The fiery, war-torn streets of the American urban hellscape that is LA have given birth to some serious vigilantes. Bike theft is running rampant in California's dystopic bowels, so two couriers recently took the law into their own hands.

• More layoffs at the New York Times may be on the way. Uh oh. [Wrap]
• NBC was planning to lose $250 mil. on the Olympics before the games even started. Now it's worried about low ratings/injured athletes, too. [LAT, NYP]
• More bad news for NBC: A poll finds that 69 percent of the people who used to watch Jay Leno have no plans to follow him back to The Tonight Show. [TVG]
• Two-in-one magazine/catalog Lucky has a new publisher. [WWD]
• Movies: The next Twilight installment will consist of two separate movies (everyone gets to pay twice!); Brittany Murphy's final film will hit theaters this summer; and Valentine's Day is expected to top the weekend box office.
• Related: Julia Roberts makes a six-minute appearance in Valentine's Day. That means she was paid about $500,000/minute for her services. [NYM]
• MySpace has clearly seen better times. (Like 2005.) [NYT, LAT, ATD]
• TV: The Ellen DeGeneres Show is staying on NBC, not going to ABC; evil empire Wal-Mart is planning to produce "family-friendly" television programming; and Sarah Palin's fave show, American Chopper, has been canceled, gosh darnit.

Friday Night Lights and American Chopper have been cancelled, Dog (the Bounty Hunter) may be firing his sons from his own show, Syfy is going to start airing kids programming and more!

ABC News just broke into regular programming to report that Bill Clinton has been hospitalized in New York with heart pain.

What's that mathematical formula above? Some professor in Australia claims he's "discovered" the "perfect" age to fall in love and get married.

A reader writes in: "Did Andrea Peyser foreshadow Clinton's trip to the hospital today? Sure seems like it." [NYP]

Men concerned about anal health realize the importance of prostate exams. Dr. Oz drives this point home by getting one brave soul to drop his drawers and let a doctor jam a finger up his butt on national television. LIVE!

Discovery has released this short video compilation featuring Man Vs. Wild's Bear Grylls eating the absolutely nasty things: bugs, snakes, testicles, and raw/living animals (among other things.) Hope you've already eaten lunch!

Alexander McQueen's death has inspired an outpouring of tributes from the fashion world. (Also, thanks to Kate Moss, we learned his real first name.)

Fans Pay Tribute to Alexander McQueen Outside MePa Store [Racked]
Alexander McQueen, Designer, Is Dead at 40 [NYT]

Today at Gawker.TV, Kim Kardashian guests on Today, Stephen Colbert annoys a "green" congressman, The View goes after John Mayer, and The Late Show tallies the use of snowpocalypse vs. snowmageddon in yesterday's news reports.

Congratulations to smashisms for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

On The Real World last night, the tension between Erika and Ashley came to a head. Thankfully, the results were hilarious, and they solidified the fact that Erika is AWESOME. Using footage from yesterday's episode, here are three reasons why.

Erstwhile Gawker editor and New York culturist-at-large Joshua David Stein has created, just in time for Valentine's Day, a romantic Mad Lib for our Brooklyn bobo era, complete with prompts for cheap beer, dive bars, and flash-in-the-pan bands.

1000 Ways to Die combines the rubbernecking of Faces of Death and re-enactment skills of Rescue 911. Last night's episode featured what will surely become the preferred method of offing that guy that always bums a smoke: the cigarette shotgun.

Five finalists have been named in the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene's design a condom wrapper contest. Winner gets their artwork on free jimmy-hat wrappers! The manhole cover design at left was described as such in City Room:

The Way We Live Now: coming to terms with hopelessness. No use being hoity-toity any more! Our neighborhoods are slums, we live off food stamps, and we work in restaurants. We must accept that we are normal!

During CNN's blizzard coverage yesterday, Gene Lasker called in to advise everyone to "Stay in and contemplate Howard Stern on American Idol." Ali Velshi did not pick up that this was a prank call until Gene called Ali a dumbass.

Old folks in Shanghai have taken to scarfing down coke, methamphetamine, and ketamine so they can stay up all night playing Mahjong. First it was eldersex, and now olds are doing kids' drugs? How are teenagers going to rebel now?

Americans plan to spend a lot less on presents this Valentine's Day, according to a survey. In fact, one-quarter of respondents said they planned to spend nothing at all! If you find yourself in this situation and the love of your life bails on you, try reminding him/her that not only are pets getting presents for Valentine's Day nowadays, but some people will be risking life and limb to pick up candy and flowers on Sunday. Fail to pick up a heart-shaped box of chocolates and the terrorists have won!