A pipe bomb exploded earlier today in a garbage can at Disney World in Orlando, but no need to panic: no one cares enough about Disneyland to bother with a copycat attack. [Breitbart]

If you found Friday's "Chris Farley baby" link unsettling, we probably can't recommend that you click over to this photo of Sharon Stone playing a) Jimmy Fallon's mother or b) a red-haired Teri Hatcher after being bitten by a zombie. [TMZ]

We're still a good six weeks out from pretending to care about the Emmys, but LAT Gold Derby blogger Tom O'Neil spent some time this weekend kidnapping TV Academy voters as they left a Beverly Hills Hilton screening of awards candidates, then waterboarding them in the back of a van until they begged their cruel interrogator to exclusively take down the names of the ten contenders that will soon be narrowed down to a mere five nominees. (You've never seen a man truly suffer until he's spent ten minutes trying to cough the words "Grey's Anatomy" through excruciatingly waterlogged lungs.) While we'd never dare dissipate the delicious tension of the Emmy nominations parties you've planned for July 19th by reprinting the lists here, we will note a handful of key snubbees from the drama category: The Shield, Brothers & Sisters, Rescue Me, and [sci-fi fans please look away, for it's just too horrible to contemplate] Battlestar Galactica. The full lists, for TV fans with poor impulse control, can be found here.

We know we left many of you hanging Friday, after the personal delivery of a Scary Lawyer letter heralded an all-time low in Spears Family mother-daughter relations. (That the paparazzi footage happened to kick start a hot, new jean-thong trend among fans offered little consolation.) Realizing how traumatic such a public estrangement from her cherished, elder meal-ticket daughter might be, Lynne Spears had some comforting words for concerned fans, via People:

With the highly lucrative days of (allegedly!) supplying Charlie Sheen with enough trannie valets to keep his fleet of luxury automobiles erotically parallel parked at all times long behind her, erstwhile whoremonger-to-the-Hollywood-stars Heidi Fleiss must find increasingly creative ways to leverage her unique brand for new lines of business. The latest, the cleverly named Nevada laundromat Dirty Laundry (it seems that Clean Clothes for Dirty, Dirty Sluts was already registered by a nearby competitor), should keep Fleiss solvent until she can find a place to park the trailer for her long-planned, lady-servicing Stud Farm brothel.

"Dear Prince: The dinner-jazz stuff is nice and all, but at $3121 or $312.10 a ticket, couldn't you at least play fucking 'Purple Rain'? Love, A Fan" [Would You Blog Me?]

In-N-Out sues Blowfish sushi for featuring an "Animal-Style" sushi roll, claiming they trademarked the term "animal" for their own, secret-menu burger. [Eater LA]

· Deciding that their Ritalin-addled viewers' comedy needs are not being met by episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen and Yo Momma, MTV is developing three American Pie/Ferris Bueller's Day Off-inspired movies to air on the network. [Variety]
· Richard "Shaft" Roundtree joins the cast of Speed Racer, hopes to avoid the vicious chimp attacks that have plagued other actors on the set. [THR]
· In an effort to keep its leadership intact for the world-ending, multi-guild strike about to wipe Hollywood off the face of the Earth, the DGA elects Michael Apted to a third term as President. [Variety]
· Despite having Sunday night's most watched show in Some Famous People Sing Nice Songs for the Dead Princess, NBC loses the primetime race to CBS. [THR]
· Shrek the Third takes the overseas box office crown with $69.6 million, but Transformers still managed to pull in $34.7 million. [Variety]

As we first noted back in March, select 7-Eleven's across the country have been magically transformed over the weekend into Kwik-E-Mart's—part of an elaborate promotional tie-in for The Simpsons Movie. There's a Burbank location at the corners of Olive and Verdugo, where a Flickr user has lovingly documented all the WooHoo! Blue Vanilla Squishees and Sprinklicious donuts that will be gobbled up in the days to come by die-hard Simpsons fanatics who have long cursed their lack of yellow skin. LAist, meanwhile, has a photo of their resident Apu-alike, Golam, whose sunshiny smile belies his familiarity with armed-robbery protocol.

Today, as you may or may not realize, is Lindsay Lohan's 21st birthday, an occasion which, under normal circumstances, would likely have been celebrated in Las Vegas, where the actress's passage into legal-drinking womanhood would have been commemorated by the filling of the Mandalay Bay's lazy river with hundreds of thousands of gallons of top-shelf vodka provided by a loyal corporate sponsor.

