The death of a reality TV star inspires ruthless rumors. Prince Harry breaks up with his lingerie model girlfriend. Kevin Federline's fifth child is born. Lindsay Lohan goes surfing. Abandon all hope ye who enter Wednesday gossip.

Marvell Scott used to be the sportscaster guy on WABC-TV in New York City. Now he's a doctor. A doctor who just got sentenced to zero jail time for being "inappropriate" with a 14 year-old prostitute. Huh?

Dudes, the publishing industry is sucking harder than a middle-aged hedge fund manager summiting K2. What it needs is a jolt of hot, unadulterated innovation. Get ready, 'cause Amazon's entering the publishing biz with the world's foremost synergetically awesome innovabro.

This married reality show host is getting to know one contestant really well. This singer's multiple plastic surgeries have led to an infection. And these two relationships are in peril. Maybe they should go on a reality show to work them out.

Hey, why didn't anyone ever think of this before? Instead of just allowing gang members to go places and do things, tell them they can't go places and do things. Places are only for good people! Gang problem= solved!

Last February, Kathryn Stockett, author of the immensely popular novel-turned-movie The Help, was sued by her brother's former maid, who said that a character in the book was based on her. And the character clearly was, despite Stockett's credulity-straining denial!

Secessionist GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry was asked yesterday about his inflammatory comments regarding Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. You know, the stuff about giving the chairman a Texas-style ass whippin' followed by execution for treason? According to the Wall Street Journal, Perry told reporters in Iowa, "I am just passionate about the issue, and we stand by what we said." So there you go, whiny liberals. That's how Rick Perry rolls.

Scotland Yard today said that 1,005 allegedly riotous individuals have been charged with various crimes connected to last week's little kerfuffle in Britain, and added that the investigation is "far from over."

Are you feeling the heat from debt collectors? Or maybe you just aren't sure how you'll make your next credit card payment? Whatever the case, just be thankful you don't owe money to Citibank in Indonesia. And if you do, don't accept an invitation to settle in the bank's interrogation room.

Not quite sure what to make of this one, but the AC/DC brand is diversifying:

Known for hypersexual marketing campaigns with nearly naked teens, clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch is no stranger to controversy—but everyone has to draw the line somewhere. For A&F, that point is Jersey Shore star Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.

Bare-chested cop impersonator Victor Willis, aka the former lead singer of the Village People, is attempting to regain control of 32 songs he co-wrote, including their biggest hit, "Y.M.C.A.," whose catchy melody and acronymous choreography has made it a perennial favorite at everything from basketball games to Bar Mitzvahs.

We learned last week how annoying it can be when people take over an entire New York City subway car to throw a party. But there are worse things in this world, as you'll see in this newly uploaded video of an all-girl brawl that erupted on the R train.

There's such thing as being too hands-on a parent. Take for instance Oregon mom Keemonta Peterson, whose box-cutter-assisted, do-it-yourself circumcision of her 3-month-old son resulted in a sentence of five years probation and psychological evaluation.

Although Anne Hathaway stopped by Conan tonight to promote her new movie, One Day, she spent more time talking about her upcoming role as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. Hathaway said that during filming she almost reached her breaking point because of the aggressive paparazzi tracking her every move, but she coped with the stress by writing a nasty rap song about them. And then she performed it.

Police raided Florida's Haven Acres Cat Sanctuary (population: 692 fewer cats than they had before), and in doing so uncovered "the biggest case of cat hoarding the Humane Society of the United States has ever participated in." The proprietors of said kitty slum, Pennie and Steven Lefkowitz, are each facing 47 counts of animal cruelty, which includes one for a neglected rooster. All charges are third-degree felonies.

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert unveiled a word cloud representing the priorities of more than 50,000 people who responded to his call for a suggested focus of his new political action committee. Colbert then enlisted Republican spin doctor Frank Luntz to help him sift through the data and come up with the right language for a political ad. A clip of Colbert's chat with Luntz is above.

The FDA is to be commended for consistently raising the vomit-bar when it comes to cigarette warnings. Next month, they're rolling out nine graphic new labels — collect them all! — featuring the most impressive-looking cancer lungs and sliced-open cadavers we've seen to date. Take that, Saw movie campaign! But your favorite nic-pushers are done playing Mr. Nice Tobacco Conglomerate: They're fighting back! With lawyers!

President Obama left Washington yesterday aboard a $1 million armored black bus for a three-day trip across three states. The Obama administration is touting the bus tour as a way to focus attention on job creation and insists it's not a campaign trip. But Jon Stewart wasn't too convinced on tonight's Daily Show: "I'm sure the president just had some frequent Greyhound miles he had to burn by the end of August."

Having, through "a Facebook contest," effected a coup against the rightful mayor of Forney, Texas, 11-year-old despot Caroline Gonzalez chose to immediately flaunt her power by changing the name of the town's "Main Street" to "Justin Bieber Way."