Do you see this crab, running back and forth, clacking his claws in eager anticipation? Can you make this crab on your iPhone? No. But you can make it in Gmail.

At least 589 people have died in the earthquake that hit southern China on Sunday. The death toll rose sharply over the last day as rescuers reached more remote locations. A senior colonel in the People's Liberation Army working with the rescue effort told the Associated Press, "There are a lot of people that we may never be able to dig out. But there is still hope."

Two fire department emergency medical technicians claim they had to physically intervene when NYPD officers began beating a mentally ill man who was handcuffed on a stretcher, the New York Daily News reports. The medical workers have since turned the officers in, and the police department's Internal Affairs Bureau is investigating.

A woman walks across the deck of MS Turanor PlanetSolar moored in Athens, Greece. The ship is the largest solar-powered boat in the world and will take part in an archaeological mission to find the one of the oldest human settlements. Image by Thanassis Stavrakis via AP.

Andres Carrasco reached a settlement with Adriana's Insurance Service, Inc. this past June following a lawsuit he filed in 2012 in which he alleged an employee of the company physically assaulted him. The company paid his settlement with a check but also, his attorney claims, in buckets of change that amount to more than $21,000.

Sayeeda Warsi took to Twitter early this morning to announce her resignation from her position as a senior British Foreign Office minister for faith and communities, citing the government's "morally indefensible" approach to the ongoing crisis in Gaza. When she was appointed in 2010, Warsi became the first Muslim to serve in a British Cabinet.

The U.S. major general killed by a lone Afghan soldier has been identified as 52-year-old Harold J. Greene, an engineer on his first deployment to Afghanistan. According to the Wall Street Journal, Greene is the highest-ranking American military casualty in more than a decade.

While addressing 50,000 German altar servers visiting the Vatican today, Pope Francis implored them to cool it with all the internet use. "Maybe many young people waste too many hours on futile things," he said.

Two men were arrested by police early Monday in Hebron, Md. for allegedly attacking their roommate during a heated argument. Paul Martin Hurst, 33, and Cary Lee Edwards, 35, apparently attempted to cut their roommate's tattoo off his arm—when they failed, they set him on fire. The Wicomico County Sheriff's Office believes there to be a "strong possibility" that the three are Juggalos.

As part of a sexual harassment lawsuit filed last month against rap-metal physics students Insane Clown Posse, Kid Rock received a subpoena ordering him to produce, within 14 days, a glass dildo he was allegedly given by a former ICP employee. Instead, Rock produced a missive entitled "All Parties Involved in This ICP Glass Dildo Case Can Shove One Up Their Ass: Kid Rock Responds."

There's an alleged plagiarizer under every journalistic rock lately. The latest target of such accusations is Rick Perlstein, a Nation columnist and the author of a new Big Book About Reagan (this is a genre) called The Invisible Bridge.

Genetically modified agribusiness and pesticide conglomerate Monsanto has a reputation (rightly or wrongly) as one of the most evil companies in America. Here's one way they're working on their PR: by enlisting the help of Conde Nast, and Mo Rocca, and some desperate charities.

In a show of incredible executive strength, Bill Keller, former New York Times editor and current editor of criminal justice-focused start-up The Marshall Project, attempted to lay down some ground rules before his Reddit AMA today.

Wanted: A picture of an allegedly averaged-sized megastar's penis peeking out from a pair of glasses in a below-the-belt Groucho Marx look. Have you seen this dick?

The best way to use Twitter is to follow no one and never tweet, but sometimes social pressures force us off that righteous path. So, we have to compromise: use Twitter, but block everyone who sucks. Who sucks to you?

Of all the details assaulting the reader's senses in Page Six's factual report and/or work of dystopian literature about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding—the giant golden toilet, the marble piano—perhaps the most unabashedly Kanye was Mr. West's alleged 45-minute "toast to himself."

A Russian fisherman says the only thing that prevented a brown bear from killing him was Justin Bieber—specifically, a ringtone of Bieber's first big hit, "Baby."

...Or, at least, that's what his wife and app genius Kim Kardashian claimed on Sunday's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Sen. Rand Paul—who thinks he's the Republican who can get the minority vote in 2016—fucking booked it away from a Mexican immigrant today at a Steve King rally. When DREAMer Erika Andiola announced her status to King, Paul ran like the place was on fire.