This fuckin’ family. Update: Deen deleted the dumb tweet after the internet yelled at her, but we saved a screenshot.

America’s student loan crisis is heavy weight that hangs over the heads of millions of people young and old, often preventing them from living the life they once dreamed of. One New Jersey legislator has a patronizing and useless pseudo-solution to this problem.

Looks like Bill Cosby’s admission that he purchased Quaaludes to “use” on women was enough to convince even his staunchest defender that Hey, this guy might be guilty.

According to Donald Trump, idiot billionaire and face of YouTube’s popular Annoying Orange, Mexican immigrants who come to the U.S. illegally “have lots of problems” and they’re “bringing those problems to us.” He has publicly claimed that the only things undocumented immigrants have to offer the U.S. are drugs and rape, but privately Trump knows better: they can also construct shiny new hotels, like the one they’re building for Trump in Washington, D.C.

China’s stock market, the most high-flying in the world lately, is now mired in its inevitable crash. What rises too high shall fall again. In the long run, it will be okay. Unless you did something stupid.

Many of us suffered a devastating blow this morning when we learned that beloved sandwich savant and Subway black card holder Jared Fogle had his home raided as part of a child porn investigation. Apparently, however, this news shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise: Back in college, Jared’s original claim to fame was loaning his classmates all the porn they could handle.

According to local NBC affiliate WTHR News, Jared Fogle, the cherubic face of Subway, is currently waiting with investigators while federal agents raid his Indiana home for child pornography.

A group of HSBC bankers executed their own careers when they decided to make a mock ISIS beheading video, and then compounded that stupidity by voluntarily posting the clip on Instagram.

What did this Gainesville-area Wendy’s do to piss off God? Don’t know, but it must have been pretty bad, judging by the unmistakable “fuck you” our benevolent creator sent the restaurant this Sunday.

A South Carolina couple was arrested on Friday after allegedly making their 14-year-old daughter live in a tent in the woods as punishment for eating a Pop-Tart without permission, the Associated Press reports.

The South Carolina senate today took the first step to removing the Confederate flag that waved proudly for years above the statehouse with full legal protection for years—even as the nation mourned a racially-motivated shooting this month in Charleston.

Foo Fighters frontman, guitar guy, and defender of ye mighty chalice of the shred Dave Rock ’n Grohl took a tumble last month in Sweden that caused him to break his leg and get some surgery. We’ve all been there, some of us while working restaurant jobs or not having millions of dollars to ease the unfortunate toll we must bear at the hands of the pricey American medical system. But when a 20th-anniversary Foo Fighters concert is scheduled, a 20th-anniversary Foo Fighters concert must go on, whether Dave Grohl is in Grave Danger or not.

There’s nothing like a man who can dance. A man who can move his body in time. A man who can tap his toes on the sidewalk and belt out a ballad! I love men like this. Consequently I have dated many gay men.

Most people attend a Broadway show with the understanding that cellphones aren’t allowed, you should turn them off, and you won’t need them for the next couple of hours. Most, but not all. Not the guy who tried to plug his iPhone into the set (which is located on the actual stage, to which the entire audience is directing its attention) just before a recent performance of Hand to God.

On the Confederate flag controversy: “Now come all these self-righteous liberals from cities such as New York, Los Angeles and Washington, doing what the Charleston shooter failed to do — sowing division and discord where none exist.”—Marc Thiessen, a white Republican who grew up in Manhattan and works in Washington.

Seamless, the once-simple and reliable food delivery app, has undergone an unwanted and ill-advised redesign. Archived orders? Gone. A user-friendly interface? L-O-L. A functioning website? Depends on how you define “functioning.” Fare thee well, Seamless and burn in hell: you’ve ruined a good thing for absolutely no reason.

The man who was filmed as he repeatedly had sex on a Florida beach last year has been sentenced to two and a half years in prison. Jose Caballero, 40, was convicted in May of two counts of lewd and lascivious behavior.

Thomas Piketty, the French economist and author of Capital in the 21st Century (reviewed here by A Dog), has given an searing interview about the European debt crisis to the German newspaper Die Zeit. (Hamilton Nolan has written it up here.) Unfortunately, the only English translation, an unofficial one posted to Medium by Gavin Schalliol, has since been taken down.

Now that Greece’s citizens have overwhelmingly rejected the idea of continued financial austerity, the rest of Europe—particularly Germany—must decide whether to continue to hound the broke-ass Greeks to repay their debts. And Germany’s own moral superiority is far murkier than Germans might think.

The third stage of the Tour de France was suspended Monday after a tremendous crash took down 20 riders, including race leader Fabian Cancellera. The pileup started when French rider William Bonnet touched wheels with another competitor.