On the afternoon of September 29 in Allentown, Penn., according to police, a group of high school students who'd just been released from school were moving so slowly while crossing the street that they'd stopped traffic. Officer Jason Ammary attempted to deal with this pressing issue by "issuing verbal commands"; when that was unsuccessful, he approached a 14-year-old student named Keshana Wilson to "get [her] to move along." Ammary says she began to curse at him, "inciting the crowd," which Ammary determined to be an arrestable offense. This is where this video, taken by closed-circuit TV and obtained by the Allentown Morning Call, begins, more or less. (It's missing nearly a minute of footage, for reasons that are unclear.)

This is Anthony Miranda, 24, an enterprising but unlucky young Chicagoan who on Friday learned the hard way that choosing your victim is the most important part of any robbery.

After allegedly smacking his girlfriend upside the head with his guitar, dedicated axeman Edwin Summers offered this explanation: "When a woman messes with my guitar, she messes with my world." Did somebody celebrate Nigel Tufnel Day a bit too strenuously? Because that shit sounds straight out of This Is Spinal Tap.

If you live in Wichita, Kansas, possess a scrotum, and enjoy confrontation, it's probably wise to wear your metal boxer-briefs for the next few weeks. Recently a Wichita man got into an argument with someone who stabbed him in the scrotum (which is not how you make friends!) and had to undergo surgery after part of the needle broke off and got stuck down there.

A Florida woman faces a charge of battery causing bodily harm after breaking the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not throw thy Bible at thy son's girlfriend. She is literally a Bible beater.

Ashley Dennis, stepdaughter of former New York Governor David Paterson, was arrested and charged with assault Sunday morning for allegedly hitting her boyfriend Brian McGuinness—who was arrested and charged with choking Dennis—with a bottle and a frying pan.

Although Floridian father Michael Turner has decorated his body with several tattoos, he didn't want his daughter to get any body art of her own. Tattoos are played out, and also nerdy. Apparently his daughter did not care, however, and convinced her brother to drive her to the tattoo parlor. Felony charges resulted!

One night back in July, 18-year-old Minneapolis resident Malo Dashaunta Gomez decided that the best way to cure his boredom was to shoot off his gun. So he saw some cops hanging out in a squad car and fired off nine rounds at them. Problem solved?

Artist Todd White is famous for designing characters who live in a pineapple under the sea. But did he also design an elaborate kidnap and art theft caper in Huntington Beach? Gallerist Margaret Howell has filed a $7.5 million lawsuit accusing "agents of Mr. White" of imprisoning and assaulting her for several hours, stealing $1 million in artwork, forcing her into "reciting a rehearsed and scripted 'consent' into a voice recorder," and then defaming her to associates.

There has never been a time when crazy shit wasn't happening on New York City subways; but what with all the cell phone cameras and salivating blog vultures out there now, videos of crazy shit happening on New York City subways are rapidly becoming the must-have accessory of the summer season.

A string of strangely motivated assaults in McDonald's restaurants continues to grip the nation. Yesterday, we brought you the story of a woman who launched a half-melted ice cream cake at an employee and then struck her in the face. Today brings the story of a McDonald's in Cobb County, Georgia, where the manager was charged with having punched a woman, seemingly for having entered the premises with a service dog used to help her care for her autistic twin sons.

What was former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn up to on the weekend he was arrested for sexually assaulting a hotel worker? Why, just "[blowing] off steam before the French presidential race" by having sex with three women!

Remember "E-cigarettes," the electronic cigarettes of the future that we're all smoking now, thanks to the marketing genius of some rich guy? Sure, you remember. You're smoking one right now. As you know, nobody better mess with our e-cigarettes? Or else we will throw peanuts at you, or whatever else may be handy at the time in question!

Ever since Lorena Bobbitt cut off half of her husband's penis and threw it in a field, we've all wondered: Can anyone top that? Finally we have an answer: Yes. How? A garbage disposal.

Earlier this week we discovered that used maxi pads contain perfect circle-spots of ladyblood, which makes them sorta bio-hazardous and poisonous and therefore very inappropriate for throwing at police officers' faces, as one woman recently learned.

Police in Delaware, Ohio, were called to the Bridgewater Banquet & Conference Center early Saturday morning to handle a domestic violence call. What they found was Stephanie Robinette, 30, a charter-school teacher, who, while attending a wedding at the center, had "gotten drunk and struck [her husband] several times before locking herself in a car." Here is how Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III describes what happened:

What would you do if a man holding a dead weasel burst into your apartment? By all accounts, one resident of Hoquiam, Wash. played it cool when confronted with that very problem:

Two women who served on the jury that acquitted New York police officers Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata of charges that Moreno had raped a drunk woman while Mata stood guard say they believe that Moreno is guilty.

As part of our ongoing coverage of Starbucks-related danger, we bring you the sad, sad tale of a tussle between one South Florida teen and his thirsty mom. O Starbucks, how your drinks are tearing this nation asunder!

In February, CBS abruptly announced that its correspondent Lara Logan "suffered a brutal and sustained sexual assault and beating" in Cairo while covering the Egyptian revolution. It was odd to make a such a strong, vague statement; it got everyone's attention, but nobody knew what it really meant.