Hey, remember way back on Sunday, when that homeless person caused a fire that pretty much destroyed the C train? Still wondering how this sort of thing could ever happen? A Gawker spy enlightens us all with this lovely image de camera phone, taken yesterday morning at the 4 train platform at Borough Hall. What you see, according to our source, is an on-duty transit cop watching the movie Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle on a portable DVD player with the volume turned up. To his left is the security monitor, which we suppose he should be watching.

· The winner of the 2004 Story Prize, awarded to the best short story collection of the year, gets 20 G's. Not a bad hunk of change. Head on over to the Peter Jay Sharpe Theater tonight to hear from the three finalists and to see who wins. [flavorpill]
· Author/activist/High Times writer Jason Flores-Williams is clearly a bit more pissed off than the rest of us at the re-election of Dubbya—he spearheads the "Call for New York Secession" tonight at Junno's. As much as we love the idea, we thinketh Mr. Flores-Williams should lay off the cheeba for a while. [TONY]
· Evidently, there was some giant wave-thingy that crashed in Southeast Asia and caused a lot of damage. We'll look into it. In the meantime, past and present SNLers (Amy Poehler, Horatio Sanz, Rob Riggle), Daily Show correspondents (Ed Helms, Rob Corddry), and assorted other funny people perform at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre to raise some money for Mercy Corp's relief effort. [UCB]

From: Robert
To: Gawker
Date: 1.26.2005
Subject: Has Jonathan Cheban encountered murky waters?

Help me understand... Yes this guy Cheban is without doubt an industrial size tool, but what makes the vacuous, celebrity obsessed Gawker crew any different? Is this not the proverbial pot and black kettle scenario?

Dumb motherfuckers.

Nicole Kidman Seeks Restraining Order [AP, Yahoo]

Who's that throwing up signs at Snoop Dogg at the Blender Sessions With Snoop Dogg party at Sundance? Why, it's none other than Tobey Maguire (or, as his homies call him, T-O-Double Chin) and his boo, Jennifer Meyer (aka, Jenny From the Gated Block).

Current Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon (left) is twenty years older than Finance Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (right).

Has Jonathan Cheban encountered murky waters? Has his glossy status been penetrated? The repercussions of his prominent shilling in yesterday's Washington Post article lead us to believe that our favorite publicist/hanger-on/phone-lover might not be invincible:

When Page Six reported that Drew Barrymore, actress/arm candy of Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, was spotted with a friend at Fifth Avenue's Bridal Suite of Manhattan, prepubescent Strokes-watchers were all atwitter. Sure, Barrymore said she was there to help her friend, but that's not going to stop the buzz that Barrymore and Moretti could be looking for some matrimonial indie-bliss. What the paper didn't report, however, was the name of Barrymore's friend, who, as documented by these reader-supplied images, is none other than Juliet Joslin. Yes, that Juliet Joslin, the very lady who happens to be genuinely engaged to lead Stroke Julian Casablancas. While breakup rumors for The Julianet seem to flow as constantly as the grease from Casablancas' locks, we've also been hearing numerous reports (read: more than three) that pair might be headed down the aisle in February. Which would make these pictures very interesting, don't you think?

· As if physical fear weren't enough to keep ABC execs from crossing Star Jones, the View host pulled a "sickout protest." The charming newlywed failed to show up for work on January 7, when she learned that producers had deleted all of her free plugs in the InStyle Celebrity Weddings special, which airs tomorrow night. [Page Six]
· We hadn't heard, but apparently the modeling world is in dire straits. As such, the Elite agency is resurrecting former guru John Casablancas out of his Brazilian retirement. But will his modeling school advertisements in the back of Seventeen be able to save the industry? [R&M (2nd item)]
· Guests noted that Daily News owner Mort Zuckerman spent a lot of time on his cellphone outside of Donald Trump's wedding to Melania Knauss at Mar-a-Lago, but, to be fair, calling your reporters with the event's details takes a lot of time. [Page Six]
· Ruling out all possibilities for a tag-team sex tape, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie might be parting their professional ways. [Scoop (2nd item)]
· Actress Shar Jackson is tired of living in the shadow of Britney Spears, who's married her baby daddy Kevin Federline. Let's remember, Shar spit those devil babies out all by herself and deserves credit. [Lowdown]

