We at Defamer realize that Craigslist's "Please check this box if you are actually a famous person anonymously seeking out sexual companionship" celebrity-verification system leaves a lot to be desired, but we can't take the chance that a "huge blockbuster movie star's" request to be humiliated by a less genetically gifted individual might go unanswered, potentially leading to an ugly Santa Monica Boulevard trannie solicitation incident if he's forced to take to the streets to satisfy his unconventional appetites.

We at Defamer realize that once Hollywood-obsessed visitors on the loose in our fine city are done gaping at the celebrated names lining the Walk of Fame, measuring their appendages against those of the stars immortalized in the concrete in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre (note to male tourists: avoid laying your genitals in Bruce Willis' infamous penis-imprint—you'll thank us later), and have escaped the Tickle Me Elmo who won't stop shoving them until they hand over five dollars for a Polaroid, they may be at a loss for further activities to fill the rest of their time here. Accordingly, we are happy to share an exciting opportunity offered by a pair of Craigslist-enabled entrepreneurs promising a one-of-a-kind experience for the adventure-hungry traveler:

Impressive CGI sequences and box office shattering numbers aside, we at Defamer realize some of this summer's major releases may leave audiences feeling a little underserved. All the more credit, then, to an anonymous Craigslist patron who seeks to enhance his Pirates of the Caribbean viewing experience, but doesn't need expensive bells and whistles like 3-D IMAX sequences to do so:

Defamer is committed to bringing together professionals from the entertainment industry who are "working," yet still insecure enough about their place in the local food chain to clarify that said employment is not at a national coffee-retailing concern, and the creative, screwed-up women who might tolerate these and various other "eccentric, funny, Jewish-y issues." Writes an anonymous Craigslist poster who doesn't need to look for dates on Craigslist, OK?:

Having set for ourselves the lofty goal of eradicating all traces of loneliness from Hollywood's solitary streets, we here at Defamer won't stop until every Craigslist-trawling, self-described "producer" has met the girl-doing-what-she-must-to-get- a-foot-in-the-showbiz-door of his dreams:

Defamer is committed to bringing together dateless, self-described up-and-coming professionals in the legal field with one of the ten or so people in this town still impressed by the idea of attending the same social function as Tom Cruise. Trolls a Craigslister:

Defamer is committed to bringing together ambitious, morally flexible, struggling talent and the allegedly well-connected, anonymous Craigslist fetishists looking to help them along on their path to eventual stardom:

Once Jack Nicholson cracked the Seventh Seal and read the words that ushered in Armageddon (we can't even bring ourselves to retype them), things seemed pretty bleak. But while we merely sat and waited for the Four Horsemen of the Hacky Apocalypse to gallop through our party and slaughter us like stuck pigs while we waited in the bathroom line, others were less passive about their post-Crash victory fate (warning: link very NSFW):

Strapped for an Oscar date with the ceremony less than two days away? Craigslist, provider of creative solutions to virtually any kind of Hollywood problem, is more than happy to play matchmaker. Why pay hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars to hire an escort—who'll probably just drug you and steal your wallet while you muse aloud about saving him/her from "the life"—when companionship like this is only a click away?

You've been in this situation countless times: You've just labored through a meeting with some blank-faced NBC development people who are convinced that your brilliant idea "doesn't smell like a show," and, pacing the cold streets of Burbank, you're surprised to see that the frustrating encounter has made you visibly aroused. Covering up your unexpected tumescence with a copy of that day's Variety, you wonder where you can go for for relief. Never again shall you beat off in frustration in the Peacock's parking garage:

For actors afflicted with the crippling, and relationship-hampering, effects of fame, there exists but one reliable outlet for companionship: the anonymous Craigslist come-on:

We must admit, we have yet to see King Kong. It's playing by our house at the Vista theater, but every time we consider that 3-hour running time, we suddenly think of a couple errands we need to run first. Apparently, we aren't the only ones with those concerns, but one intrepid audience member has thought of a novel way to maximize his leisure time allotment:

We at Defamer realize that it's often quite difficult for successful TV writers to find suitably exotic arm candy while spending their best years locked up in a sitcom writers' room, that virtual hermetically sealed sausage chamber jam-packed with white dudes making dead baby jokes while waiting for the Nerf ball to finally come their way. We spotlight this anonymous message in a Craigslist bottle in hopes that we can help one lonely guy find someone sufficiently "presentable" to drag along to industry events, hopefully saving him some money on the extortionist prices levied by top-shelf escort services:

Defamer is committed to helping cash-strapped, female U2 fans connect with the sensitive, anonymous Craigslist posters looking to test the limits of both their self-esteem and their devotion to their favorite band:

Today's Craiglist is brimming with opportunities for fulfilling, short-term relationships. First up, someone's seeking an experienced bi-friendly lady of color to help her and a "male celebrity" round out a threesome:

Defamer is committed to connecting Hollywood directors who lack the funds to hire separate employees to handle driving, cooking, cleaning, pet-tending, and assistant tasks with ambitious job-hunters willing and able to do anything for a chance to get their hands dirty (an occupational hazard of doggy poop-scooping ) in the business. Offers Craigslist:

We at Defamer know that agents have feelings, too, and we're committed to helping heartsick tenpercenters do whatever is necessary to get on with their lives. And if that healing involves a Craigslist ad trolling for someone with whom to trade cheap rent for intimate companionship, who are we to judge? The heart wants what it wants:

We don't expect a Craigslist ad (or, for that matter, this blog) to be proofread meticulously, but if you're planning on taking the gig, you should know what you're getting into:

Defamer is committed to doing what we can to ensure that no one spends a hot Friday night alone, even if their idea of a turn-on involves reliving the death of a beloved royal while getting blown by a relative stranger. From Craigslist: