We were hoping to get at least a tiny break from the Anna Nicole Smith updates, but the Random Celebrity Gossip Generator has output a story so mind-meltingly absurd that it bears immediate attention. By our count (and we're including Larry King, as per yesterday's suspicions) there are no fewer than sixty-eight men in the Dannielynn paternity chase now that Zsa Zsa's husband, Prince Frederick Heinz the Baron Krauss von Espy, has officially entered his DNA into the race.

8. For Your Consideration: Jesus
Shortly after the 1999 Oscars, Anna Nicole offered some startlingly lucid thoughts on the ceremonies to an interviewer with a very Jesusy agenda who had managed to infiltrate the otherwise Godless pageant. Smith raves about "the Italy guy"—we'll assume Roberto Benigni—going so far to liken herself to the aisle-eschewing auteur: "When I act like that, people think I'm drunk! But it's just happiness. It flows."

Almost completely lost in the media chaos following Anna Nicole Smith's death was the fact that soon after News Corp. potentate Rupert Murdoch shocked—shocked!—the entertainment industry by bragging that his 20th Century Fox division had locked up Sacha Baron Cohen for a Borat sequel, the studio had to very delicately inform the world that while Fox loves and admires Cohen and would like nothing better than to lavish millions of dollars upon him for such a project, things were not quite as contractually finalized (the phrases "casual discussions" and "too preliminary to discuss" figured in the statement) as the boss might have erroneously hinted. Following such a public backtracking off a blockbuster announcement, it's not too hard to imagine that an embarrassed Murdoch's vague order to "Make this go away. I don't care how," being taken by an overeager underling as an opportunity to demonstrate his skill in creating the kind of media smokescreen only achievable by the mysterious and unexpected passing of a troubled celebrity.

• Anna Nicole's mom says her daughter was "wild and crazy," and that her rags-to-riches self-portrayal was kind of a lie. Boy, the grief-stricken will say anything, right? [TMZ]
  

Let's be honest, we're all a little broken up about Anna Nicole Smith's untimely exit from this game we call life. But some of us are more upset than others. Take, for instance, Alex Goen, the founder and CEO of TrimSpa. His statement:

This morning's Post, reporting on the Anna Nicole Smith tragedy, put forth the stunning question, "WAS IT MURDER?" We've no idea, but if recent reports from Access Hollywood are to be believed (and really, when aren't they) it may have actually been a case of aggravated vomicide. That's right,

Any attempt to deal with all of the updates about Anna Nicole Smith's death on an individual basis would probably result in "mysterious" and "unexpected" heart failure, so here's our best attempt to round up the developments for your perusal over your first cup of coffee:

Earlier: Going Viral

• Fox to do for business what it's done for the Republican party: Convince gullible yahoos that it isn't a soulless machine out to exploit the most vulnerable members of our society for the benefit of those who were born with all of life's advantages in the first place. [NYT]
  

Here's how the big three local papers covered the tragic passing of Anna Nicole Smith (that'd be the Times at right, of course. Damn you, Keller, show some goddamn respect!). But what about the rest of the country? We took a quick look at the front pages of some random American journals.

Realizing that we can't hope to be as extemporaneously eloquent as an old pro like Larry King, who through his warm evocations of a "classy" and "fun" (though certainly "not the smartest woman in the world") Anna Nicole Smith, pulled a grieving Nation to his consoling, concave bosom and ushered us through this afternoon's harrowing ordeal, we instead choose to remember Smith's life by looking back at her final, tumultuous year. Take a moment to browse these links from our previous coverage of Smith's tragic (and still-unfolding) story, which collectively serve as a cautionary narrative for anyone considering inviting E!'s cameras into their home—while you're busy with that, we'll be submerging our heads in the cleansing waters of the baby duck-tub, trying to get some perspective on what we've all been through.

Not since Cleopatra first cast her spell upon both Julius Caesar and Marc Antony has the world seen a seductress the likes of Anna Nicole Smith. Gifted with the rare combination of beauty, drive, and rapier-like wit, Smith proved that a woman could outgrow her hardscrabble upbringing with a firm sense of herself and the refusal to accept any sort of failure.

Paparazzi agency Splash's promise of CPR video might strike you as excessively opportunistic and morbid, but someone's got to step up and chase the ambulance (figuratively, in this case), even when it's most difficult to do so. What really disturbs us is that right at this moment, Splash and TMZ are probably just haggling over the price, with TMZ arguing they should get a substantial discount because you can't actually see Anna Nicole Smith's soul leaving her body.

This afternoon on the Situation Room, Wolf Blitzer and Larry King shared some special memories about their mutual friend Anna Nicole. Some highlights:

Access Hollywood is reporting (among about a hundred other sources at the moment) that Anna Nicole Smith has been rushed from the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood, Florida to the emergency room after collapsing at the hotel.

In the minutes following Anna Nicole Smith's death today, her Wikipedia page went totally postal. A few bits of web-graffiti saved for posterity after the jump.

Please God, don't take Anna Nicole. Not after she's given us so much.

Into Anna Nicole Smith's ever-expanding accordion file of ongoing court dates and legal troubles, nestled next to tab headings "That Fuckhead Larry Birkhead," "Evictions: My Birthday Present Dream Home Edition," "Stuff the Bahamian Authorities Should Never, Ever Find Out About Daniel's Death," and "When Do I Get My Geezer-Banging Billions, Already?" comes yet another section, marked "Fat Chick Suing Me Cause Her TrimSpa Didn't Work Good":

Chapter headings continue to pile-up for the yet-to-be-written bestseller entitled My Nightmare Year: How I Lost a Son, Gained a Daughter, and Found True Love, by Anna Nicole Smith (as told to a ReganBooks-appointed ghostwriter). The Bahamian inquest into the death of her son is set for March 26. TMZ reported earlier this week that 20 witnesses, including Smith and Howard K. Stern, are being called to testify, and that another will testify they saw Stern give Daniel the methadone that killed him, then "[flush] the remaining methadone down the toilet after Daniel died." Now, a Bahamian law firm Smith hired shortly after the death to handle her affairs is suing her for their fees:

After considering the evidence presented to him by a police investigation, the Bahamas' Chief Magistrate has decided that not nearly enough has been done to turn the overdose death of Daniel Smith into a three-ring, media-accessible circus. A formal inquiry has therefore been scheduled for March 27, where his mother Anna Nicole Smith will likely be called to the stand to answer lingering questions of the, "What the fuck was your child doing popping methadone like they were Altoids?" variety: