The investigation into the seemingly random execution of a San Francisco woman walking down a pier with her father took an interesting turn this week: authorities say the gun used in the shooting was stolen from a federal agent.

Robocalls are the worst but I would gladly take 153 of them over the course of a year if it meant a quarter-million dollar judgment against Time Warner Cable.

A New York man who says he was rendered impotent after jailers refused to treat his six-day, prescription drug-induced erection settled with the city for $750,000 on Monday, DNAinfo reports.

In a recent interview, “It Wasn’t Me” singer Shaggy offered a novel strategy for vanquishing ISIS, suggesting that marijuana and reggae music—specifically, that of dancehall artist Shaggy—was all it would take to defeat the terror organization.

Apparently, the people of Russia are so dedicated to selfies and/or eager to welcome death that their “high-risk” selfie poses have caused injuries to hundreds and killed dozens more. Naturally, the Russian government was forced to appeal to the nations’s youth in the only way that made sense: dry, informational pamphlets.

Although deer have slipped out of the public eye since their peak back in 2013, there are still young bucks out there making big moves. Like moving into a guy’s house for a year, covering it in piss and shit, and then running off into the woods like everything’s cool as soon as the cops show up.

Hours after his home was raided by the FBI as part of a child pornography investigation, Subway and Jared Fogle “have mutually agreed to suspend their relationships,” according to a statement from the sandwich chain.

American fast-food brand Subway is already making a great show of distancing itself from its mascot of 17 years, Jared Fogle, after Fogle’s home was raided in a child porn investigation. But is the sandwich chain hitting Fogle where it counts? Is Jared Fogle still using his sandwiches-for-life “Subway black card”?

To cap an exciting holiday weekend, one where we celebrated both our nation’s independence and our women’s soccer team’s World Cup win, some chose to prove they turned up in bigger ways than others. Going to work wildly hungover is one way to do that, while entering a Wawa nude at 6 a.m. on Monday morning is another.

Following an FBI raid on Jared “Subway Jared” Fogle’s Indiana home Tuesday, Subway appears to be subtly cutting ties with its human mascot. TMZ reports that Subway has removed pages dedicated to “Jared’s Journey” of weight loss, and to Fogle’s childhood obesity charity, from its website.

The devious, brazen Finnish hacker who ruined Christmas ‘14 just got the book thrown at him in his homeland’s court: today 17-year-old Julius Kivimaki was handed a two-year suspended sentence.

According to CNN, the big-dicked killer escapee Richard Matt gave his lover and supervisor Joyce “Tillie” Mitchell more than just companionship and a beautiful painting: he also gave her pills to “incapacitate” her husband, who the pair were planning on murdering.

In Wisconsin, Republicans led by Scott Walker has done an amazing job of destroying public unions and handing all power over the workplace back to business interests. Now, with little fanfare, they want to take away the right for workers to have a single day off.

A grizzly bear at the Minnesota Zoo smashed a glass barrier with a 50-pound, “basketball-sized” rock, repeatedly slamming it against the window until one of the exhibit’s 5 layers of safety glass shattered. Because there has to be more to life than this, right?

A Milan-based company called Hacking Team does exactly what their name implies: peddles malware and infectious spying software to oppressive governments around the world. And hackers have just leaked over 400 GB of data showing that the U.S. is among these slimy customers.

I know what you’re thinking—these men must be hardened, depraved criminals to be sentenced to such a cruel and unusual punishment. Well looks like the joke’s on you—they paid money to do this! Voluntarily! (Hospital expenses not included.)

Accused Charleston shooter Dylann Roof was indicted on three additional charges Tuesday, ensuring he’ll stand trial on at least 13 counts related to the church massacre that left nine people dead.

During this morning’s episode of Morning Joe, host Joe Scarborough asked the following question about now former Florida State quarterback De’Andre Johnson’s alleged assault of a woman in a Tallahassee bar: “What about the culture that would have a guy think he could get away with punching a blonde woman...like...the other alleged victim at the bar?”

A military spokesperson says an F16 fighter jet collided midair with a small Cessna Tuesday morning, exploding into a large fireball over Charleston, South Carolina.

After he was warned not to go into the bayou with a large alligator this weekend, a 28-year-old Texas man did just that, declaring “Fuck that alligator!” and jumping to his demise. Now a friend of the victim, a man known only as Bear, has made the alligator pay with its life for his buddy’s mistake.