While American actors still cling to the silly idea that most endorsements somehow diminish their personal brands, they've proven time and time again that once they travel overseas, they'll deep-throat virtually any product if the price is right. The Defamer Special Correspondent On Things Eva Longoria Will Put In Her Mouth For Money just sent us these two images from the streets of Madrid and Granada, respectively, depicting the Desperate Housewives star enjoying a chilly treat known as Magnum, a European item which we'll assume carries no connection to the extra-large line of Trojan prophylactics enjoyed by girthier men back here in the States.

Hollywood has always provided a fertile feeding ground for scam artists like David William Port, a Kansas City resident who bilked hundreds of thousands of dollars from gullible investors convinced they could grow their nest eggs by hitching them to the enduring bankability of Pamela Anderson prancing down the Malibu shore in a physics-defying one-piece bathing suit. From the Reuters report:

9 Reasons Why The Office's John Krasinski Would Choose to Star in a Robin Williams Movie [SuicideGirls.com]

· Music round-up: The Chapin Sisters at the Echo; The Vacation at the Roxy; The Waking Hours at Safari Sam's.
· The New Beverly features an Al Pacino/Brian De Palma double-bill of Scarface and Carlito's Way. Come for Pacino's defining performance, and stick around to see Sean Penn rock perhaps the greatest movie-hair in the history of cinema.
· Hollywood's Theatre of Note hosts the Films for Play series of undistributed local films. Tonight's program of comedy shorts includes irresistible titles like Captain Undergarments, The Shabbos Bigfoot, and Taco Chick and Salsa Girl.

Positing that just-released Michael Bay blowing-shit-up-tacular Transformers might have the most impressive specials effects work ever, Popular Mechanics profiles the brave Industrial Light & Magic technicians charged with the near-impossible task of translating the notes that the notoriously demanding director shouted at them through his omnipresent megaphone into workable computer models involving tens of thousands of virtual moving parts. Revealed one engineer on the pressures of toiling underneath such a hands-on taskmaster:

You hardly need this dangerously low Tomatometer to tell you that License to Wed might not live up to the considerable comedic promise of most Robin Williams vehicles, but in the interest of piling on, we present this round-up of headlines exploring virtually every possible negative permutation of badness, legal documents, and the sacrament of marriage:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you ogled Brian Grazer's rippling physique at a Greek restaurant in Malibu.

Before you vilify the guy who recently beat a peacock that wandered into a Burger King parking lot "so fiercely that most of [its] tail feathers fell out," realize that the terrified man believed he was doing battle with a deadly vampire. [Yahoo/AP]

Even on this slowest of pre-holiday news days, we still can barely be bothered to pass along Nicole Richie updates, but we felt it was important that you know that the longtime Paris Hilton mascot and Simple Life star's reproductive system seems to be in working order, even with the stress of a possible jail term looming over her. The father is presumed to be one of the guys from The Good Charlottes, though we absolutely refuse to read far enough into TMZ's report to figure out exactly which one.

Woody Harrelson, flanked by fellow Hemp Foundation trustee Matthew McConaughey, gives the camera the shaka sign at the Surfer Dude wrap party. [People.com]

· In the latest development in the increasingly hard-to-follow story of Valkyrie's Tom Cruise and Bryan Singer's attempts to obtain shooting permits for German government sites in Berlin, the production has been denied permission to film in the historic Benderblock building, where the revered Nazi-hunter to be portrayed by the actor was executed. But not because Cruise is a Scientologist! Government officials understandably just want to preserve the dignity of their memorial, realizing that everything Hollywood touches is instantly desecrated. [Variety]
· Actors who may or may not be joining the cast of Desperate Housewives: Dana Delany, Nathan Fillion, and Lyndsy Fonseca. Fun fact: Delaney was the first choice for the role eventually given to Marcia Cross. [THR]
· Transformers gets a "six-day weekend" to squeeze as much money as possible out of the Fourth of July holiday. [Variety]
· Sad news: We may be falling slowly out of love with the most promising show of the summer, NBC's Kittens Vs. Cougars: The Battle To Bone Onetime Tennis Star Marc Philippoussis, which felt a little desperate and saggy after last night's low-rated, back-to-back installments. (And what happened to companion show Boner Vs. Science?) [THR]
· Spike Lee angry. [Variety]

Prince's Roosevelt Hotel residency is well underway, though a number of fans willing to cough up the hefty ticket prices ($312.10 gets you standing-room access to the miniature funk prodigy, ten times that amount gets you all that plus a chair and some rubbery chicken) have emerged underwhelmed. The booking's billing, meanwhile, as "possibly the last time" the singer would perform in L.A. might not have been a mere seat-filling ploy, as Page Six is reporting that the Super Bowl shadow-puppet provocateur is using his earnings to relocate overseas:

In an effort to convince sponsors that they're not throwing away millions of TV advertising dollars on commercials that demographically desirable viewers can render harmless with a press of a DVR button, desperately innovative fourth-place network NBC has contracted a research firm to wire up some guinea pigs helpful volunteers to prove that their promotional messages can still penetrate the human brain even through the muted blur of the fast-forward function. Reports the NY Times:

On last night's edition of Larry King Live, CNN's in-house confessor to the disgraced Hollywood stars played host to the latest stop of embattled former TV surgeon Isaiah Washington's Breaking the Silence: I'm Mad As Hell And Not Going to Take It Anymore Tour, on which the controversially non-renewed Grey's Anatomy actor, freed of an apparent ABC/Disney gag order by his dismissal from the show, is taking to the media again and again to inform the public about the myriad conspiratorial forces (racism, gay puppetmasters, etc etc) that led to his being cast out of horny-doctor Eden.

Today's informed consumers of Hollywood product are so barraged with information meant to influence their ticket-buying decisions that they hardly have time to read entire reviews, much less reviews of films sure to disappoint. And so in the interest of assisting holiday weekend moviegoers wisely spend their entertainment dollars, we turn to CNN.com's always-efficient Story Highlights box, which with a mere three bullet points has tidily eliminated one unpromising option from the crowded multiplex marketplace. A quibble, however: Assigning blame to the film's four credited writers unfairly ignores the hard work of studio executives who contributed to the projects failure by giving thoughtful notes like, "Can Robin Williams be a little less priest-y? But not totally unpriesty. This is Meet the Priest, after all. Reverend! Meet the Reverend. We don't want the Catholics picketing."

· Rehab is easy; developing the upper body strength necessary to accurately portray a murdered stripper is hard.
· John Travolta would like you to know that there was nothing gay whatsoever about his dressing in drag for Hairspray, and even if it was a little gay, his incredibly tolerant religion would be OK with it.
· "Criss Angel's wife says the magic has gone from their marriage and she now wants to make him vanish from her life." Also, she is unhappy with her estranged husband's "repeated attempts to saw rumored new girlfriend Cameron Diaz in half with his penis."
· Hey, unicorns! On the JesusPhone!

One happy byproduct of John Stamos's recent Australian escapades—including an unhinged morning show visit in which the actor waxed incoherently about the size of a journalist's genitalia and Princess Diana's death—is that the ER star's deformed belly button has ceased to be the most interesting about him. Still, the series of discombobulated media appearances Down Under seem to have done more bad than good for Stamos's profile, and now the actor wants everyone to know that the real culprit was just some prescription sleep-aids. From TVGuide.com:

Over at the Huffington Post, celebrity blogger and self-described conscientious TV objector ("I need to admit that I don't watch TV...have never seen a single episode of Cheers, Friends, Seinfeld, American Idol..well, you get the idea." Oh, we do, former star of Anything But Love!) Jamie Lee Curtis describes how her life was changed forever upon discovering the hottest trend* in end-of-Western-civilization-as-we-know-it-television, the elimination-based reality show:

We realize many of you would find it difficult to improve upon two-plus hours of watching Shia LaBeouf perfect his "whoa" face accompanied by top-notch visual effects, but at least one Craigslist user is seeking to enhance his moviegoing experience by bookending it with a little non-Transformers action. Since we here at Defamer would like nothing more than to pair a horny Michael Bay fan suffering from intimacy issues with their dream match, we thought we'd helpfully reproduce the ad (it's NSFW) after the jump:

· Music round-up: Eskimohunter at Spaceland; Light FM at Silverlake Lounge; The Ghost Lullaby at Safari Sam's.
· The Hollywood Bowl kicks off its three-night. cowboy-flavored pyrotechnic spectacular celebrating the birth of our Great Nation, with the LA Philharmonic providing a lovely sonic backdrop for each ear-shattering explosion. [via flavorpill]
· Like historical novels set in 17th-century China? Then you should already be on your way to Vroman's in Pasadena, where Lisa See will be reading from Peony in Love.