Yesterday, there was much rejoicing in Fanboy Middle Earth following the announcement that director Peter Jackson would return to produce two The Hobbit movies for New Line after settling his dispute over the Lord of the Rings profits the filmmaker said the studio owed him. But how much money did it take for Jackson to rescind his onetime pledge to "feed the greedy [NL co-chairman] Bob Shaye's lifeless body to a hungry Gollum and toss what's left of his well-gnawed remains into the hottest volcano in Mordor before I begin to even think about doing another hairy-midget flick"? About $40 million, according to two people involved. [NY Times]

Self-proclaimed "queen of all media" Perez Hilton no longer reigns on YouTube. Girlfriend managed to get not one but two accounts banned from the Google-owned video site after he "posted a very critical video about their practices." Naturally, Hilton reacted with calm and reason unconstrained diva fury. Here's Hilton's rant:

With the shocking—just shocking!—news arriving late yesterday afternoon that knocked-up sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, little sister of overmatched young mom Britney and the Spears clan's last hope to raise an earner who could stay out of trouble until her early twenties, might not have been properly educated about the contraceptive options available to teenage actresses who don't want their burgeoning careers stalled by unplanned motherhood, we've all had a sleepless night to adjust to the realities of this new, post-impregnation world. We now retreat into a defensive round-up crouch to handle the most recent developments in the story that will keep us all warm during the holiday slowdown:

· Who needs writers when you have Carmen Electra, a pair of beds, and some pillows to hump? Not Ellen, that's who.
· A bigger impediment to one's game: being David Faustino, or having a giant dildo affixed to one's head?
· The Santarchy guys really need to crash the Beverly Center's Hunky Santa booth.
· New York may have found true reality TV love.
· The one about the vacationers and the toothbrush in the ass has always been our favorite urban legend.

In a Very Special Issue of OK! Magazine set to arrive on newsstands tomorrow, sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, the pride of Nickelodeon's teen talent stable, will reveal that she's continuing the proud family tradition of ill-advised pregnancies established by infant-fumbling, mothering-impaired older sister Britney.

Well, that didn't take very long: The first new American Gladiator with a gay porn past has been revealed by our foam-baton -and- sandal-fetishist cousins over at Fleshbot. As he's described in his official website bio, Militia is a force to be reckoned with, measuring at "6-foot, 3-inch, 220-pounds," with "an impressive arsenal of skills at his disposal," including, but not limited to, the tennis ball cannon he appears to be smuggling in his shorts.

· Music round-up: Social Distortion at House of Blues; Might Six Ninety at the Troubadour; Ranch Party with Cousin Lovers at Spaceland.
· Perhaps inspired by the live shows their 30 Rock and SNL peers recently performed in NY, cast members from The Office are doing an evening of stand-up at the UCB Theatre to benefit The Actors Fund.
· The New Beverly Cinema never fails to deliver the double-feature holiday cheer: tonight's Grindhouse Film Festival-curated bill features Black Christmas and Silent Night Deadly Night, two classics of the Santa-slasher genre.

Starved for content as his network exhausts its reservoir of scripted programming, NBC perfect storm Ben Silverman says he'll soon repurpose episodes of USA's Monk and Psych to run on the Peacock flagship, but he claims the plan is more long-planned corporate shitergy than a strike-induced panic move. "A lot of this we would be doing anyway,' he said, according to TV Week. "The strike is pointing a flashlight on it.'" He then continued, his once-brave facade suddenly cracking, "Did you see how badly Clash of the Choirs shit the bed last night? My entire universe is crumbling around me. If dueling gangs of gospel singers isn't going to be a hit, I don't have a clue what's going to get us through until we get The Office back." [TV Week]

John Berg, a character actor you may recognize (we didn't) from shows like House M.D., NCIS, and Monk, has been found dead at his home in Van Nuys, from what authorities are saying was self-administered carbon monoxide poisoning. "'Life was treating him well,' said Liz Hanley, Berg's agent. Along with acting, Berg maintained a political blog in which he wrote that he was 'passionate about acting, and even more passionate about leaving the country and the world better' than he found it." Can we just skip ahead to summer now? [AP, IMDB]

Reporting from Los Angeles's historic Wilshire Boulevard Bomb Scare district, an operative tells us that a suspiciously under-decorated package has drawn the attention of the police, causing the shutdown of the area to traffic: "Like so many brown paper wrapped Secret Santa gifts, something doesn't seem right about this one: It's been deemed a suspicious package near 6300 Wilshire (the Conde Nast building), though apparently it was left closer to the Israeli consulate down the street. There are some of us who think it could be a disgruntled employee hoping to get out of going to the CN holiday party later today, or perhaps some misplaced/discarded swag intended for the CN editors. There are about four police cars outside and the cops are politely instructing cars traveling eastbound on Wilshire to turn around. (Not a lot of cars are paying attention yet.) They're also clearing the sidewalks on both sides of Wilshire now." We're sure that the situation will soon be under control, the misplaced Yankee Swap gift will be returned to its rightful recipient, and everyone's plans to get shitfaced on company time will proceed according to plan.

To the casual onlooker, Mike "Boogie" Malin leads an existence worth coveting: a self-made nightlife entrepreneur with first pick of the aspiring-starlet veal, Malin is perhaps most famous for quarantining himself on national TV and walking away from the experience $1 million richer. But there's an ugly underside to life in the Hollywood fast lane, strewn with suspicious growths, nights in Denver jail, partners accused of rape, and now, courtesy of Eater LA, this:

Preferring to keep to herself the naughty Yuletide tales of how a couple of glasses of brandy-infused apple cider and a tantalizing proximity to some dangling mistletoe release her Rent-A-Santa-craving, hot-flashing office party freak, The View's Barbara Walters decided to celebrate the season by sharing with America the Christmas cards her famous friends have recently sent her.

Record exec/talent scout/television mogul/dedicated Kool cigarette smoker Simon Cowell is denying reports that his tantrum torpedoed an American Idol publicity photo shoot budgeted at $50K. Cowell spoke to Extra in between drags on his minty cancer stick:

· Following NBC's Monday announcement that it's sending Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien back to work without writers, ABC's Jimmy Kimmel is the next late-night domino to fall, as he'll join his competitors in producing scribe-free shows on January 2nd. The now-obligatory "I support the cause but I don't want the rest of the staff losing their jobs" back-to-work statement: "Though it makes me sick to do so without my writers, there are more than 100 people whose financial well-being depends on our show. It is time to go back to work. I support my colleagues and friends in the WGA completely and hope this ends both fairly and soon." [THR]
· Universal's State of Play, which recently weathered an acting upgrade/heartthrob downgrade when Russell Crowe replaced a fleeing Brad Pitt, is now officially troubled™: Ed Norton has also left the project, and up-and-coming director Ben Affleck is now "in talks" to resume his acting career by taking Norton's place. [Variety]

Somewhat disappointingly, there's no footage of cast members like Tom Berenger or Laura Prepon making sympathetic pizza deliveries to the protesting writers, perhaps indicating that the strike has dragged on so long no one can be bothered to take an easy, solidarity-promoting photo-op anymore.

David Chase took to the stand on Tuesday to offer his defense in a lawsuit alleging that the Sopranos creator bilked Robert Baer, an early contributor to the series, out of financial compensation. David Chase has responded by calling Baer "self-delusional." Chase's lawyer has adduced evidence to corroborate the charge of mental illness: Baer liked the dream sequence episode. [AP]

In a Christmas miracle sure to have Lord of the Rings fans putting on their official Bilbo Baggins Furry Feet™ and dancing in unselfconscious joy around the replica Shires they've lovingly constructed in their basements, the once-feuding Peter Jackson and New Line have announced they've buried the hatchet (read: a big bag of LOTR settlment money is quietly being delivered to the director's New Zealand compound) and will move forward (with MGM) on two The Hobbit live-action films. Huzzah! Says Jackson about the dentente that will allow everyone to grow wealthier together without involving the courts: "I'm very pleased that we've been able to put our differences behind us, so that we may begin a new chapter with our old friends at New Line. 'The Lord of the Rings' is a legacy we proudly share with Bob and Michael, and together, we share that legacy with millions of loyal fans all over the world. We are delighted to continue our journey through Middle Earth." [Var]

Christian chop-socker and 2007's "Most Forwarded" Chuck Norris sat down with Larry King last night to share his opinions about who should run the free world. It's Mike Huckabee. So, when you're in the booth next year, about to press flesh to Diebold, remember: Chuck Norris endorses Mike Huckabee. (You might want to bookmark this page.) The mind reels at the the "Norris Facts"-esque gems inboxs will clog with over the coming year: "Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in creationism. He created it."

Breaking! Press release reveals sassy, matching cougar/canine fashion at local Sex and the City movie shoot! "FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Kim Cattrall and her pooch are stylish in matching Nancy Gonzalez during the filming of Sex and the City
December 17th, 2007 - Kim Cattrall stepped out on the streets of Los Angeles while filming a scene from Sex and The City carrying a Nancy Gonzalez handbag. Kim Cattrall' s dog is wearing a one of a kind matching Nancy Gonzalez collar and leash made especially by the designer for the dog."

People.com's always-discriminating readers have spoken: Britney Spears, the serially troubled onetime pop-star whose head-shaving, custody-forfeiting, meth-addled-stripper-gone-to-seed-imitating misadventures have kept the shark-infested tabloid waters well-chummed for an entire calendar year, is the proud recipient of the website's coveted 2007 Bestie Award for Most Talked About Star. In what we'll assume was a landslide, Spears topped Angelina Jolie, who, much to her detriment in this particular race, did not lose possession of even one of the estimated fifteen orphans she collected during her Third World travels on behalf of the United Nations.