Those who stayed tuned for the local news after last night's Gossip Girl (please don't judge us—there's truly nothing on TV these days) may have seen a segment on Paul Karason, a man whose longtime ingestion of some kind of magical cure-all liquid has turned him blue. We were too paralyzed with awe by the story to hit record on the TiVo, but we were delighted to discover that our more-vigilant colleagues at Consumerist have excavated some video from an even better treatment.

As America struggles to cope with the reality of the one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet, we gather the latest updates in the Jamie Lynn Spears Teen Pregnancy Shocker! Disaster! Nightmare!:
· What's a trailerpark nativity story without an Uncle Odus? According to the Baptist preacher kin of It Babydaddy Casey Aldridge, the family is "shocked and yet we aren't." Which is Baptist preacherspeak for, "Jamie Lynn is a nice girl. For a Spears." [TMZ]
· Well, here's your problem right here, see: Someone left the key lying around to Jamie Lynn's heart-shaped chastity lock. [jamielynnspears.com]
· The good news: From what everyone is saying, Aldridge is a fine young man with his feet on the ground (and his hands in the Nickelodeon splat-branded cookie jar). [People]
· A "Spears family insider" claims Jamie Lynn and Casey have already broken up, and that she doesn't even want him to be in the delivery room. [Life & Style]

The beta testers on Hulu, News Corp. and NBC's video site, like hot girls just as much as the rest of us. The two most viewed videos of all time? A clip from 30 Rock called "Wear a Bra" and another from Keeping Up with The Kardashians that showcases a comely blonde sunbathing. See both videos after the jump. Other top clips? Most from Saturday Night Live, including "Lazy Sunday," the video that kickstarted YouTube for the masses, and Natalie Portman rapping.

We know that the last thing anyone wants to hear about is our technical problems (and yet here we go anyway!), but one of those internet outages that our service provider occasionally likes to surprise us with to keep us on our toes has forced us out in the world to find a connection. We should be up shortly, though things may be running at half-speed for a little while. As always, thank you for bearing with us during these incredibly difficult times.

· Hold on a second...did Martha Stewart just say that it's "too bad" that Trump Steaks aren't actually made from her old Apprentice boss's freshly slaughtered flesh? We think she did! She'll be dead by morning.
· Jamie Lynn Spears probably made herself pregnant by laughing at Knocked Up.
· "Occasionally cradling the doll-baby Jesus, Lohan was asked to compare holding the savior of Christianity with cradling Lindsay when she was born 21 years ago."
· Hey, Christmas unicorn.

Can it possibly be that Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger is already tired of the emotional demands of enveloping the panicked citizenry of Malibu in his strong arms each time a wildfire cuts a new swath through some eight-figure weekend homes, and might be planning a return to the Hollywood superstardom he's briefly forsaken to dabble in public service? THR's Ray Richmond blogs that some picket-line chatter amongst the writers of Schwarzenegger's signature blowing-shit-up fare indicates that he may have his eye on a possible comeback:

After the Dallas Cowboys learned the hard way that Hollywood albatross Jessica Simpson's amazing abilities to induce failure extend from the multiplex to the football field, receiver Terrell Owens warned Simpson to skip a visit to the stadium and watch quarterback boyfriend Tony Romo from the safety of her living room: "With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away. Other than that, she was high on my list until last week...Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned." The NFL's leading endzone showman didn't elaborate on his exact plans, but he can expect heavy fines from the commissioner should he drop his pants and defecate on a Dukes of Hazzard DVD to celebrate his first playoff touchdown as payback for this week's embarassing loss. [FoxNews.com/AP]

It's a sad day for scheming opportunists everywhere, as the jury in the case of David Chase Vs. Some Guy Who Didn't Write The Sopranos has ruled in favor of the genius creator/showrunner and against Robert Baer. Who? Exactly.

· Music round-up: The Republic Tigers at Spaceland; The Binges at the Troubadour; Dub Club at Echoplex.
· The Rhino Popup Store hosts a performance of "sweet and sinful songs by The Sin City All Stars, Mike Stinson, Dave Gleason, Aaron Beavers (Shurman), and Dead Rock West," plying you with free music and beverages (the alcoholic kind, we hope) as you browse their wares.
· King King hosts Wink, a monthly exhibition of art, live music, burlesque performance, and multimedia presentations. Tonight features the talents of tightrope troupe Aerial Showgirls.

Is your personal strike fund dipping to dangerously low levels as the already weeks-old work stoppage drags into the New Year with no end in sight? Those who can still afford their copies of Variety today learned that there's help available to those approaching dire financial straits, as the compassionate proprietors of high-end Beverly Hills pawnshop The Dita Collection have taken out a half-page ad (click image for a larger version) offering reduced loan rates for all "verifiable WGA, SAG, DGA, IA, and Teamster Brothers" who might need to hock their fine art and jewelry to make their mortgage payment. It's profoundly touching how every sector of our city seems to be joining together to help those affected by the strike survive these difficult times, even if they're an engagement ring or gold watch lighter by the time a deal is reached.

