Missouri Republican State Rep. Mark Parkinson tweeted a fun erection joke this week and later deleted it, claiming he was out for a walk and "nowhere near" his computer when the tweet was sent. Tweets are only ever sent from computers, making his what we'd call a rock-solid alibi.

A mother who blogged about her 5-year-old son's chronic illness is accused of murdering the child with a fatal dose of sodium, delivered while he was in the hospital.

An 89-year-old man was arrested at his house in North Philadelphia this week on charges of aiding and abetting Nazi atrocities while working as a guard at the Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps during World War II.

Under pressure, the Met Opera has canceled its simulcast of John Adams' The Death of Klinghoffer. The Anti-Defamation League says "the opera itself is not anti-Semitic" but that it "could be used in foreign countries to stir up anti-Israel sentiments." Hitler's favorite operas are still OK, though.

Snickering car collector Jay Leno, America's foremost mediocrity merchant, was today named the recipient of the 17th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Perhaps there has been a mistake?

Angie Martinez—show host, DJ and all-around defining figure at New York City rap station Hot 97—abruptly announced her resignation on Instagram today. They called her "The Voice of New York" for a reason. Her final show is this afternoon.

Louisiana Governor and 2016 presidential hopeful Bobby Jindal issued several executive orders this afternoon to drop Common Core in Louisiana altogether. Jindal once supported the education standards, but when the Tea Party changed its mind about them, so did he.

Today, Florida Governor Rick Scott signed a bill that legalizes Charlotte's Web, a strain of cannabis that doesn't get you high, for treating conditions like cancer and epilepsy.

A dog, Gawker's most powerful columnist, sings this week a haunting song of friendship, love, life and loyalty: "I love friends, I have friends, who's my best friend? Sissko kid! A friend of mine, he likes salted peanuts, eating them all, out the can."

Pitbull looks as happy as a human can be in this photo he posted to Twitter today. He is grinning so hard that the corners of his mouth are black caves as he flips his middle finger with one hand and holds a degree from Doral College in the other. So it's with great regret that we must rain on his parade: this is a fake degree from a fake college.

Rob Morrison, the former CBS News anchor who was arrested last year for choking and threatening his wife, has run afoul of the law again — this time for harassing her by telephone.

Alaska will soon become the second state to give away free pregnancy tests in bars. The program, organized by Healthy Brains For Children, is intended to reduce fetal alcohol syndrome in Alaska, which has the highest rate of the condition in the country.

A new study of options trading prior to corporate mergers finds that insider trading appears to be extremely widespread and "pervasive." The S.E.C. must put a stop to this even if it means arresting every last corporate executive. Preemptive warfare is the American way.

Robby Gabbert, a soldier currently deployed to Afghanistan, was heartbroken to find that his ex-girlfriend, who was supposed to be taking care of his dog, Baxter, had sold the Shiba Inu on Craigslist. After a widespread internet campaign, though, Baxter is headed back to Robby's family.

There are those who routinely overshare on Facebook, and then there is Anthony Elonis.

I don't know whether to be delighted or mortified at the above video, which shows a truly enormous group of ducks, pouring down a roadway like a flood, threatening to engulf anything or anyone foolish enough to dip their toes into the water.

Game of Thrones' meticulously-crafted mechanical version of Westeros makes for one of the most recognizable title sequences on TV, but geek icon Wil Wheaton thought it could do a better job introducing the show's huge cast.

Meat prices are at an all time high. Beef is expensive. Fish is expensive. Nasty swine meat is expensive. Wow, what are you going to eat this summer for protein??? Have no fear!

A stray calico cat snuck into Russia's Leningrad Zoo in search of food, and ended up finding a new home and a new best friend.

Times are tough out there for the Spanish monarchy. In a country where the unemployment rate is an overwhelming 25%, Crown Prince Felipe's ascension to the throne, which happens at midnight tonight, will have guests eating only small snacks with nowhere to sit.