The story of Democratic Senate nominee Alvin Greene, the 32-year-old unemployed veteran who won Tuesday's primary with no money or campaign, is basically the most bizarre one ever. Maybe he is a plant! One congressman is calling for an investigation.

Many anti-gay activists want to figure out how to eradicate the frivolous, sex-crazed gay lifestyle. Mike White and Justin Long have the answer: let them get married! In this charming pro-gay marriage video the two actors show how its done.

This is Les Phillip, a "Christian conservative" candidate for congress in—where else?—Alabama. What's his plan? "I'm going to Washington to stop [Obama] from destroying our nation—and they're not going to call me a racist." Because he's black.

Roy Moore, candidate for governor of Alabama, wants you to know something about his opponent Bradley Byrne: He once said that "evolution... best explains the origins of life." Not only that, he thinks the Bible might not be 100% true.

Earlier this week, many of you were angry to learn that a Double Down sandwich is healthier for you than a salad. Now the philanthropic Colonel Sanders is going to wipe out breast cancer, by selling you fried chicken!

Nasty Man Rudy Giuliani is endorsing Marco Rubio for Senate in Florida. Though it's more of a petty, pointed non-endorsement of Florida Governor Charlie Crist. Giuliani just hates that guy.

Uh oh, cranky old Senator John McCain's memory is going. "I never considered myself a Maverick," he told Newsweek. Of course, that's just what a real maverick would want you to think.

"Baby-killer" shouter and actual giant baby Congressman Randy Neugebauer hired a sexy consulting firm to help sex up his sexy reelection bid.

Some Tea Partiers protested in Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's hometown of Searchlight, Nevada, this Saturday. Instead of staying home and crying or whatever, Harry grabbed his shotgun and went down to his giant pork barrel "shooting park."

So, this happened. Sarah Palin read a joke about Obama's Teleprompter dependence from a piece of paper. John McCain went hennggh a couple times. America breathed a sigh of relief.

Crazy Senator Jim Bunning is retiring. The Republicans selected normal Republican guy Trey Grayson to replace him. But crazy Ron Paul's son Rand (yes, Rand) Paul is also running, and he's kicking Grayson's ass. Time to call in Cheney.

With the fun people out of the Senate race, New Yorkers have to settle for Joe DioGuardi, who is famous because he fathered that American Idol lady. He is Twittering! He has 74 followers. (Kara is not one of them.)

Once the GOP is done "firing" Speaker Nancy Pelosi (in 23 hours), Michele Bachmann will repeal health care reform with this one-page bill. Anything to rile up the rubes. Romney's probable 2012 platform: magically making the scary future go away!

Hiram Monserrate: still a tremendous asshole.

US Senate candidate Joe DioGuardi's official YouTube channel offers this video, apparently filmed with a Flip camera pointed at a TV, of DioGuardi's appearance on Fox & Friends this morning. He fathered someone you may have heard of!

Today in Queens, there is a special election for the State Senate seat of face-slashing gay-hating Hiram Monserrate. Hiram's running, along with two people who aren't violent psychopaths.

Academy Award-nominee Anne Hathaway: You've brought much joy to the world as the star of such films as The Princess Diaries and Rachel Getting Married (not so much for Valentine's Day) But now you must adopt this dog named Chuck.

New York Republicans want a US Senate seat, and they would like help buying it from Michael Bloomberg, mayor-for-life and richest man in town. But they have no candidates. So, looks like they're asking Mike's girlfriend to run.

Florida governor Charlie Crist must wake up every morning and wonder what happened? He used to be the most popular man in Florida. Now he's telling Greta Von Susteren that his primary opponent gets his back waxed on your dime.

Next week is the special election to fill the former State Senate seat of Hiram Monserrate, who was expelled after slashing his girlfriend's face. Hiram's running. His platform: he's just like Barack Obama, and his opponent is "The Gay Caballero."