You can probably add Brandon Estrada to the list of items you can't bring on an airplane. Rush & Molloy are reporting that Erik Estrada's son had himself a little freak-out, necessitating an emergency landing in Oklahoma City, onboard a Memphis-bound Northwest flight:

With precious few deals to make, phone calls from needy clients to dodge, and script coverage to pretend to have read during the strike, the industry's idling agents have been spending their sudden surfeit of free time congregating inside Facebook's virtual Mr. Chow dining room, giddily partaking of all the cutting-edge networking and sheep-tossing features they were once far too busy to enjoy. This week's NY Observer examines this phenomenon, even getting several reps on the record about how they use their favorite new toy:

It seems the WGA strike has claimed its first awards season victim: according to a press release from Extra, the ceremony for The People's Choice Awards has been canceled; confusingly, "some form" of the event involving no red carpet and no media is still scheduled to air on January 8th, as CBS is apparently determined to fulfill its sacred duty as custodians of the public's statuette-granting will whether or not there's an actual "show" to broadcast. (Or picket.) We're told to stay tuned for more updates on what this all means, but our attention span on this matter has already been taxed to the limit by wondering how host Queen Latifah might be integrated into the modified proceedings in a way that doesn't tragically squander her talents. [ExtraTV.com]

The unassailable paragon of morality known as the Catholic Church is officially adding to the chorus of complaints about The Golden Compass with a long editorial in the Vatican newspaper l'Osservatore Romano. They're upset because it "promotes a cold and hopeless world without God." (Their displeasure with New Line's fiscal profligacy is unstated but implied. They also thought it was too long.)

Having only pre-shot Spears-related pregnancy segments involving scenarios in which the reliably troubled, impressively fertile Britney is knocked up by either one of her record producers, a Starbucks barista with whom she spends more quality time than her children, or a Child Services case worker lured into her sex dungeon during a routine home visit, the media found themselves scrambling to deal with the wholly unanticipated news of Jamie Lynn's impregnation that broke late yesterday.Defamer videographer Molly McAleer has compiled this brief sampling of how some TV outlets (such as local ABC and NBC affiliates and the always-nimble TMZ) responded to this story of unparalleled international importance, wrapping it up with today's coverage from The View that had the advantage of an entire night's worth of Whoopi Goldberg's thoughtful contemplation.

Jennifer Love Hewitt's ass, the now-infamous celebrity hindquarters that recently found itself at the center of a cellulite-related tabloid scandal, has politely refused Playboy's generous offer to correct the recent paparazzi-inflicted indignity by lending the rump its legendary, dimple-eradicating Photoshop and soft-lighting services. The magazine, however, is still holding out hope that ongoing negotiations with the rep for the actress's less media-shy breasts will be more fruitful. [ITW]

· The Writers Guild has decided to picket the Golden Globes, a move that may make the decision to skip the ceremony easier for conflicted members of SAG. However, the possibility is raised that WGA protestors could be set up far enough away from the Beverly Hilton's entrance that actors who decide to attend could be spared the shame of physically crossing a picket line. [Variety]
· Meanwhile, organizers for the Globes scramble to figure out how to put on a show without writers, while talent awaits official word on whether or not they should cancel their table reservations in solidarity—a "topic so sensitive that a number of publicists — including Alan Nierob, who reps Mel Gibson and Steve Martin — wouldn't even comment about why their clients weren't commenting." [THR]

Step aside, Lindsay, you're not the only rumored lesbian jockeying for headlines these days. Queen Latifah, best known for her hugely successful acting career among film fans, and best known for the song "U.N.I.T.Y." in the apartment where this blog post is being typed, will be the latest celebrity spokeswoman for Jenny Craig:

Say what you will about the AMPTP, an organization much-derided for its clumsy attempts to utilize the hated internets as a means for spreading the word about its burning desires to lavish Radio Contest Winner Money upon greedy, unreasonable writers, but it's now deploying its online resources much more effectively.

Page Six is reporting that Lindsay Lohan has a new best friend, and hinting at a little more than that. The libertine starlet, who has allegedly gotten down with Sapphic spinner Samantha Ronson in druggier days past, is palling about town with Courtenay[ sic] Semel...and living with her! We know Lohan's dwindling coffers may have put the kibosh on some of the luxuries from the glory days (six-figure Marmont tabs, denting then replacing Mercedes, coke), but come on. The girl can afford a one-bedroom, right? Try looking east of Western.