Oh, God, today's Lloyd Grove piece on Barbara Walters. The thesis: Barbara was badly damaged during the recent Donald Trump/Rosie O'Donnell contretemps. The question: Can she survive the age of blabbermouth stardom? The article: A semi-competent rehash of everything you've seen about Walters in the last twenty years, written around a subject who wouldn't talk directly to the author, but who did offer plenty of friends to give quotes. We can handily save you the agony of reading the whole thing.

• Maria Bartiromo: too palsy with her subjects. [NYT]
  

We always enjoy the loopy ramblings of Myrna Blyth, who retired from Ladies Home Journal in order to write books like Spin Sisters: How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness—and Liberalism—to the Women of America. We'd even wondered what was taking her so long to weigh in on that little-known Trump/Rosie/Barbara Walters thing. So we were delighted today, when, at long last, she reached her bony grandma fingers into her changepurse and whipped out her two cents:

We realize a major escalation in the Iraq War is about to be announced, but it's difficult to focus on that sort of thing when most of the conflict-oriented areas of our brain are currently occupied with the Rosie vs. Donald vs. Barbara vs. (possibly, if you believe Donald) Rosie feud. When last we checked in, Donald Trump had sent in a scathing letter to The View's offices, accusing Walters of having called O'Donnell a "pig" and telling him she wouldn't "be here for long." Their response on today's show (video above courtesy of BWE) featured Barbara calling Trump, "that poor, pathetic man...we're moving on." Trump's lightning response time has us suspecting that he drafts his statements the night before, leaving a few specifics blank until the very last moment. ("I find it funny that you should call me a ______ on the show today, because Barbara said you're a ______. Send my love to Kelli! Best, Donald") In his latest missive, he defends The Apprentice: LA's ratings performance, and offered this mellow sentiment to the special ladies in his life:

Donald Trump has already responded to this morning's Page Six item (yup, he's fast, and, apparently, sorely in need of some busy-work around the office), in a letter addressed to Rosie O'Donnell and faxed to The View this morning. (AccessHollywood.com has the entire letter.) Scattered among its many hollow good wishes are the following claims:

We honestly thought that yesterday's epic post updating the latest developments in the Rosie vs. Donald feud (her kids are upset/he only called her a fat pig a couple of times/his ratings are in the toilet) would be the last words we'd have to type on the subject for a while, which we now admit was a naïve presumption, especially so long as the editorship of Page Six is still walking among us. Today's lead story brings us deep into the trenches—The View's hair and makeup room—where Trump's deep-seated distaste for not-very-smart, degenerate fat pigs is tearing Rosie and Barbara Walters apart:

Rosie. Barbara. Joy. That crazy religious broad with the menstrual cycle. While these pioneering feminist icons are justly praised in story and song, we feel that one member of The View has received far too little attention. We speak, of course, of the interchangeable black chick, the rotating cast member whose dusky presence provides the extra soup on of multiculturalism that makes the show just right. Here's to you, ever-changing black lady: You're living proof that as long as you're pleasant, photogenic, and, you know, black, you'll always have a seat at the table.

And so, the tragic denouement from this morning's catfight on The View: Barbara Walters and Rosie O'Donnell got into a whole fight about whether or not Barbara was richer than Rosie, and Rosie said she was not coming back to The View. And she hates all Asian people. We'll miss your ethnic comedy stylings, Rosie.

Earlier: Rosie O'Donnell Chingchonggate Response: "I No Solly"

A reader informed us that the ladies of The View were all sipping conspicuously out of the same ceramicware this morning: The View Winter Mug, artfully adorned with snowflakes and the disembodied heads of the show's four co-hosts, and available for purchase at the ABC online store. A perfect stocking stuffer for the "has everything" agent who will delight in adding an authentic craquelure to Barbara Walters' suspiciously supple portrait by launching it at an assistant's head, the reader went directly to the website to purchase one of the mugs, whereupon they found the following prominent warning:

Canceling O.J. Simpson's If I Did It book and TV special may have cost News Corp. and its subsidiaries $10 million, but they did manage to recoup $1 million of that in a kill fee when ABC and Barbara Walters ultimately passed on hosting the televised portion of the circus. Apparently, Walters was courted because — chuckle — "an interviewer of her stature would give the project an aura of legitimacy." Sorry, but even Edward R. Murrow wouldn't have enough stature for that assignment. Walters and friends waffled on the choice too long, which is why they had to fork over the kill fee; Walters irritated News Corp. even more by later dissing the Simpson deal on the The View, as if she never would have considered such a thing. Her aura of legitimacy remains thankfully intact.

• Yara Flinn went to Oberlin. Also, she's read Kafka. [Friendster]
  

Wynn-Picasso leak update: After favorite suspect Jacob Bernstein came forward to say it was actually his poker- and punk-playing brother Max (pictured) that their mother Nora Ephron had told about Steve Wynn poking his Picasso, we added Max to the suspect poll. This cleverly spread out the Bernstein suspicion among the two brothers, leading to Barbara Walters taking the lead. Now Max writes in to defend himself as well, and he brings a new character into the scenario — Arianna Huffington:

In response to our poll about who leaked the story of Steve Wynn mauling his Picasso, Jacob Bernstein himself writes:

Yesterday, we expressed curiosity as to who might have leaked the story about Vegas casino boss Steve Wynn damaging his $139 million Picasso right before selling it. Witness to the event Nora Ephron claimed it was "very clear" who talked to Page Six, but she did not ID the leaker by name. We have our suspicions, and we admit to throwing out another Ephron quote a little disingenuously — the one where she told one of her sons about it, but that it wasn't a violation of the secrecy pact because her son is "completely trustworthy."

This is a big story about a small moment, but it comes with a big price tag, and a small question about that big story. When Las Vegas casino mogul Steve Wynn poked his elbow through Picasso's "Le R ve," he accidentally scotched a $139 million deal he'd just clinched to sell the painting to hedge funder Steven Cohen. Wynn, who has little to no peripheral vision due to an eye condition called retinitis pigmentosa, was gesturing while explaining the painting's history to his guests. After living through the bizarre experience, Wynn asked his guests not to tell anyone about the accident until he had time to deal with it himself. However, ten days later, the news was leaked to the New York Post. Nora Ephron, who was one of those present, wrote about it for the Huffington Post, feeling she was liberated from the vow of silence after the New Yorker also wrote about the incident. So who broke the silence first? Ephron says, "It was very clear who had given Page Six the item, and it wasn't me." Would you cross a billionaire who laughs like the photo above? Suspects after the jump.

Mummified ABC legend Barbara Walters recently went to the Australia Zoo to film an interview with Crocodile Widow Teri Irwin, whose husband, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, was killed a month ago by a stingray. Now this is completely unconfirmed, but a zoo staffer present during Walters' appearance sends us the following:

On Friday night, 20/20 will air Barbara Walters' interview with Fox News screamer Bill O'Reilly. The two prance around his Long Island McMansion, talk about how he's so fucking tall and marvel at how nice Walters looks when they use that soft, fuzzy lens. Then they get on the topic of why Bill O'Reilly is so bitter, and he drops the dirty bomb: "The FBI came in and warned me and a few other people at Fox News that Al Qaeda had us on a death list."

Here's a fascinating bit of today's View wherein Barbara Walters recounts the miraculous powers of her dog Cha-Cha, who, presumably because she's been treated better than Barbara's own daughter, has no problem expressing affection for her owner. Cha-Cha, in fact, told Barbara that she loves her. Later in the show Barbara called for other stories about talking dogs; if there's no column from Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams over the next few weeks it'll be because Cindy's busy beating her bitches until they say "Only in New York, kids. Only in New York."

• Barbara Walters on Rosie O'Donnell: "As she always says, she doesn't want to drive the bus, she wants to ride it." Either way, it had better stop at Krispy Kreme. [Fishbowl NY]