Jolly old Newt Gingrich decided it's time to join the fracas over the proposed mosque two blocks away from Ground Zero by issuing a NEWT DIRECT alert on his website: America is facing an "Islamist cultural-political offensive"!

Conrad Black was released from prison on $2 million bail, less than halfway through his sentence for swindling investors out of $6.1 million.

This is a video made by The Onion in 2007, showing a congressman—played by an actor—read out a largely classified bill about a zombie invasion. Recently, it's been making the rounds on Facebook—but not as a satire.

[A despicable vandal ruins the clean negative space of a subway sign with a reference to a favorite saying of Queens rappers like Mobb Deep's Prodigy and Nas. Pic via butter team.]

Teen queen Selena Gomez stopped by Late Night to promote her new K-Mart clothing line and movie, Ramona and Beezus. Watch as Gomez also teaches Fallon how to eat popcorn like a Texan: with Tobasco, salt, and pickle juice.

A group of British archeologists has discovered a neolithic henge at the site of the famous Stonehenge monument. What, you mean you don't know what a "henge" is?

A 29-year-old Californian named Travis Kevie was recently arrested after he broke into a closed-down bar and reopened it using six-packs he bought at the store. The best part? The police found out after the local paper published a profile.

During tonight's Top Chef quickfire, the cheftestants stepped outside their comfort zone and used exotic proteins in their dish. Among some of the more odd choices were emu eggs, duck tongue, and duck white kidneys, aka duck testicles. Video inside.

In support of Mayor Bloomberg's ingenious idea to convert old garbage dumpsters into recreational swimming pools, Bill Murray christened the experiment on the Late Show tonight by going for a quick dip. Going green shouldn't mean turning your skin green.

[South African sailors Paloma and Ralph Warner sure had a... "whale of a time"!!!!!! Get it?? Because, you see, a whale jumped on their boat. (The whale is doing okay.) Click for the aftermath. Capetown Sailing Academy via NYP.]

Oh, Ryan. Sweet, self-loathing closet case Ryan (examples here). What homophobic hogwash do you have for us this week? Answer: a lot. Tonight, Ryan stepped up his homophobic game tenfold, and things got ugly (and real). Videos inside.

Man, everyone's apologizing to Shirley Sherrod today. (As they should!) The White House apologized. This random conservative blogger apologized. Now, Bill O'Reilly is apologizing... for the fact that Shirley Sherrod is a racist liberal extremist!

Oksana Grigorieva is being investigated for potentially extorting Mel Gibson with recordings of his racist rantings. No other details have emerged. But how could you extort someone using things that are literally priceless? [NYDN, photo via Getty]

Before 11 year-old Jessi Slaughter was Internet famous for her Youtube videos, she was famous on Stickydrama.com, a gossip website for high-schoolers run by a 31-year-old man. It also has an amateur porn sister site. Delightful, right?

Yesterday, Disorder magazine claimed that 16-year-old Taylor Momsen told them that "her best friend is her vibrator." Perez Hilton wrote a post about it, but changed "vibrator" to "dildo." Momsen clarified via Twitter, and then things got really, really twisted.

Hannibal Burress, Stand Up Comedy's sleeping giant, takes the time to discuss how to stay green and properly condimize a ham sandwich.

Today, Glenn Beck fit a full hour of crazy into his press-conference-shortened show. He started by comparing July 21st, 2010 to September 11th, 2001 (apparently, today marked the end of our republic). Then, he called Brian Urlacher a "Neo-Nazi."

Last night, Markus and Indrani traveled to India. Markus, in his sheltered way, hated the poverty, filth, and chaos of India, whereas Indrani felt at ease around her father, and the school for refugees that she and her dad founded.

Don't watch Top Chef alone, like some forgotten side dish. Become a connoisseur of commentary by joining our live blog! Why be a square when you can be a square meal?

[Mayor Mike Bloomberg shares a traditional New York hot dog with British Prime Minister David Cameron outside of Penn Station this afternoon. We'll leave the easy jokes on this one to you all. Image via Getty]