While the generally shitty fallout of yesterday's election day can be read about in thorough detail over here, there's at least one law that passed yesterday and should be celebrated: The forthcoming, first-ever soda tax imposed in America which passed yesterday in Berkeley, Calif. with over three-quarters of the vote.

Democrats had a tough night.

Kitsap County police are investigating a possible connection between the murder of a Port Orchard, Wash. mother and a thread on the image board 4chan that appears to contain a confession—and photographs of the woman's body.

Big-ass dicks—huh! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing, according to the true confessions of little-dick enthusiast Monique Anderson. Well, to each her (or his) own in matters of dick physics and aesthetics, but she brings up some good points here.

"We've just had a nonsense midterm election," basic bitch Thomas Friedman writes today. "Never has more money been spent to think so little about a future so in flux. What would we have discussed if we'd had a serious election?" Well? What???

Kelly Rowland, who knows Beyoncé, has given birth to a son with her husband/manager Tim Witherspoon. They have named the baby Titan Jewell.

Former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader Molly Shattuck, the estranged wife of former Constellation Energy CEO Mayo Shattuck, has been accused of performing oral sex on a 15-year-old boy whom she "spotted" on Instagram. Molly, 47, was indicted on nine counts in an ongoing investigation, including two counts of third-degree rape.

Last week, the Virgin Galactic rocket plane SpaceShipTwo broke apart at more than 50,000 feet and crashed in the Mojave desert. One pilot died. But the other pilot lived. Now the question is: how the fuck did he do that?

Inspired by Hollaback's now-famous " 10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman" video, the New Zealand Herald hit the mean streets of Auckland with model Nicola Simpson to expose the street harassment problem in their own country. There wasn't much to expose.

It's hard to imagine a more annoying celebrity dad than Ashton Kutcher, but good news: God has blessed Justin Timberlake and his wife (who?) with a beautiful fetus. US Weekly reports that Timberlake is expecting his first child with Jessica Biel.

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon was not up for reelection last night, but he wanted to be sure everyone went out and participated in the democratic process. So he tweeted a picture of himself voting along with a reminder: Make your voice heard!

While Honey Boo Boo mom Mama June Shannon has denied that she's dating the man who reportedly molested her then-eight-year-old daughter Anna Cardwell in 2002, new photos show she went on vacation with Mark McDaniel in September. Lee "Uncle Poodle" Thompson, uncle to Mama June's nine-year-old daughter Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson, also went on the vacation and has published the photos in the National Enquirer.

Republicans and weed were the big winners in this year's midterm elections. Here's how the Tuesday night results affect you.

Editor's note: On Tuesday night, we received an email from an anonymous tipster calling himself "Donald Duck."

Turns out Alex from Target, the unassuming, handsome young cashier who set teen Twitter users' hearts aflutter this week, may have just been a marketing ploy after all.

A new study estimates that Europe has suffered "a decrease of 421 million individual birds" in the past 30 years.

Chris Rock's SNL hosting debut got a lot of attention for Rock's opening monologue about terrorism and the new Freedom Tower, but it also contained what some are calling the worst SNL sketch of all time: "The Couple."

Does America intentionally make nonwhite voters wait in longer lines to cast their ballots, to deliberately disenfranchise them? Or have centuries of white supremacy simply produced persistent across-the-board inequality of resources, which happens to include unequal access to voting machines?

In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, ninety-year-old volunteer worker Arnold Abbott was arrested this week for preparing and serving a meal to a group of homeless people. He faces a $500 fine and up to 60 days in jail, local news outlet KHON reports.

Last night, rapper Jay Z and his lifelike wife Beyoncé attended a basketball game in Brooklyn, where they watched the Nets thrash the visiting Oklahoma City Thunder, 116 to 85. Or, anyway, that's what was happening in front of them. God only knows what Beyoncé was seeing.