Last month we brought you the story of Ohio State Sen. Kris Jordan (R), who was involved in a bit of a contretemps with his wife. Although she wound up not pressing any charges, the wife's 911 call during the incident included the worrying line, "He's mad; he's got the gun."

Gene Leonhardt, whose odd threats in defense of his daughter Jessi "Slaughter" spawned several internet in-jokes, has died of a heart attack at 53. In March, he was arrested for punching Jessi, who now lives in foster care. [via @Beschizza]

It's official: High school girls have a constitutionally protected right to post to Facebook pictures of themselves in lingerie toying with phallic lollipops. America is not Saudi Arabia, you know! We are not under Sharia law (yet).

Texas Governor and Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry knew exactly which organization to turn when he needed to hire a treasurer for his campaign—one that matches his almost exactly in tone: Stephen Colbert's.

Today we heard the hilarious news that Michele Bachmann, presidential candidate and confirmed space priestess, wished Elvis a happy birthday on his death day. Michele! What were you thinking? Well, one commenter explained.

To discuss "the plain and often uneasy facts of adoption," Huffington Post Black Voices editor Rebecca Carroll wrote an opinion column called "The Adoption Taboo." Subtitle: "Is There Temptation For Fathers of Interracial Daughters?" Uh oh. I'm not sure I like where this is going.

A 14-year-old kid in Georgia wounded his grandmother and killed his great-grandmother with a "34- to 36-inch sword" on Monday. Fourteen years old! It had to be rap music, right? Or heavy metal? Or—no—videogames.

Yahoo researchers are trying to update the 50-year-old experiment that established the idea that most people are connected by just five acquaintances. Where the old study asked subjects to forward letters, the new one simply connects people through Facebook. The more modern approach could actually demolish old assumptions.

Today isn't only the day Elvis died. It's the day another pop legend, Madonna, was born. She was spotted celebrating today in London with her kids and her new 24-year-old boyfriend. Boy, he really does fit the mold.

When Netflix announced a 60% price hike for streaming and by-mail subscriptions, you'd have thought the sky was falling. More than 12,000 people left comments on Netflix's blog post that explained the changes; thousands more took to social media to complain; and every major media outlet covered the negative reaction to the news. (When has a $6 price change ever sparked such outrage?)

New York City already has four huge Apple stores, which are doing fine keeping the city's residents stocked with overpriced pieces of metal. But that's not good enough for Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz. He's begging Steve Jobs for an Apple Store.

Jack from Will & Grace is working on a new TV show, about gay things. Also today: Jim Belushi is heading back to television, Bradley Cooper makes a wise decision, and there are too many Jeff Buckleys.

Menopause things! Cancer secrets! Exercise longevity! Teen sleepers! Prostate genes! Virus superdrug! Healthy obesity! Addiction breakthrough! And Alzheimer's patients demand pancakes! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in an ultimately futile manner!

Here's a trailer for the bawdy new period sex (historical period, grossies) comedy Hysteria, about the invention of the vibrator. Mr. Claire Danes himself Hugh Dancy plays a young man tasked with calming the nerves of hysterical women by, well, giving them the big one.

Investors showered a socialite's husband with more than $500,000 to build an online mall, where customers maneuvered their avatars into virtual Chanel and H&M shops. They claim the money was blown on living expenses. But did they honestly think this terrible idea would ever make them a dime? Really?

Finally, the Republican got a mighty presidential candidate to bring them to the promised land in Rick Perry, governor of Texas. Will party voices now stop clamoring for new "white knights" to jump into the race and save them from the totalitarian reign of mild-mannered technocratic centrist Barack Obama? Of course not.

Did you know Hustler publisher Larry Flynt has a Huffington Post column? Whereas most celebrity Huffington Post columnists say nothing in as many words as possible, Larry Flynt says nothing in as few words possible. His post today on online privacy is a strange masterpiece of brevity.

Peter Thiel is finally admitting there's a big blotch on his resumé that needs to be cleaned up. Becoming Facebook's first institutional investor was brilliant; thinking he was smart enough to predict big economic swings was incredibly dumb. Six billion dollars dumb. So Thiel will retreat into tech investing.

While I'm usually cutting on Lady Gaga and her videos for being derivative, I must admit that her latest video for single "Yoü & I" is possibly her best yet, unnecessary umlaut aside. Watch her kiss herself, get married, turn into a mermaid, and cavort in a barn!

In your spotless Tuesday media column: more stories of magazine poop, business journalists web-surf predictably, a Florida politico type applauds the layoff of newspaper "pieces of shit," AMI's not for sale any more, and alt-weeklies bombarded with cash.