Did you hear Canada elected a new Prime Minister Monday? He’s a Liberal, and plans to invigorate the economy by investing in infrastructure, and oh, fuck it, he’s pretty hot—like actually hot, not just politician-hot.

I know when that doorbell ring/That can only mean one thing. Trick-or-treaters are here!

“This nowhere,” begins Sharifa Rhodes-Pitts in her 2011 chronicle Harlem Is Nowhere: A Journey to the Mecca of Black America, “between dream and reality, between what one sees and what one imagines, between what is happening and your attempt to describe it, is the territory we wander while awake.”

A woman who recently lost her job dressing up as “Buddie,” a sentient bud of weed who has saucy eyebrows and the body of a humanoid superhero, says she was unfairly fired for raising concerns about on-the-job safety.

Hint: it’s not the one you’re thinking.

In September, an Alabama judge was recorded giving a mandate to the offenders assembled before him, all of whom owed money for fees stemming from their crimes. They could pay up, they could go to jail, or they could give a pint of their blood.

Former NBA Lamar Odom, who was in a coma for roughly four days after being found unconscious in a Nevada brothel, was transferred Monday to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. Although his condition was stable enough for the move, TMZ reports he’s still in some danger from his failing kidneys.

Anything that can be pitched as a startup acquires an undeserved sheen. It’s not a water bottle; it’s a hydration system. This isn’t an overpriced group home from hell; it’s a Brooklyn co-living space.

Jim Webb, who in last week’s debate reminded us that he once killed a man, is dropping out of the race to be the 2016 Democratic nominee for president, according to Fox News. The former Senator from Virginia is expected to make it official at a press conference this afternoon, when he may or may not announce that he’s now running as an independent.

According to court documents filed by New York City Public Advocate Letitia James, the city’s Department of Correction received 116 allegations of sexual abuse at Rikers Island in 2014, but reported only two of those to the NYPD. Of those 116 cases, 61 were allegedly carried out by Rikers staff.

The mysterious death of a man who bit a woman onboard an Aer Lingus flight from Lisbon to Dublin is no longer quite as mysterious. An autopsy found the man had 80 10-gram pellets of suspected cocaine in his stomach, and at least one of them reportedly burst, likely killing him.

Most states saw their high school graduation rates rise last year, and it looks like national graduation rates will rise for the third year in a row. Good. Get em into the horde of bitter commuters as soon as possible.

Well, would you look at this. After nine years under Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s Conservative party, Canadian voters have officially handed the election to Justin Trudeau, giving the Liberal party 184 of the 338 seats in the next House of Commons, according to the New York Times.

Until recently, an annual event at the Pioneer Bar in Sitka, Alaska, commemorating the state’s transfer from Russian control to the United States was known as the “slavery auction.” Going forward, the bar’s owner said Monday, it will be called the “Alaska Day Auction.”

When even George W. Bush, a man who once used the phrase “internets,” doesn’t like you, you know it’s bad.

Here’s a headline for the ages, courtesy of the Baltimore Sun: “County cop charged in testicle-biting incident no longer with department.” Yes, the alleged testicle-biting cop is no longer a police officer.

Christopher Leonard, the 17-year-old boy whose older brother Lucas died in a brutal beating the two of them received last week at the Word of Life church in New Hartford, New York, will testify against at least one of his assailants, the New York Times reports.

Among much lightsaber-wielding and gravelly voice-speaking, the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens is here at last.

The CBC and CTV are both projecting that Canada’s Liberal party will win the national election, and that Justin Trudeau will be the new prime minister.

Nearly a week after he was found on the floor of a Las Vegas brothel, former NBA star Lamar Odom has reportedly been moved to a hospital in Los Angeles to recover.