Richard Cimino Jr. had quite the night last Friday. It's unclear how it started, but the night ended with him bloodied, naked, and gnawing on some poor woman's head.

Dr. Richard Keller, a pediatric endocrinologist at Boston Children's Hospital, was arrested earlier today and charged with the receipt of child pornography. He also worked as a pediatrics instructor at Harvard Medical School and served as a medical director at Phillips Academy for 19 years until resigning last year.

Mini-bottles of booze, or airplane bottles, or, for the purpose of this post, nips are highly underrated. For one, they're inexpensive; Jim Beam should run you no more than $1.50 or so. Two, they're easy to smuggle into bars, making refilling glasses/corner chugging extra convenient. Three, they're easy to drink on the street because (or so I tell myself) everyone will just assume you're downing one of those 5-hour energy drinks. It seems as though 18 workers at JFK Airport are on my level, as they stand accused of stealing more than 100,000 of the nips from incoming American Airlines flights at JFK airport. As Gothamist reports:

After robbing a Santa Clarita Valley bank earlier today, four men sped off in a black Volvo towards downtown Los Angeles trailed closely by LAPD. En route, two of the robbers bailed out of the vehicle while the other two exited the highway and took to the streets of a Los Angeles neighborhood tossing "unknown amounts of cash" out the window. All six of the men involved in the robbery were apprehended after over an hour when a local guy in a silver truck cut them off and forced the Volvo to a stop.

According to a report from the Associated Press, Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev is calling for the release of three members of Pussy Riot, saying that any further imprisonment would be "unproductive."

A Florida woman was arrested yesterday for allegedly attempting to rob a man in the midst of a sexual encounter inside a moving vehicle.

Late Friday evening, the NYPD removed over a dozen exotic and mostly monster-ish animals from an apartment in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. All told, police seized 13 animals, including two alligators, two bearded dragons, five pythons, a boa constrictor, a gecko, a scorpion, and a tarantula. Not entirely sure why they took the gecko, but I'm sure they had their reasons. Neighbors noted the apartment's tenants also had some other scary animals.

A drunk woman has been arrested after making a total ass of herself on a flight.

Earlier today, former MMA fighter Jarrod Wyatt pled guilty to first degree murder and mayhem for one of the more grotesquely violent crimes in recent memory; in 2010, Wyatt cut an 18-inch hole in his friend and sparring partner Taylor Powell's chest before ripping out Powell's heart, tongue and face, all while tripping on mushrooms. As part of his plea Wyatt will serve at least 50 years in prison.

Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was absolved of charges that he abused executive powers when he commuted the sentence of a political ally's son. On his last day of office, Schwarzenegger reduced Esteban Nunez's sentence for voluntary manslaughter from 16 years to seven. Nunez, the son of one time California Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez, was convicted of voluntary manslaughter for the 2008 stabbing of Luis Santos.

A Bank of America branch manager claims she was ordered to rob her own East LA bank after masked gunmen kidnapped her and strapped a device they said was a bomb to her stomach.

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and sometimes it's basically a Tarantino movie.

Red Bull may give you wings, but it does not give you immunity.

As far as drug stashes go, the inside of a roasted chicken is not the worst idea I've heard. But, alas, it wasn't clever enough for a Nigerian mechanic attempting to smuggle $150,000 of cocaine into Lagos from Brazil. Nigerian police arrested him at the Lagos airport after discovering over five pounds of poultry-covered cocaine, all wrapped inside egg-shaped tinfoil.

A U-Haul truck carrying Vice President Joe Biden's campaign equipment was stolen late Saturday night from a Westin Hotel's parking lot in Detroit. Ed Donovan, a Secret Service spokesman, confirmed the theft.

82-year-old Doris Thompson has had quite the career in crime. The octogenarian burglar has a twenty page rap sheet that dates back to 1955. She has at least 25 aliases. And she's been imprisoned nine times since 1983. With a career like that, you'd think Thompson would be satisfied and ready to retire. But this week, Los Angeles police will submit evidence linking Thompson to eight recent burglaries, most of which took place in different doctors' offices.

Generally walking into a fire station and confessing to murder is a good way to get oneself arrested. But a Detroit man was forced to turn himself in twice after the first time didn't stick.

A New Hampshire woman was arrested four times in twenty-six hours, an impressive accomplishment no one really wants to brag about.

Deputies in Florida's Palm Beach County described David A. Kappheim, who was arrested this week for allegedly threatening to murder his "liberal" girlfriend, as being "obsessed with Fox News and the Republican party."

A dispute between a man and a pizza delivery guy resulted in an arrest last week after punches were thrown over missing garlic knots.