· People plays the fun game Fucking or Not Fucking? with Penelope Cruz and Orlando Bloom. Before drawing hasty conclusions, you may want to consider that Bloom was "freaking out and singing along to every [Maroon 5] lyric" at the Global Green concert where they were spotted together, possibly making lead singer Adam Levine the secret object of his lusty affections. [People]
· If you're still undecided in the major categories, you can always just crib the Carpetbagger's final predictions, and then blame him when your Oscar pool money ends up in the lap of that one chubby, mouth-breathing dude at your party no one seems to know, who keeps repeating, "I just went with my gut!" between uncontrollable giggles. [Awards Season]

While adventurous area twinks willing to gamble on anonymous Craigslist dates might not have such a hard time getting into exclusive Oscar parties, the general population might need to resort to subterfuge to sneak past gatekeepers long enough to snort deeply of the forbidden coke of their Hollywood betters. Today's Radar story promising to share "expert" party crasher's tips "on how to slip past the ultimate velvet rope" is a little light on actual infiltration techniques, but does offer at least one tactic for penetrating Vanity Fair's legendary party defenses:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in. It's Oscars weekend—come on, there might be a semi-conscious star under your bed right now! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Bai Ling stumbling out of a swagwhore house looking like she just OD'd on freebies.

We know that we've already been amply warned about boring the audience with a long list of thank yous, but without the love, unwavering support, and online advertising budgets of this week's sponsors, none of this would have been possible. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and hear the name of your product or service drowned out by the strains of an impatient, swelling orchestra, see this page. Also: Hey, want to win one of those fancy iPod shuffle deals in the color of your choice? Then make sure to leave your e-mail address when taking this survey. And read our contest rules! They're totally boring but may save your life!

· Universal signs up Robert De Niro's Tribeca Prods. for two more years, allowing them to go forward with Little Fockers, the third Meet the Parents movie. They're planning to bring back all the main cast members from the previous installments—even Teri Polo, admirably choosing loyalty over the cynical temptation to replace her with a cheaper, middle-tier CBS sitcom wife. So far. [Variety]
· George Clooney and Cate Blanchett are in "negotiations" and "talks," respectively (don't mix them up or someone loses his job!), to voice characters in Wes Anderson's stop-motion animation adaptation of Roald Dahl story The Fantastic Mr. Fox. [THR]
· According to someone in attendance at Hillary Clinton's trip to the CAA Death Star yesterday, the senator was "incredibly well-received," especially after promising that if they use their evil influence to deliver her the Hollywood endorsement, she'd publicly support the Creative Artists Infant-Consuming Decriminalization Act the agency's partners have had trouble pushing through Congress. [Variety]
· Desperate producers hope that having Idol winner Fantasia Barrino announce she's taking over the lead in the the struggling Broadway version of The Color Purple while making an AI appearance last night might help sell some more tickets. [Variety]
· The unthinkable has happened: American Idol was not the most-watched show on television last night. Though they didn't directly compete, Grey's Anatomy actually pulled in the more viewers. Please immediately head for your place of worship and pray for salvation, as the end of days is surely nigh. [THR]

Busy readers bombarded by today's Oscar coverage hardly have the time to devote ten seconds to the information imparted by CNN.com's always helpful Story Highlights box, much less an entire article warning Middle America that a tuxedo-clad lesbian determined not to offend them will be hosting the show. With those attention-deficited people in mind, we further condense their bullet points into a more quickly digestible form:

Bravo's Andy Cohen—by day, the network's mild-mannered Senior Vice President of Production and Programming, by night, dishy bloggeur extraordinaire—walks among us, as his latest entry provides a detailed seating chart of a recent New York-L.A. flight, chock full of B-list stars hitting town for some Oscar-weekend magic:

