Bad news: The federal government has once again made it harder to find the best online shopping spots for all your counterfeit sports jersey and fake Louis Vuitton bag holiday shopping needs. Why? Because they want your family's holiday gift-giving experience to be authentic.
While listening to Aunt Eunice talk about her recent hip surgery and watching Little Cousin Jaydenlynne text furiously over her plateful of unwanted peas, you slowly chewed your turkey and thought about American's politicians and pundits, and how they are spending Thanksgiving. Am I right?
Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.
Earlier this week we learned that Iran and its pal Hezbollah had caught dozens of CIA spies who always met at a super-secret Pizza Hut in Beirut (using the super-secret code word "PIZZA" to communicate meeting times). Now an Iranian parliamentary leader says that 12 of the spies have been arrested and jailed in cells where they're fed nothing but bread sticks and water.
What is Thanksgiving all about? It's about ringing in the season of conspicuous consumerism we call Christmas, right? So what better way to celebrate that than with a department store sponsored holiday tradition: The Macy's Thanksgiving balloons.
It is America's finest annual tradition: The President of the United States, making small talk with wild animals instead of simply slaughtering them.
Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.
Today we learned that everyone needs a song that plays just for them when they walk into a room. We also learned that you don't always get to chose that song and sometimes it's just gifted to you. Such was the case with Michele Bachmann and her new theme song, "Lyin' Ass Bitch." Not to leave anyone out, some commenters took it upon themselves to assign songs to some of the other Republican candidates.
There was a flurry of interest in Groupon's stock just before the IPO, driving up the price a bit. But Wall Street's crush on the online discounter was short-lived: Its stock plummeted today, for the second time in a month. Maybe reason will actually prevail in tech investing, just this once.
Angelina Jolie is a frail, skeletal wisp of a woman. A beautiful skeletal wisp, but a wisp nonetheless. And now it appears that she is getting wispier, on account of the fact that, well, she just plum "forgets to eat."
If you had any doubt that Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign is little more than a vanity effort designed to snag camera time and sell copies of her hastily written memoir, add this to the evidence locker: According to internal campaign documents, her own treasurer says she has no plans to field employees or volunteers in Florida, Texas, Michigan, or California, and the campaign hopes at best to raise just $30 million—a lot less than it generally takes to win a national primary.
In your tricky Tuesday media column: how to get fired at the Washington Post, NPR listeners are just so ugh, Lane Brown to New York mag, Michelangelo Signorile to HuffPo, and a shocking report about women in media.
Fascist comedy rag the New York Post has consistently produced more Occupy Wall Street-related works of fiction than any other New York-area performance artist. Remember how they essentially tried to pin all of the world's evils on one woman because she had dreadlocks? Really, really advanced stuff, people.
