In an address to the World Zionist Congress in Jerusalem yesterday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu decided it might be a good idea to partially absolve Hitler of responsibility for the systematic genocide of six million Jews. In doing so, Netanyahu parroted an idea that has since been widely rejected by the vast majority of historians.

Plenty of people agree that America should stop throwing every last shoplifter or weed-smoker in jail. On the right they get to talk about reducing incarceration’s burden on taxpayers; on the left it’s a victory for civil rights. Now, even the country’s top law enforcement officials—those who you’d think would be driving mass incarceration in the first place—are getting in on the act.

The NYPD is looking for a man accused of masturbating in a subway station, then pulling a gun when someone tried to catch him on video.

Here is what everyone agrees on: this Halloween, a “massive” asteroid will pass close to earth at “unusually” high speeds. Will it kill us? Well, that is the question.

Look who’s feeling confident: Syrian President Bashar al Assad, who made a surprise visit to Moscow to see Vladimir Putin yesterday. It was Assad’s first trip outside Syria since civil war broke out in 2011.

Reuters reports that Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has approved the historic nuclear deal with other nations. He wrote in a post on his official website today that it should be implemented “subject to certain conditions.”

Paul Ryan on Tuesday listed the conditions under which he would fill the Speaker of the House vacancy that has Republican lawmakers wailing and rending their garments, reports CNN. As much as anything else, Ryan’s conditions lay plain the distrust and discord among House Republican factions:

This crazy-ass cellphone video shows a man stalking an intersection in Oakland with a machete before being first backed into by a red sedan and then smacked hard by a white sedan. The man responds to being deliberately backed into by chopping the hell out of the side of the red car. The footage is certainly troubling.

Police said that an NYPD officer has died after being shot in the head around 8:30 pm on Tuesday evening in East Harlem, the New York Times reports.

An enterprising squatter inhabiting a for-sale mansion in San Francisco has been arrested for allegedly selling hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of paintings from the home, reports SFGate.

Accusations of gender discrimination are gaining traction at Stanford’s business school. But! “Just because the majority of women interviewed felt that it was not always a respectful workplace, [Debra Zumwalt, Stanford’s chief counsel] said, ‘that does not mean that it was not a respectful workplace.’” Oh.

Early Sunday morning, NBC News reports, a plainclothes police officer in an unmarked vehicle shot and killed Corey Jones, a black man, off Interstate 95 in Florida.

Fraternity pledges at the University of California, San Diego have apparently been tasked with acquiring “rush boobs” selfies as part of their “Rush Week” duties. Or, anyway, that was the deal, before one woman who’d been solicited for such a photo blew up the scam on Facebook, and the offending dipshits were suspended by their fraternity’s local chapter.

Ahmed Mohamed, the 14-year-old robotics enthusiast arrested last month for bringing a homemade clock to school (teachers apparently thought it was a bomb), has accepted a scholarship from the Qatar Foundation to study at its Young Innovators Program.

Lawyers from the Disability Rights Legal Center say bureaucratic barriers are illegally and systematically knocking mentally ill homeless people off the welfare rolls in L.A. County, reports the Los Angeles Times.

Police said a 4-year-old girl was shot and killed in a road-rage incident in Albuquerque on Tuesday, KOAT 7 Albuquerque reports.

“No matter how much I love cable-knit sweaters and Gruyere cheese, I don’t want to live in a world where the only cultural inspiration I’m entitled to comes from my roots in Ireland, Switzerland, and Eastern Europe.” Well, this is certainly a bold piece of writing, if nothing else.

Bill Cosby has replaced prominent Hollywood lawyer Marty Singer, who has served on Cosby’s defense team for years, the New York Times reports, in two civil suits with the law firm Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan.

My kids were talking at dinner about the fictional characters Butterbean and Sparkleface.

There’s an old joke that goes something like: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible,” says one Subway customer to another. “Yeah, I know,” says the second guy, “and such small portions.” Well, those two customers really exist, and they sued the company for false advertising back in 2013. In an attempt to finally settle the case this week, Subway agreed to start measuring its footlong sandwiches to make sure they really live up to their names.