You've tirelessly monitored the Buzzmeters, scrutinized the massive predictions charts, and internalized the insights of prognosticators in ill-fitting, store-bought superhero costumes, but what you have not yet had the opportunity to do is click a little circle next to the name of one of the many prohibitive favorites to bring home an Oscar on Sunday while visiting this website. That's right: It's time for the Defamer Last Minute Oscar Poll. While you have no chance to influence mentally weak Academy voters with your choices at this late juncture, what you do have is the ability to demonstrate your complete mastery of the conventional wisdom that will surely dominate on Oscar night. Or, should you feel the need to celebrate the hopeless and punish the unworthy (if Little Miss Sunshine polls well, Fox Searchlight will send each of you a delicious yellow-frosted cupcake), an expression of your impotent frustration is just a mouse click away.

KimberlyWalther.com is a fake, at least according to Anna Nicole Smith's bob-headed assistant Kimmie herself, who tells Entertainment Tonight that the vitriolic website bearing her name and accusing Howard K. Stern of plotting Anna's death is the work of an impostor:

We'd never dream of spoiling any part of the utterly surprising, constantly unfolding majesty that is the Academy Awards telecast; robbing you of the joy of discovering for yourself the wonders that the event's producers have planned for a stated worldwide audience of fifty-six billion people would be tantamount to us scorching off your genitals before sending you to one of the many complimentary brothels the Academy has established in various private residences in the Hills to celebrate Oscar week. Others, however, have no such qualms: The LA Weekly's Nikki Finke delights in trying to ruin your Sunday evening by revealing some unexpected program elements designed to make viewers soil themselves in delight, such as [SPOILER ALERT!] the pairing of Paramount castoffs Tom Cruise and Sherry Lansing for the ten-minute musical number "Sumner Redstone Can Go Fuck Himself." Also: [PLEASE POKE OUT EYES, ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT] The ceremony's going to be very, very long. Not again, Oscar ! And one more [FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T READ THIS ONE—SPOILER AHEAD]:

· She's right, you know: If you're looking for the number 24 everywhere, you're going to find it everywhere.
· All that is required for the triumph of neglectful-pop-star-parent-evil is that good nannies be silent.
· Banging Harvey Weinstein has absolutely nothing to do with Marchesa's Georgina Chapman getting her designs onto the bodies of Oscar nominees who may want to work with Weinstein in the future.
· If Chinese Theatre Spider-Man's Oscar picks weren't your thing, how about some by a creepy ventriloquist's dummy?
· And speaking of the Chinese Theatre characters, the Chewbacca headbutt comes right at about the two minute mark on this one.
· Katie Holmes: Vagina Warrior. We'll leave it up to you to figure out on your own what horrors might lurk at that link's destination.

We at Defamer realize that time is preciously short for the still-dateless to find suitable, barely legal companionship for their various Oscar-related social obligations, and so we're committed to doing our part to help the industry's twink-loving lonelyhearts connect with the boyish consorts of their dreams. With this sacred mission in mind, we reach out to assist this anonymous Craigslist seeker in his efforts to cast a date who can play the part of "I don't even know this child who just climbed into my limo when I wasn't looking, officer," but who is actually old enough not to earn the ad's author any jail time:

Slate clues us into a disconcerting trend (well, if you can call the voting habits of a bored director and pissy publicist a "trend"), in which this year's tight Best Picture race is attributed to the fact that everyone hates all the nominees equally:

With the country once again infected with an uncontained outbreak of American Idol fever—we're sporting our Team Sundance T-shirts as we type this!— the savvy entrepreneurs behind the phenomenon have shown no shortage of creativity in capitalizing on America's seemingly insatiable hunger for finding tomorrow's Céline-Dion-ballad-belting, 1980s-jumpsuit-wearing superstars today. The latest brand extension: Idol Camp, where for a nominal fee (with scholarships available so that all those poor families who pin their entire futures on their kids making the cut can participate), your child can spend 10 intensive days on a Massuchusetts campus learning the fundamentals that will eventually give them that crucial leg-up on the approximately 35,000 other contestants they'll face when they reach qualifying age. Stunningly, actual "former Idols" will be on hand to coach your child to victory, and with a wildly diverse curriculum—everything from "Sing Sing Sing!" to "Idol Style" to the "Feel The Rhythm" drumming workshop ("Intro to Beatboxing" is pending)—they'll return with a newly acquired arsenal of performing skills, though sorely lacking in the self-defense training they'll need to avoid being pummeled by classmates who discovered how they spent their summer vacations.

