If you're a hacker, you can't trust anyone. Even the fellow gamers in an Xbox forum. That's how an 18-year-old leader of the notorious hacking group Lulz Security got tripped up, according to one of his comrades.

Michele Bachmann opened her event in Spartansburg, South Carolina today by wishing Elvis Presley a Happy Birthday! How nice. The thing is, Elvis died 34 years ago today. He was born in January. So all in all, a pretty typical day for Team Bachmann.

A new study shows that watching one hour of television can shorten your life by 22 minutes. According to research done in Australia (so how trustworthy can it be?), sitting on your fat ass in front of the boob tube for an hour is deadly, not because you're watching TV, but because you aren't doing anything.

A job for you, perpetually outraged internet hordes! In the New York Times today, Joe Sharkey writes a purely anecdotal story suggesting that the TSA may be racially profiling protecting Americans by patting down black women's hair. Is it true?

President Obama is not traveling around the Midwest in any old jalopy with "JOBS" or "AMERICA" splashed on the side. He's riding in a new pitch-black armored $1 million Secret Service bus. Why is he trying to scare all the people away?

As if Fashion's Night Out—Anna Wintour's fake charity that encourages people to shop with celebrities, free drinks, and parties (but never discounts)—wasn't annoying enough, now the cast of Glee has been named the official spokespeople this year.

Teen angst icon and longtime child star Taylor Momsen is retiring from acting at the age of 18. In an interview with Elle, she says she's all about the music:

All you investors with your crazy research and economic "theories": You should just be reading Twitter! Derwent Capital, a hedge fund that bases its investment strategy on Twitter data, outperformed the market in its first month.

There's a new(ish) trend happening, guys! At movie theaters. Soon gone will be the days of stale popcorn with chemical butter sauce and watery Diet Coke. Instead we'll be feasting upon croquettes and deviled eggs. Movie theaters are getting fancy.

I was too busy cleaning the Fire Island sand out of my crevices last night to watch The A List, but luckily I got on the LIRR at Sayville with Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals. Here's what they had to say about all the action.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, the presidential candidate whom every single political junkie in America is rapidly learning about, has won ten straight elections in Texas since 1984. And do his vanquished foes ever have some stories! Oh, the stories that they have.

Lindsay "thinks Paris is the coolest person on the planet," and wants to seduce her. Salma Hayek promises to spoil her daughter. Jay-Z tips $50,000. Tara Reid's mysterious marriage explained. Tuesday gossip yearns.

Andover kids. Celebukids. College kids. Old people. And—especially—Kreayshawn. Let me stop you right there. Whew! Glad I caught you. Hey, small tip: do not push that button. Do not touch that mic. Do not make that rap video.

Russell Armstrong, husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Taylor Armstrong, has been found dead of an apparent suicide in Los Angeles. His wife filed for divorce last month, and the couple's crumbling marriage was a large plotline on the first season of the show. [TMZ]

This kid star drinks, drugs, and a whole lot more with his adult costar. This young female celeb has a taste for coke. And an all-Spanish blind item! Leave your translations and guesses in the comments as usual... or we'll send a coked-out kid actor after you.

Clive Goodman (pictured) covered the royal family for UK tabloid News of the World until 2007, when he was convicted of phone hacking and sent to prison. Now, a newly released letter from Goodman says that—surprise—everyone at the paper knew about phone hacking, which was routine.

This is a distasteful subject, yes, but let's, for a moment, talk about defenses against a rape charge. I guess people who are charged with a violent rape could say it was a case of mistaken identity, that they weren't the guy who did it. That is about the only possible defense that I can think of! Or, you can try what NYC rape suspect Jason Quinones is saying: that terrified woman whose apartment I broke into totally wanted it.

Around three dozen young people got together on Saturday night in Germantown, Maryland and decided to casually walk into a 7-11 and loot the hell out of it. Local news reports are calling it a "flash mob" — a blanket term that's readily applied to any act of assholery by a group of teenagers in public — when really it's just shoplifting en masse. You can watch the other two parts of the video here and here. Personally, I like the guy who grabs the hat on his way out.

Hypothetical scenario: At your current job, you were once in charge of clandestinely selling 2,000 firearms to Mexican drug cartels in the hopes of bringing down a big time leader, but instead those guns were later connected to multiple homicides (including a U.S. Border Patrol agent). Now, after investigations and apologies and so on, would you expect to get shit-canned and possibly charged with crimes, or would you expect to be promoted to a managerial position? If you work for the ATF, you'd get the latter!

Muammar Qaddafi for the first time used Saddam Hussein's signature weapon, the amazingly inaccurate Scud missile, and missed the probable target of Brega by about 50 miles early on Sunday. Now he's setting giant Acme bear traps around Tripoli.