Near the end of her tenure as Secretary of State, one of Hillary Clinton’s closest aides, Philippe Reines, claimed in emails to colleagues and journalists covering the State Department that James Rosen, the 48-year-old chief Washington correspondent at Fox News, had been removed from his post at the agency over allegations of sexual harassment. In one such email, dated January 2013 and addressed to a CNN producer and another State Department staffer, Reines, then serving as a deputy assistant secretary of state, wrote, “Fox has had nobody assigned to State for the last two years after they pulled James Rosen for sexual harassment.”

Finally: A reason to care about the Panama Papers leak—attractive people you know from your teevee screen.

Queen Elizabeth II was overheard Tuesday calling Chinese officials “very rude,” in a conversation with a police officer who’d been responsible for security during the state visit in October.

Recalling an old joke, Donald Trump released a statement celebrating his decisive wins over nobody in West Virginia and Nebraska on Tuesday, adding, “and by such large margins!”

After urging supporters in West Virginia not to vote, Donald Trump nonetheless won overwhelming victories in that state and Nebraska on Tuesday, soundly defeating two men who dropped out of the race last week.

On Tuesday, an attacker believed to have stabbed multiple people after crashing into a Macy’s store in Massachusetts was shot by an off-duty police officer, WCVB-TV reports. Authorities say two victims and the suspect have died.

On Tuesday, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders won West Virginia’s Democratic primary, making the state his second straight victory that party leaders don’t think will make a difference.

In an interview with the Associated Press on Tuesday, Donald Trump appeared unable to remember how many people he is vetting to be his running mate—possibly because he isn’t actually vetting anyone. “I have a list of people that I would like,” which has been narrowed to “five or six people.” Sure!

For the California primary, Donald Trump has selected several people to represent him as delegates. One of those delegates is William Johnson, a famous white nationalist Trump was forced to disavow in January over a series of racist robocalls. But that was then and this is now: “I can be a white nationalist and be a strong supporter of Donald Trump and be a good example to everybody,” Johnson assures Mother Jones.

Last week, Hadas Gold and Joe Pompeo of Politico reported that Michael Bloomberg, the former New York City mayor and billionaire owner of Bloomberg LP, told a mildly funny joke when he paid a recent visit to his company’s bureau in Washington, D.C.:

We warned readers this morning to brace themselves for another whole big exhausting thing with the Bundy family ranchers, thinking that a call from environmental groups for the government to relocate their cattle might prompt another standoff. That might still be the case, but the newest thing we have to contend with turns out to be this completely bonkers lawsuit the Bundy patriarch is filing in federal court.

Today, the New York Times reminded us that Hillary Clinton is, by several light years, the candidate closest to willing to disclose any information the United States government is withholding about contact with extraterrestrials. Great! But what about ghosts?

When he stopped for lunch at Penn Station today, Bill Kristol thought he was merely getting a slice of pizza. Instead, he received a directive to spare America from the horrors of a Donald Trump presidency.

Earlier today, Heidi Cruz joined a conference call with Ted’s volunteer prayer militia, the National Prayer Team, to encourage Ted’s supporters not to lose hope. After all, it took “25 years” (no it did not) to end slavery—Heidi can handle another four with Ted.

Murderous ISIS officer Abu Wahib is dead, killed by an American airstrike. He was a bloodthirsty killer, who both participated in execution videos and organized military strategy. But in death, we should remember him as he lived: looking like a big-ass shawarma meat stack.

Some of Donald Trump’s former friends and acquaintances this week felt compelled to describe him as a business-and-family-oriented man who would never objectify a woman, which he of course would never do now that he’s courting Hillary’s voters. One particular argument to that effect, volunteered by Trump’s former attorney, is hauntingly bleak.

According to my good friend Ted, who I only mocked out of love and friendship and Ted I’m sorry, we might not actually have to say goodbye just yet. Because Ted’s “open” to coming back.