In your paradigm-shifting Tuesday media column: Conde Nast dumbs down, Lara Logan dumbs up, Dave Weigel lands a part-time job, London reporters get paid by the cops, and Glenn Beck has sold quite a few books.

On last night's wander into the black forests of the Garden State, we saw a sad woman at a crossroads. We saw an angry woman coming undone. We saw women who were trying to be better, but failing.

[On a beach in Miami, Ice-T contemplates his impossibly curvy glamourpuss wife Coco's buoyancy. Later, Coco broke out the tanning oil and showed her thong. Such is the fabulous life of Coco-T. Image via INF.]

It didn't take sexy Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown long to become Washington's Greatest Corporate Whore, did it? After Democrats inserted loopholes specifically to secure his vote, Brown has decided to vote no on the financial reform bill, threatening its passage.

Gay sex pals Joseph Price, Victor Zaborsky, and Dylan Ward have been found not guilty of obstruction of justice in the crazy 2006 murder of prominent D.C. lawyer Robert Wone. A $20 million wrongful death civil case is still pending.

For a show that shocks-and-awe's every episode, Warren the Ape truly outdid itself last night. Warren "scares straight" a class of junior high kids by kidnapping them and taking them to a strip club, drug-filled alley, and a dog-fighting ring.

Stephen Colbert petitions to join Simon and Colbert, lauds the work of Terry Richardson and General Petraeus, and asks Michael Hastings where he got the audacity publish the article that lost General McChrystal his job.

Joran van der Sloot is reportedly seeking $1 million for his first TV tell-all.

The actress sometimes known as Hermione Granger met boyfriend George Craig shooting an ad for Burberry. Now she plays the love interest in his band's new music video, about a rich lady who meets a tramp in Brooklyn.

The Democratic party, under the veneer of a high-journalism name like "Accountability Now," has launched a new website where you can upload wacky videos of Republican candidates saying stupid things. Isn't this already the entire point of YouTube?

Last night on Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen asked Real Housewives' Caroline Manzo and Atlanta's Kim Zolciak how they felt about Danielle Staub's "real close" performance with Lori Michaels. Both parties implied it was an offensive ploy for publicity.

A pack of robbers armed with baseball bats beat and robbed 60-year-old Geoffrey McDonald (of the McFlurry McDonalds) and his wife in their villa in the south of France. Why did they have a villa there?

The iPad security breach earlier this month didn't just expose thousands of email addreses, but could also help hackers track down users' physical locations, says a growing chorus of security experts.

Sen. Robert Byrd's body will lie in repose in the Senate chamber, not the usual Capitol Rotunda, which is for cretins. It will be the first such memorial in 51 years. Can he vote for financial reform now? [Image: AP]

Congrats, America. We all may be fat, but we're also home to Lizzie Velasquez, the Texas woman who weighs only 60 pounds and must eat every 15 minutes to stay alive thanks to a rare condition she's had since birth.

NYC supremacy! Teen girl craziness! Vermonster's revenge! Kiddie hypertension! Air bee science! Lying docs! Airline food! It's your somewhat scientific Health Watch, where we watch your health—upon a mountain of iced-cream!

ABC Family's latest offering is Huge, a comedy about a "rough around the edges" teen that's begrudgingly sent away to Fat Camp for the summer. The first two minutes of the show treat us to a strip-tease by Nikki Blonsky.

Week two of Gawker.TV Trivia, go! A daily question & answer game that tests your knowledge of television—past and present. The answer to today's question, inside.

You all see that Elena Kagan hearing yesterday? Too exciting, what with each senator giving a vapid, grandstanding speech, one after another, all day. And the Republican attack line was crisp: exploit her connection to history's greatest monster, Thurgood Marshall.

CNN anchor Anderson Cooper doffed his prissy parka for a tight T-shirt for a new weekly series about the environment. But if you look at this ad, you'll see the show's been underwritten by polluting chemical company Dow. Uh oh!