Last night's episode of Larry King Live featured Owen Lafave, the husband (still?) of Debra Lafave, a Florida schoolteacher accused of having sex with a 14-year-old student. Never being one to softball his audience, King went for the important questions:

· You know you want to know who, exactly, are the Hustlers of Hip. No? Too bad: they include Freeman's owner Taavo Somer, American Apparel masturbator Dov Charney, and our favorite crackheads behind Vice magazine. We don't get it, either. [Style.com]
· With the Platinum Metrocard, you needn't ever worry about losing your ticket in a fire. Even better: "Every dollar you spend is a mile earned, redeemable for tissues and gum." [Banterist]
· Does the fine collection of "Grand Theft Auto" video games leave you feeling unsatisfyingly handjobbed? No need to switch to ol' fashioned internet porn just yet. "Playboy: The Mansion" is now available for those of you who just aren't ready for human contact. [Playboy: The Mansion]
· Set your TiVos, America! Katie Couric will be talking about teens and sex on racy NBC at the naughty 10 o'clock hour. We can't wait to hear her cheerfully explain "friends with benefits." [AP]
· We have to break our promise; there's no way in hell we're going to read that Cheban article closely enough to give you an analysis. And, frankly, we'd never want to cause you that sort of pain anyhow. [WaPo]

Oh my. Guess we'll need to buy new shoes. It doesn't matter that we weren't directly invited, does it?
Earlier:Race From The Altar: The Competition Heats Up
Gawker Presents: Race From The Altar

· Conor Oberst, aka Bright Eyes, aka magazine cover boy du jour, plays the first of two shows at Town Hall tonight. He bangs the first batch of squeeling teenage groupies immediately after. [Town Hall NYC]
· Junior Vasquez, Johnny Dynell, Liquid Sound Lounge's Jeannie Hopper, and bunch of other DJs take over Spirit tonight for the Red Cross' Tsunami Relief party. Rumor has it that all the event's proceeds are actually going to the Red Cross, too. [flavorpill]
· Big-shot art collector Raymond Nasher owms Matisses and Lichtensteins and Picassos galore (read: he's richer than you). Go hear what he has to say about the collecting world at the American Foundation of Arts tonight at 6:30pm. [AFA]

Thanks to a reader inexplicably in attendance, we've got an exclusive account of the hardly-publicized, super-secret Trump wedding reception:

Click for results as of 2PM EST.
CNN

The San Francisco Chronicle heralds the beta release of Google Video with the headline:

12:37 - Still have E! on. They're showing unfunny SNL reruns. So disrespectful!
12:40 - CNN is much better. Robotic anchorman Wolf Blitzer is talking about Iraqi elections, but I don't think he's taking too well to the Paul Giamatti snub. You can see the pain in his eyes.
12:43 - Ooh, they're going to talk about the nominations in a second.
12:44 - Who's the guy in this Listerine commercial? He's super hot.
12:45 - While reading the Best Actress nominations, Blitzer reveals that he loves saying, "And the nominees are..." Possible career shift on Blitzer's horizon?
12:47 - Oh look, pop culture guru Tour is on. It must be a weekday. His shirt is unbuttoned a little low, and he's not wearing an undershirt. Scandalous, yet fabulous.
12:48 - Tour claims Jamie Foxx owns this year's nominations, but Blitzer counters: "Well, don't black people and white people like Hotel Rwanda?"

Having obtained letters written by Paris Hilton to her then-beau Nick Carter, Page Six reveals that our Paris is not only literate, but also sweet and sentimental:

According to Bloomberg News, Penthouse International Inc. is being sued by the Securities and Exchange Commission "improperly booking $1 million in revenue in the first quarter of 2003."