How a state school student reacts to her mother refusing to co-sign on her used Nissan 350Z: By expressing her frustration in words. How an Ivy League student reacts to her mother refusing to co-sign on her used Nissan 350Z: By pistol-whipping her mother in the head. Of course, 17-year-old Rachel Anne Hachero, who's accused of pistol-whipping and threatening her mother over a black 2004 Nissan 350Z, isn't yet an Ivy Leaguer—according to her mother, she's "been accepted to several Ivy League colleges"—but something tells us she'll fit right in. [News Press]

If you are picture-shy—as Texas resident Johnathan Washburn is—you are advised not to assault people who photograph you—as Mr. Washburn did—because then the police are required by law to take a picture of you, and give it to anyone who asks. Which is why you are loooking at a picture of Mr. Johnathan Washburn, courtesy the Austin Statesman and the Austin Police Department. (Washburn allegedly grew angry with a fellow who took a photo of his "mohawk" and demanded that the photograph be erased; the situation escalated to the point where Washburn hit the guy with his skateboard. It's unclear whether or not the offending photograph survived the assault, but Washburn's mug shot more than makes up for it.) [Austin Statesman via The Daily What]

Sunday Times foreign correspondent Marie Colvin—who was in Egypt during the uprising—says that she spoke with "medical sources," as well as an unnamed friend of CBS foreign correspondent Lara Logan, who "suffered a brutal and sustained sexual assault" in Cairo's Tahrir square. The Australian summarizes Colvin's reporting:

When a police officer attempted to arrest 56-year-old Illinois resident Carolee Bildstein in November for a dine-and-dash, she allegedly attacked him with a "clear, rigid feminine pleasure device." I think I saw a porno that ended like this once.

TMZ says a Betty Ford Clinic employee is accusing Lindsay Lohan of battery, and wants her prosecuted. Meanwhile, Radar says a "major blow-up" with an employee drove LiLo to a "secret location." Update: Michael Lohan confirms fight, blames employee.

A 25-year-old Tehranian who blinded his girlfriend's husband by throwing acid in his face has been sentencing to having acid drizzled over his face and eyes. Apparently they're seeking "forensic scientists" to carry out the punishment now. [Daily Mail]

Sadly, being accused of sexual assault doesn't make priests automatic contenders for the title of "Worst Priest in the World." But hiring a hitman to kill your accuser, as Father John Fiala of Texas did? That gets you up there.

In late September, Jon Stewart appeared at a Manhattan Barnes & Noble to promote his new book. A 9/11 Truther shouted some "9/11 truth" questions at him. Afterwards, a Daily Show executive producer punched that Truther in the face.

Friday night, Justin Bieber got kicked out of a laser tag center in Richmond, British Columbia after a 12-year-old claimed Bieber hit him. Justin and his bodyguards showed up and allegedly proceeded to rough up the joint. Oh, baby.

Portland police have re-opened their investigation into the alleged sexual assault of masseuse Molly Hagerty by Vice President Al Gore.

Brent Furer, an aide to Sen. David Vitter, resigned today over reports that, among other things, he'd knifed up his girlfriend good in 2008, sending her to the hospital. And he was the aide in charge of "women's issues." Ugh.

Bill O'Reilly and his "culture warriors" discussed the Internet's police brutality video du jour: the Seattle jaywalking punch-out. Rather surprisingly, all three came down on the side of the woman who was punched by the cop.

If you're a police officer, how do you handle an angry confrontation with a 17-year-old girl who you've stopped for jaywalking? One thing you maybe shouldn't do is punch her in the head. Which is what one Seattle cop did.

Congressman Bob Etheridge has apologized for awkwardly grabbing that "college student" in this morning's hot political YouTube video, after watching it on blogs. Meanwhile, the Democrats have come up with some talking points about the issue, which don't really help.

All these conservative "college kids" wanted was to ask Democratic Rep. Bob Etheridge if he fully supports "the Obama Agenda," but then Etheridge brutally assaults them, asking "Who are you?" ten million times. Who would dare harm such inflammatory brats?

The Naomi Campbell Contrition Tour 2010 continues with an interview in The Mail on Sunday's Live magazine where she says she has grown up and learned her lesson about punching the help. Sure you have, lady. Sure you have.

Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett was beaten with a metal pipe by a crazed thug at the Wisconsin State Fair Saturday. Is mayor-beating a new political trend, and is Tom Barrett now probably mayor-for-life? The answers are yes and hell yes.

Chris Brown has reached a plea deal with prosecutors for beating up Rihanna. It's not what you would call a stiff sentence, considering:

President Obama is okay and everything, but why is he always touching everybody? That hurts! Remember when he put his hand on that Politico reporter's shoulder? Now Politico has brought in the FBI:

Free falling songstress and exotic substance enthusiast Amy Winehouse (pictured left in happier times) is being investigated by the police for allegedly slugging a fan in the face when she troubled the performer for a photograph. A source says Winehouse tossed the jagged cluster of bones that forms her fist into fan Sherene Flash's eye after she asked Winehouse to pose for a snapshot with her following this week's End of Summer Ball. Which is especially sad, since Winehouse started the summer by getting caught on video decking a fan and falling down.