Continuing his never-ending quest to undermine traditional marriage, President Obama issued a memo ordering most hospitals to honor patients' visitation wishes, meaning that gay homos can now visit their sick and dying gay homo lovers. Next stop: bestiality. [Pic via]

Is that a distended abdomen, or are You just happy to see me, Lord? Oklahoma churchgoers are not very pleased with a new crucifix that appears to grant Jesus a rather sizable dick. Crucifixion? More like "Cruci-dick-tion," am I right?

[The thick layer of ash emitted by the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull will ground flights across northern Europe until midday Friday at the earliest, but if nothing else those Scandinavians are in for some killer volcanic sunsets. Image via Oter's Flickr]

It's official: Paris Hilton has split up with her boyfriend, frozen burrito heir and terrible baseball player Doug Reinhardt! Well, you know what they say about B-list celebrity splits: they happen in fours.

"Friends with benefits," more like, "friends with herpes." According to one not-at-all-fearmongering researcher, having sex with your friends can speed up the spread of STDs. We recommend the tried-and-true "blogger method" of STD prevention, "never have sex, ever." [CNN]

The pilots of the plane carrying the Polish President "saw the crash coming."

Thousands of white people descended upon Washington, DC today to protest Kenyan socialism, or something, and where was President Obama? Oh, you know, in Florida, just cold chillin' with Gloria Estefan and talking shit about the Tea Party.

The Prime Minister of Norway is stuck in New York because of that volcano in Iceland. Oh no! But don't worry: His press secretary told CNN that he "is running the Norwegian government... via his new iPad." [CNN] (h/t drunkexpatwriter)

Tonight, Tracy Morgan gave a hilariously shout-y interview to Jon Stewart on The Daily Show that played out more like the first draft of some forgotten SNL sketch, centering around $75 Morgan says he's owed by Toby McGuire.

It's like the last decade-and-a-half didn't happen! After a fierce back-and-forth between people with lots of money, The Brothers Weinstein—financed by Billionaire Ron Burkle—have bought back the storied Miramax name and catalog.

This is a story about gay porn star Brent Corrigan and how Yale canceled his speaking engagement. If you don't want to read about gay porn stars or precious campus activists or Yale, stop reading now. Ha, thought you did!

Missed out on this season of Project Runway? Well, now's the time to start. The two-part finale starts tonight and we'll be in the comments section of this post having a little party. It's not too late to join us!

According to a new study, health insurance companies invest $1.9 billion in the largest fast food chains. Last year, a study found they invested $4.5 billion in tobacco. Why don't they just pay cabbies to run people over, too? [CNN]

Ever since last Sunday, Treme has been on the brain. I am super stoked for the behind the scenes look at HBO's new breakout hit. Head on into #tvparty and let us know what you're watching tonight!

TONIGHT: Russell keeps ruling Survivor, NBC revisits the last ten years of Saturday Night Live and things get intense in Part 1 of the Project Runway season finale.

This video compiles the best of that ubiquitous beauty vlogger greeting "hey guys!" into a spiraling mess of salutations, in which syllables lose their meaning entirely. How much "hey" can you stand?

Today we looked at the end of the American sardine, prompting a few wistful comments about the forgotten little fish. For some reason, one in particular struck a chord.

[The lines of people filing their taxes at the last minute at the James A. Farley Post Office on Eighth Ave started early today. They're probably hell now. You have until midnight, people! Image via AP]

Today in #tips, Maryland police brutalize a college student, Nike appears to be cool with sexual assault, scary goings-on at Apple, the Trojan virus that could expose your perverted ways, J.K. Rowling's takedown of the Tories, and more.

This Sheriff must have been quaking in his boots as he watched a huge fireball erupt in the sky. This video was taken from the dashboard camera of a sheriff police car, in Howard County, Iowa.