems slightly more fleshy around the abdominal region, the difference can probably be attributed to the consumption of a Power Bar before her exercise session, not the highly unlikely event of a potentially career-stalling pregnancy.

The people who brought you America's Next Top Model are hoping to recapture some of that "bitch poured beer on my weave!" lightning in a bottle with their next reality competition, VH1's The White Rapper Show. The series will pit the best and brightest of the nations' cornrowed Caucasian wannabes against each other in a search for the next great hip-hop cracker superstar:

It's been too long since we've been moved enough to pass along one of Hollywood Momentum's "Screamers," those semi-outraged tales of assistant woe meant to galvanize the entire call-rolling class into rising up and finally overthrowing their better-paid tormentors in a bloody putsch. Today's installment, however, made the cut, if only because of its logline-esque concision:

Over at TMZ.com, Harvey Levin, the Dominick Dunne of people who monitor the entrance and egress of various B-listers at Hollywood's nightclubs, taps into his network to find out about the paparazzi-deflecting countermeasures that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have set up at their Malibu home:

Something about Star Trek has always practically squealed "gay," from its unapologetic uniform fetish, to its multiple face-painting and dress-up opportunities, to the long-standing rumors about Klingons' massive endowments. Even one of its original stars, George "Sulu" Takei, has come out of the closet, and has since been spreading rainbow-colored, Federation pride wherever he goes. Given all that, it seems entirely egregious that none of the various incarnations of the franchise has ever so much as featured a single gay character. (Sulu doesn't count: He was still working through his issues.) But thanks to fan-made web series Star Trek: Hidden Frontier, the Gays have finally hit the bridge:

Perhaps we've allowed ourselves to become too blinded by our obsession with the Gay Superman Question (or by the retina-searing, fabulous rainbows emitted from the hero's fingertips) to see this on our own, but maybe the latest incarnation of the Man of Steel is not actually a closeted homosexual sent out into the world to destroy Warner Bros.' box office grosses in the red states, but rather the Son of Man Himself, dispatched by the Creator to save humanity from its sins:

As Nicole Kidman's attends to the final cloak-and-dagger preparations for her quickly approaching wedding day, her Cold Mountain co-star and confidante Renee Zellweger has been doing everything she can to dissuade Kidman from making the same, pretty-boy-in-a-cowboy-hat-espousing mistakes she made, says website FemaleFirst.

· CBS affiliates argue that they shouldn't have to to pay the $3 million fine levied for airing Without a Trace's Very Special Teen Orgy episode because every complaint filed against the show came from the websites of religious crackpot organizations Parents Television Council and the American Family Association, not "real people." And as we all know, real people love nothing better than watching teenagers simulate group sex on network television. [THR]
· Because we know how hot and bothered it makes you to hear about how much advertising time the networks have sold, Fox and CBS have filled 70% of their ad slots, NBC 40%, and ABC is waiting for better offers on Lost and Grey's Anatomy. You may now take five minutes for a cold shower and then return to work. [Variety]
· Fox's Rupert Murdoch decides not to create his own search engine, and instead will choose between Google, Yahoo, and Microsoft to provide search services that will allow MySpace's millions of lurking pedophiles to more efficiently find the profiles of vulnerable teens. Or totally rad emo bands, depending on their mood. [Variety]
· Shitergy Update! Corporate monolith News Corp plans on exploiting every part of its multimedia empire to promote next year's Simpsons movie, including forcing president/COO Peter Chernin to dress as a different Simpsons character each day and speak only in amusing soundbites from the popular animated series. [THR]
· We have no idea what the basic cable series starring Kevin Bacon's wife is about, when it airs, or even what network it's on, but 8.3 million viewers watched its second-season premiere. We've got to start branching out from TiVo'd episodes of Blow Out one of these days. [Variety]

It's a situation that all parents can relate to: You're picking up some lacy underthings at the local mall's Victoria's Secret, cradling a squirming baby with a fully loaded diaper in your arms, and resisting the look in the infant's eyes that seems to say Just drop me. It's OK. No one is watching this time, and that carpet looks really soft. If you're America's Most Scrutinized Mom, however, you fight off the instinct to let go of the child and finish your transaction, and instead opt to show the world what a good parent you are by attending to the baby's needs immediately and publicly. Says Us Weekly:

Like Ugg boots, red string bracelets, and hairless, yippy purse-dogs, charitable causes are subject to the ever-shifting, capricious cycle that affects all celebrity-assisted trends. Unfortunately for AIDS activists seeking famous faces to attract publicity to their work, the global pandemic suddenly finds itself last year's tired Cambodian adoptee to global warming's red-hot Namibian-born biological offspring. Reports the LAT:

• Daryl Hannah Out of Tree and Walking! [YouTube]

· No, we have no idea what strange confluence of events led to Balki's induction into the Masons, nor do we think we could handle the truth if we found out. [via edrants]
· Jack Black prepares for the whooping he's going to give Tom Cruise in the New Celebrity Dad Potato Sack Race: "I'm going to be the best daddy on the planet and I'm going to enter the best daddy competition. And I'm going to win it."
· Free legal advice: If you absolutely must sue the horny Golden Girl, make sure that your summons goes to her lawyer, not her agent.
· Warning, following this link will lead you to pictures of a unsettling, mysterious swelling on Michael Jackson's forearm, possibly induced by a bite from a tuberculotic Cub Scout.
· Someone really wants us to link to the eBay auction for the cease-and-desist letter that a disgruntled Last Comic Standing contestant is holding, so here it is.
· This probably didn't actually happen, but what the hell: Tom Cruise sent Brad Pitt a funny little note and a teddy bear to congratulate him for successfully impregnating his wife, a stunt he himself couldn't pull off.

Showing a maturity far beyond that of the average seventeen-day-old infant, young Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt decided that curing the polio outbreak in her birth country of Namibia might be too showy an initial display of her powers, and instead opted for the more modest first miracle of assisting a Denver boutique in moving some overpriced t-shirts: