Before yesterday's Battle of Spartanburg—aka "another goddamn Republican presidential debate"—Michele Bachmann's campaign intercepted a terrible email from a CBS staffer stating that Bachmann wouldn't be asked as many questions as the other clownidates because she's polling at four percent and will lose. Vulgarity ensued.

Looks like Rick Perry is on Mitt Romney's list! (Right after the guy from LMFAO.) Last night, of course, Perry got Romney to show his "horror movie stepfather" side by doggedly interrupting the GOP frontrunner. Tonight, the Romney campaign put a "brutal" attack ad on YouTube—and then mysteriously pulled it. Drama!

"I was raised to believe that there are no limits to individual achievement and no excuses to justify indifference," reads a message on Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown's website. Weirdly, former North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole said the exact same thing in her Senate campaign announcement speech in 2002. Which leads us to wonder: Is Scott Brown Bob Dole's Wife?

Jon Huntsman has his name back, bringing to an end one of the more amusing chapters of the early presidential campaign.

From anchoring the NBC Nightly News to making cameos on 30 Rock to slow-jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon on Late Night, Brian Williams is truly a jack of all trades. But could he run the country? Who knows, but the folks behind BrianWilliamsForPresident.com are hoping to start a movement to convince BriWi to throw his hat into the ring. They even have a TV ad! The 30-second spot is above.

Every time Sen. Rick Santorum mentions his presidential run, something ominous happens. This morning, a balloon spontaneously exploded while Santorum was yammering about his plan for Medicare. Then, while announcing his candidacy this afternoon, an onlooker collapsed a couple feet away from Santorum's podium. Next, Rick Santorum will summon plagues of locust and lice to announce how he will deal with the debt ceiling. [ABC News]

The Obama administration's Justice Department has given federal prosecutors the go ahead to prosecute former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards, ABC reported late Tuesday.

Los Angeles Democrat Dan Adler, of "I'M KOREAN! WE MINORITIES SHOULD STICK TOGETHER!" campaign ad fame, received 285 votes in his Congressional primary. That's half of one percent of the vote. I guess the Asian-Jewish laundromat vote wasn't as critical as he thought? [Previously]

Rick Santorum is backing away from the campaign slogan featured on the website for his exploratory committee, "Fighting to Make America America again," after it was pointed out to him that it was first made famous in a pro-union poem by the gay poet Langston Hughes.

Click to viewFormer Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is trying too hard again: The Republican, who hasn't officially announced his presidential candidacy, told CNN's Piers Morgan "I'm running for president" only to have his spokesman Alex Conant quickly downplayed the statement, saying "He will have a formal announcement about running for president later this spring." Tim! Chill out! You're going to ruin this for everyone! [CNN]

Fifteen-year-old Chloe Steward of Ankeny, Iowa was terrified last night to find some drunk idiot trying to break into her house's back door at 3 a.m. Naturally, he was an employee of the Tim Pawlenty Presidential Exploratory Committee. That is NOT how you win over voters, pal! You're supposed to drunkenly break into their houses during the daytime, only. Does Tim Pawlenty even train his staff?

Oh boy, we hope this happens: Evil Ned Flanders (né John Bolton) is considering a White House run in 2012, because if "inexperienced senators from Illinois" can do it, why can't he? He's coming for your ass, Ahmadinejad! [Politico]

It started this summer, a wave of demented campaign ads that fell into the laps of lazy political bloggers like manna from heaven. Many went viral. But now the genre is killing itself by trying way too hard.

Haitian presidential candidate and bad money manager Wyclef Jean is telling Haitians what he'd do if elected.

Levi Johnston, the ex-fiancé of former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol, will run for office in Wasilla, the town where Palin served as mayor. Which office? Um, he hasn't filed yet. And the deadline was July 30.

Tennessee candidate Basil Marceaux (Dot Com), who will "immune you from all state crimes for the rest of you life," has an official campain [sic] ad! "Put me in the capitol," says Basil, "so I can do my issues."

This is a campaign video for New York gubernatorial candidate Kristin Davis. Not the Sex and the City actress—the madam who provided former Governor Eliot Spitzer with call girls and was sent to Rikers for four months.

On Saturday night, the son of a Florida state House candidate hid an infrared camera next to his father's campaign signs at an intersection, to catch thieves. Within minutes, his father's opponent and his wife were caught doing exactly that.

According to an anonymous source and the rumor mill in general, Fugees maestro Wyclef Jean is going to announce his candidacy for President of Haiti. Hmm. Does Haiti care that he's had a few problems lately?

The Democratic party, under the veneer of a high-journalism name like "Accountability Now," has launched a new website where you can upload wacky videos of Republican candidates saying stupid things. Isn't this already the entire point of YouTube?