Here’s a headline for the ages, courtesy of the Baltimore Sun: “County cop charged in testicle-biting incident no longer with department.” Yes, the alleged testicle-biting cop is no longer a police officer.

Let’s recap: Michael Flaig was a 10-year veteran of the Anne Arundel County Police on the night in question, when he was accused of groping a woman at Looney’s Pub in Canton, a neighborhood in Baltimore. This accusation led to an argument with the woman’s male friend, which, as will happen, reportedly escalated into a brawl.

At some point in the confrontation the man found himself “straddling Flaig’s upper body,” at which time...yes. Testicles were reportedly bitten.

This all happened back in May. Flaig pled guilty to public intoxication and endangering the safety of another person and was sentenced to a year of probation. He was placed on administrative leave after the incident and, late last month, officially left the police force. His alleged testicle-biting days as a member of the Anne Arundel County Police are now over.

Flaig’s attorney, Peter O’Neill, wants you to know the incident, in which his client allegedly bit down on someone’s balls with his actual mouth, isn’t so straightforward:

“The incident isn’t as clear cut as it would appear,” O’Neill said. “From his perspective, he was attempting to defend himself. He admitted the behavior he engaged in did result in the disturbance of the peace, but that’s all he conceded.”

Flaig’s rap sheet is clean (other than this incident, in which he allegedly used his teeth to chomp down on a man’s balls, dear lord), but he was reportedly involved in the 2006 shooting death of a teenager police say rushed four officers while brandishing a pair of scissors. O’Neill suggested the two incidents might be related, referencing “a direct correlation of emotional trauma that was never properly treated.”

Whatever the background, man, DO NOT BITE THE TESTICLES.

[Baltimore Sun]