The Wachowskis are no strangers to set mishaps, dating all the way back to Bound, where their obsessive pursuit of girl-on-girl sex-scene perfectionism resulted in a slew of bruised groins and hicky-related injuries for lead actresses Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon. Today comes news of carnage on the Speed Racer set—their live action homage to the 1960s anime classic—where a chimpanzee has reportedly bitten a human co-star's hand. PETA has responded by sending a letter to superproducer Joel Silver, pleading with him to replace the animal with a CGI version, which tend to be far more agreeable and less prone to trainer-delivered beatings. Reports The Scoop:

Age-inappopriate trophy spouse/Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi dumps fatwa-surviving sugar daddy Salman Rushdie. [Reuters]

Sure, you may have enjoyed three-time Biggest Movie Star in the World titleholder Shia LaBeouf's fine work in Disturbia and Holes, but how much do you really know about the up-and-coming superstar handpicked by both Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg to be chased around their movie sets by giant fucking robots and old fucking archaeologists, respectively? Did you know that his unusual name, the bane of copy editors everywhere, means "Thank God for beef?," or that one of his parents was a pot-smoking hippie clown whose act once prominently featured a trained chicken?

This Monday morning is no less painful than any other on the calendar, but at least you only have to survive 48 hours before you're rewarded with a day off. Cling to the weekend box office numbers as you try to make it through the excruciating two days that stand between you and illegal firework displays, backyard barbecues, and egregious midweek drunkenness:

· Behold, the iPhone: Hollywood always wants what it cannot have. CAA dispatches its stormtroopers to intercept the new technology. Which they do, before sinking their teeth into complimentary, baby-filled burritos.
· Paris, released, after dabbling in the arts. Taco Bell makes an offer. NY Post's commemorative keepsake edition. Mika's choice. The Paris and Larry Show: 60 courageous minutes focusing on one thing. Flocking to the holy cart. Drug shocker!
· Brett + Hef + Brian = The Playboy movie to end all Playboy movies.
· John Stamos: HotMess.au.
· Germany refuses to let Tom Cruise shoot M:i:Hitler on their soil.
· Isaiah Washington can forget about joining the Law & Order family, which isn't to say he'd be out of place in a special victims unit.
· Another fake rehab survivor: Britney.
· Live Free and Die Hard's Bruce Willis has a rocket in his pants.
· Is Phil Spector just the innocent victim of a suicide-hosting?
· Ben Silverman does away with NBC's a.m. downers n' danish meetings.
· Traces of Blow: The Lindsay Lohan Story.
· Everything you always wanted to know about the Studio 60 finale but were too busy doing other things to watch.

"Lot might ultimately serve a purpose, though: If studio guards print out the Web page that features the contestants' mugs and post it at the studio gates, it might prevent at least one would-be Spielberg from sneaking onto a studio lot." [THR/Reuters]

You may not have realized it, but at just a couple of minutes before 11 p.m. last night, the final credits rolled on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, ending Aaron Sorkin's bold, ill-fated experiment in melding the light-hearted Hollywood world of late-night sketch comedy shows with the absurdly high geopolitical stakes of his Emmy-winning White House drama, The West Wing. And while a lesser showrunner recently chose to cloak the last moments of his beloved series in frustrating ambiguity, Sorkin was confident enough in his creative choices to allow a metaphorical Man in the Members Only Jacket to wander the halls of the darkened studio, bringing each storyline to a satisfying conclusion with a bullet to the back of every character's head. Because we suspect that many of you missed the series finale, we're happy to run down how each of your favorite players finished up his or her primetime existence. [Warning to the DVR users whose selfish insistence on time-shifting the show kept it from reaching its Nielsen potential: There are spoilers ahead.]

Friday
· Friday night music: Canadian singer/songwriter Feist plays the Wiltern, The Veils are at Spaceland , and Army of Me play the Troubadour.
· Daft Punk's movie Electroma screens at the New Beverly, in which they finally remove their robot masks to reveal their true identities: They were Hall & Oates all along!

Joel Siegel , longtime Good Morning America movie critic and rabid Kevin Smith fan, has died at 63. [ABC News]

Phalanxes of assistants willing to kill or die for the satiation of their employer's iPhone lust have already marched on our city's Apple stores, hoping that a triumphant return to the office with the shiny treasure will earn them a slightly less intense late-afternoon lashing. A Defamer operative posted at the Beverly Center has just submitted our first report from the battlefront, offering us the vicarious thrill of a glimpse into the shadowy and dangerous world of industry line-waiters: