Last week, P&G, the world's largest consumer goods company, announced that it will be jettisoning as many as 100 of its well-known brands of household crap. Now, the corporate equivalent of "Guessing Lindsay Lohan's Fuck List" is guessing which brands will go. Let's play!

This crying baby is certain that the world is a terrible, unkind place and that nothing will ever be OK again. And she's probably right becau—never mind, Katy Perry's "Dark Horse" is starting. She nods her approval. The tempest is averted... for now.

After allegedly stealing a python from Petco, a highly intoxicated Albany woman draped the snake around her neck and drove her Prius into the local firehouse. Sarah Espinosa, 22, has since pled not guilty to "second-degree reckless endangerment, reckless driving, driving while intoxicated, unlawful possession of marijuana, and petty larceny."

Last night Drake closed out OVO Fest, the mini-music festival he throws every year in his hometown of Toronto. A lot of things happened, like Drake bringing out special guests Usher and Lauryn Hill. Now, I wasn't there, but I feel safe saying that definitely the most important thing that happened was him riding over the crowd on a flying stripper pole.

Apparently, Pennsylvania news station WNEP had its coverage of the Wayne County Fair hijacked by 5-year-old Noah Ritter, apparently of Wilkes-Barre. Apparently, Noah has never been on live TV before, if you can believe that, but apparently he gets to watch TV after his grandpa watches the powerball.

Bobby Tufts, America's most beloved five-year-old mayor, has been ousted. After serving two terms as mayor of the (very) small town Dorset, Minnesota, he was defeated by 16-year-old Eric Mueller. Bobby's mom announced the news in a Facebook post.

After a night of drinking with friends last weekend, a 21-year-old Mexico City man accidentally shot himself in the head while posing with his gun for a selfie.

Tarnation! Have you tried to buy bacon lately? ("No, I'm a vegetarian," you say... I WISH. Yeah right). Damn! That pig meat is expensive as all get out these days!

Patricia Krenwinkel, aka "Katie," played a key part in the infamous Tate-LaBianca murders spearheaded by Charles Manson in 1969. She stabbed Abigail Folger so many times, police thought the coffee heiress' originally white nightgown was bought red when they found her body. She also stabbed Rosemary LaBianca, and wrote "DEATH TO PIGS" on a wall on the LaBiancas' house and "HeaLter SkeLTter" on the LaBiancas' refrigerator. During her murder trial, she doodled Satanic images and, along with her fellow Manson devotees, added to the spectacle by shaving her head and carving an X into her forehead.

Vox.com, a website with the editorial mission statement "Hey, it could happen. McWorld!" is exploring a bold new hypothetical: What if everything about the earth was different?

Farmer Derek Klingenberg is also a musician, and he's found an unconventional way of calling his heifers in from the fields: He plays them pop songs on his trombone. Here's his performance of Lorde's "Royals" from Sunday morning.

According to a report from The New York Times, a U.S. major general was killed in an attack by a lone Afghan soldier on Western troops at a military training academy near Kabul today. Other Americans were shot, and the death toll is expected to rise.

In addition to all of the fun "food stamps" and free nights in jail, here is another thing to look forward to as a reward for being poor: having your limbs amputated.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. James Taylor, 20, is in that third camp. He didn't set out to throw the biggest, most outrageous rave West Michigan has ever seen, but it happened. And when the local news showed up, he calmly accepted that destiny had chosen him.

Chris Pratt's Guardians of the Galaxy character, Star-Lord, has a tape of '70s jams as his prized possession, and Pratt can totally relate, because music is an important part of his life, too. For instance, he and his bros in Maui used to smoke weed in a van and bump Dr. Dre's The Chronic 2001.

Arwa Damon, a CNN reporter who's currently being sued for allegedly biting two medics in a drunken rage, apologized for the incident recently via email. The email, obtained by Page Six, begins like so many sorry-I-was-drunk-and-don't-remember-anything notes. "Hey," she writes. Hey.

A plane carrying a second American Ebola patient landed this morning in Maine from Liberia. The private jet—the same that carried Dr. Kent Brantly to the States over the weekend—will refuel and fly to Atlanta, where the patient, Nancy Writebol, will join Brantly in a specially designed branch of Emory University Hospital.

Gannett, the owner of USA Today, announced that it is spinning off its more than 80 newspapers into their own company, because, ah... hey, good luck to all you newspapers, we wish you the best!

In light of the 72-hour cease-fire that began this morning, Israel says it's pulled all of its troops out of Gaza. Gen. Moti Almoz said, "There were a number of forces inside. But all of them have left." Israel and Hamas will now try to reach a long-term peace deal in Cairo.

Players from the Central Catholic High School football team drink from water bottles during practice in Toledo, Ohio, Monday. The water ban that affected hundreds of thousands in Ohio and Michigan was lifted today. Image by Paul Sancya via AP.