It's been fun, everyone, but I'm returning to obscurity. It pays better.

"If you run one more mile, I'll give you another sip."

Friday:
· Concept cover band Loser s Lounge present the music of the Cure versus the Smiths — so that you, the audience, can decide who depresses you more. This is not as cool as watching Morrissey and Robert Smith actually fight each other, but you can't have it all. [flavorpill]
· Famous designers Milton Glaser and Mirko Ilic curated The Design of Dissent, examples of illustrated protest opening tonight at the School of Visual Arts. Playwright Tony Kushner joins Glaser and Ilic for a discussion about the project and the soon to be released book of the same name. You just knew there was a tie-in. Capitalist whores, all of them. [TONY]
Saturday:
· Super-hyped bands The Killers and Louis XIV take it outdoors with a show at the Central Park Summerstage. Though the show is sold out, you can picnic close-by and still enjoy the sight of hipsters getting sunburned. [Oh My Rockness]
· Coney Island just got creepier (hard to believe) with the introduction of the Saturday Night Film Series. This week, enjoy Confessions of a Psycho Cat and cult classic Reefer Madness. And then get the hell out of Coney Island. [Coney Island]
Sunday:
· Controversial artist Sanford Biggers opens a new show with three ridiculously intricate pieces, including a huge portrait of 70 s Kung Fu star Jim Kelley rendered in grains of rice. Aren't there starving babies somewhere? [flavorpill]

Whether you're doing it to promote an album, a religion, or your sad, desperate struggle with heterosexuality, going through the motions of a transparently false romantic relationship is a quick and easy way to get a little ink. Here's a few of our recent favorites:

Those party animals at Curbed should have extended the deadline for their name-a-neighborhood contest just a little longer, cause Newsday just came up with their entry today:

A hijack alert was erroneously activated this morning on a Virgin Atlantic flight from Heathrow to JFK, forcing an emergency landing in Nova Scotia. Fearing for the worst, Canada took one for Team NYC and the plane was landed in the dispensible Great White North:

We're figuring that the more filthy souls amongst you are aware of the following, but Gawker would be seriously remiss if we didn't directly present you with the alleged nude pictorial of Donald Trump's latest wife, Melania Knauss. (Also, it's Friday, so we'll post almost anything.)

Now that Tom Cruise has done "enough promotion already" and apparently has been muzzled by his War of the Worlds partners, L. Ron's brigade is forced to send forth a new, C-list emissary into the world to spread the message. If they can't have Tom Terrific doing a half-hour on Access Hollywood, well, they're going to have to settle for John Travolta's wife (Kelly Preston, whose "spousal duties" seem to leave a lot of time for pamphleteering) doing 1800 clumsy words on the HuffPost:

The West Side Stadium is like Mission Impossible 3: By the time both things happen, Tom Cruise will be dating Dakota Fanning. Nevertheless, a state court has further cleared the way for the behemoth project, the final approval of which is now facing a stalemate in Albany thanks to the opposition of Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver and Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno.

Hopefully, we're the first and last to use that headline pun. Especially because I'm not buying this for a second.

Tell a bunch of degenerate media-types they can win $3,500 just by sitting around a table for a few hours, and what do you get? The poker tourney that took over Soho House last night as part of the book party for Michael Kaplan and Brad Reagan's new poker tome, Aces & Kings. Our dirty new younger brother, Oddjack's A.J. Daulerio, accompanied Gawker Party Crash vet Eliot Shepard on to the felt. The glory of it all, on the other side of this link.

Last night, Air America threw a cocktail party in honor of TV trash-talk host Jerry Springer, to celebrate his new radio show on Lizz Winstead's favorite dial. So we sent Gawker rentboy K. Eric Walters* to brave the salsa at Rosa Mexicano on the Upper West Side — but not without preparing him for a possible assault from irate transgendered left wingers. Instead of chair-throwing, however, he found a surprisingly reasonable, seemingly sane Jerry Springer. The exclusive, guacamole-fueled interview after the jump.

Last night, Hillary Clinton thrust her hands into Young Hollywood's pockets (warning: exactly as sexy as it sounds) at a fundraiser at Roland "My Next Movie Will Have A Tidal Wave So Big It Makes Mudslides On The Moon" Emmerich's place. One set of those pockets belonged to a Defamer operative, who powered through the party's multitiered security measures and relative lack of starpower to submit this brief report:

· "Literary-fantasist phenoms" Paul LaFarge and Salvador Plascencia spin tales of 1881 Parisian dreams, disillusioned saints, and Baby Nostradamus' at Housing Works tonight. The reading is (obviously) brought to you by McSweeney's. [flavorpill]
· Rothko celebrates their 1st anniversary party tonight and tomorrow with back-to-back shows featuring Brit laptop boys Plaid. Self-indulgent bastards. [Paper]
· A moment of relative seriousness, if we may be so permitted: Speak Out: I Had an Abortion is a documentary that eschews the politics surrounding the issue and deals with the actual women. It screens at UnionDocs in Williamsburg tonight; catch it before the feds take it away. [UnionDocs]

Alex Kuczynski has a problem with American Apparel. It's not the casual cotton clothes that bother the Times writer; rather, she has a problem with the company's soft-core pornographic marketing style:

Now that she's getting married, Paris Hilton may soon find herself having to support a whole family on her meager reality television income. Hoping to parlay some of her fame into a modest bit of merchandising cash, she attempted to trademark herself last year. How did it go? According to the US Patent and Trademark Office:

We can think of some other iniquitous trends for which Lizzie's might be held responsible.

As some people have already noted, the Deep Throat story has returned to the public eye just as the media engaged in a debate over the use of anonymous sourcing. Outlets like the New York Times and Newsweek have received a great deal of criticism recently over the quality of their reporting, and have announced very public plans to revamp their sourcing policies. We here at Gawker have thought long and hard about these issues as well — as a shining beacon of integrity and trustworthiness, the last bastion of true objective journalism in the forest of opinionated "bloggers" and shouting partisans, we know we have a responsibility to our readership, who depend on us for solid, unimpeachable reporting from credible sources. To preserve that fragile trust, we give you the Gawker Policy on Anonymous Sources:

Now available on t-shirts and coffee mugs, the Christian Slater GropeGate Docket is the perfect gift for that special someone in your life:

· At a special Sunday preview of Cinderella Man in East Hampton, the crowd openly booed and hissed during the trailer for Kathy Hilton's new reality show, I Want To Be A Hilton. Apparently, network television can only be desecrated by one Hilton at a time. [Page Six]
· Now that Lindsay Lohan has recovered from her tragic car crash caused by paparazzi-vultures, she's ready for revenge and considering a lawsuit against the photographer's Fame agency. If that doesn't work, she'll have her people in Long Island "take care of things." [R&M]
· Today Show co-hosts Matt Lauer and Katie Couric liken their recent media coverage to a root canal. [Lowdown (2nd to last item)]
· Joan Rivers accuses Robert Redford of having bad plastic surgery; America accuses Joan Rivers of using plastic surgery to unfairly continue her existence. [Scoop (2nd item)]