· Music round-up: Michael Franti & Spearhead at the Wiltern; Jackson Browne and Willie Nelson at Gibson Amphitheatre; Cold War Kids at the Troubadour.
· The Egyptian's put together a nice little double-feature, with Carlito's Way (with an Oscar-worthy performance by Sean Penn's hair) and Scorsese's Mean Streets. But should you want to get your crack on, there's a special screening of Half Nelson at the ArcLight, with a Q&A with director/co-writer Ryan Fleck,
co-writer Anna Boden, and producers Jamie Patricoff and Lynette Howell.
· Sarah Silverman and Andy Kindler are among the brave comics who will subject themselves to the constant danger of a Benson Interruption at the UCB. [via The Coming]

A couple of tipsters were generous enough to forward us a pair of delightful e-mails currently making the rounds in local media and industry circles, in which aggrieved Hollywood princes Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen took a moment from their busy schedules to offer LAT reporter Susan King some constructive feedback on her assessment of Sheen's effusive introduction of brother Emilio's latest cinematic masterpiece at this year's Golden Globes. Below, Estevez helpfully quotes the blurb in its entirety before sharing his critique:

In the off chance you haven't been furiously clicking the refresh button on your browser for the past hour or tuned into CNN's round-the-clock coverage, we thought we'd update you on the latest developments in the Anna Nicole Smith body custody trial, wherein a seemingly pre-menstrual Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin delivered a weepy-yet-wise ruling that awarded Anna Nicole to none of the major players, but to Dannielynn's guardian, thereby bringing her daughter that much closer what every little five-month-old girl wants: The rapidly deteriorating remains of their birthing vessel:

George Lucas's entertainment company has filed opposition to social media site Digg's attempt to trademark its name. The dispute is based on Lucasart's 1995 video game, "The Dig." A helpful Digg commenter points out that potential consumer confusion could be alleviated by simply noting that one of these things is a 12-year-old game, and the other is a "website full of megalomaniacs."

In the interest of updating the record on last Friday's item speculating about the health of Ryan Phillippe's career following an e-mail solicitation ostensibly offering up the actor for the kind of party-hosting gigs that now pay Tara Reid's mortgage, we pass along this clarification from the owner of Esterman Entertainment, the talent booking service advertising Phillippe's availability:

· Oscar parties aren't just self-indulgent opportunities for winners to kick off their heels and skip La Dolce Vita-style through fudge-spewing fountains; they can also raise big bucks for charities, such as Elton John's AIDS Foundation, and the Motion Picture & Television Fund, which will raise $7.5 million with its fifth annual Night Before party Saturday at the Beverly Hills Hotel. [Variety]
· Uncontroversial Oscars host Ellen DeGeneres says she is "praying for...a one-armed pushup. I want somebody to streak." Failing that, she'd settle for Eddie Murphy sending Sasheen Littlefeather to the podium to decline his Oscar should he take Best Supporting Actor. [USA Today]
· Canadian Oscar nominees such as Ryan Gosling, Paul Haggis (Cancon Fun Fact: Both hail from London, Ontario!), and Deepa Mehta lunched with their consul general today in L.A. The patriotic pridefest became temporarily uncomfortable when Haggis cornered Gosling to tell him that while he thoroughly enjoyed his performance in Half Nelson, he thought the movie could have benefitted by having his inner-city history teacher character accidentally run over his crack dealer, only to discover that the two had more in common than they ever imagined. [Canada.com]