Mitt Romney has reportedly been offered a Saturday Night Live hosting gig by executive producer Lorne Michaels himself. The last time a candidate hosted the show was in 1996 when GOP candidate Steve Forbes hosted. (He never made it to the general election.)

Relax — it sounds more exciting than it is. But hey, it's still pretty cool. A 2004 photograph released to the public this week shows a coat and boots sunken in the mud near the Titanic's stern. Based on the way the clothing items are "laid out," there is good evidence this was once a person, says James Delgado, director of maritime heritage at the National Oceanic and Atmosphere Administration.

A powerful storm system hit the Midwest last night, and is expected to continue today: 121 tornadoes were reported. At one point, the twisters "popped up faster than they could be tallied."

In 1984, "mountain man" Don Nichols kidnapped professional athlete Kari Swenson, accidentally shot her, left her wounded, and escaped into the woods where he escaped law enforcement for five months. Anyway, he's up for parole again.

Jake England, one of two men who took part in a shooting spree earlier this month, insists that he isn't racist. In fact — wait for it — some of his best friends are black.

President Obama arrived in Colombia for the Summit of the Americas yesterday, but the Secret Service agents sent in advance of his arrival were M.I.A. That's because 12 agents were relieved of duty and sent home after allegations of misconduct involving prostitution. Former Washington Post reporter Ronald Kessler calls it "clearly the biggest scandal in Secret Service history."

The Miami Aviation Department is holding its annual lost and found public auction this weekend and, holy balls, if you are, or are looking to become, a hoarder, this is the gig for you.

For the first time since we invaded Afghanistan in the wake of 9/11, a majority of Republicans say that the war was not worth fighting. Even the superpatriots, the military do-or-die-ers, the America Firsters, the my-country-right-or-wrong crowd, have come to the conclusion that this war should never have happened. They're right.

Famed psycho-cum-underrated musician Charles Manson was denied parole today for the 12th time, making it highly likely that he will expire in prison.

UCLA was forced to send out retractions to 894 high school seniors who were inadvertently admitted to the elite school following a slip-up on the part of the financial aid office.

A judge has ruled that Sam Zell—the gnomish billionaire and purposeful asshole who singlehandedly bankrupted the Tribune Co. in one short year, thanks to his own personal greed and incompetence—will be the very last creditor to get paid out in the company's bankruptcy proceedings. Dead last. Zell has $315 million of his own money at stake.

Bats, America's most precious bat resource, have been dying like crazy over the past few years (a devastating 5.5 million in the Eastern U.S. since 2007) thanks to something called White-Nose Syndrome, which is not a euphemism for cocaine addiction but, oh boy, does it sound like it.

President Obama goes a bit wild while reading Where The Wild Things Are to children at yesterday's 134th annual White House Easter Egg Roll.

It turns out that Maryland's Mega Millions winner is not the wonderful Mirlande Wilson, who is likely still looking for her pants, nor is it a single person—it's a trio of school employees who went in on lottery tickets together. They're attempting to remain anonymous and will be known simply as the "Three Amigos," which roughly translates to, "We Are Fucking Loaded Now."

The Miss Universe Organization announced today that it will begin allowing transgender women to compete in its annual beauty pageants starting next year.

Could it be that all of the facile Republican rhetoric about college being for snobbish elites who don't want to connect with real, moral America is absolutely true? Yes. Well. In the sense that college makes you more racist. Though Republicans should support that! So much cognitive dissonance today.

Surely I'm not the only one who has jokingly replaced my surname with Alec Baldwin's — you know, just to see how it sounds. But Baldwin's stalker Genevieve Sabourin sent him "a series of annoying and unsolicited communications" that likely turned him off to any potential marriage, even though she went ahead and took his name.

The Mega Millions winner in Maryland has come forward to receive his or her share of the record-breaking $656 million jackpot, but the person's identity will not be released. The Maryland ticket was one of three winners in the country.

While Whitney Houston's funeral was invite-only, all of the citizens of Newark will end up contributing more than they realized. The city will have to pay its police force $187,000 in overtime.

After weeks of silence, George Zimmerman has emerged with his own website: therealgeorgezimmerman.com. Zimmerman's lawyers have confirmed that the site is legitimate.