What makes Arizona the #1 state in the union? It's the little things—sex temples, gun raffles, armed lawmakers—and its recently-retired policy of "sending monitors to classrooms across the state to check on teachers' articulation."

"I love being single." — Floridian Jennifer Hearn, posting to Facebook after allegedly murdering her husband Cliff and burying him in a hog pen. Hearn, who says she shot her husband during an argument, has been charged with second-degree murder.

Having officially determined that God is totally cool with women voting, Saudia Arabia's King Abdullah announced that starting in 2012, women will be allowed to vote and run in municipal elections. Which are the only kind of election anyway!

Saturday Night Live opened its 37th season tonight with a parody of Thursday's Fox News/Google Republican presidential debate. Despite being too long and wrought with cliche—Newt Gingrich has a huge head! Michele Bachmann's eyes are crazy!—the sketch managed to work thanks to Bill Hader as debate moderator Shep Smith and Alec Baldwin as the same confused, babbling version of Rick Perry that showed up to the real thing. A video of highlights is above; the full sketch is viewable here.

President of Pizza and Pokemon Herman Cain won today's straw poll of Florida GOP activists, receiving 37 percent of the votes cast. That's 22 more percentage points than second-place finisher Rick Perry received. For his prize, Cain got to ban a mosque.

Although Floridian father Michael Turner has decorated his body with several tattoos, he didn't want his daughter to get any body art of her own. Tattoos are played out, and also nerdy. Apparently his daughter did not care, however, and convinced her brother to drive her to the tattoo parlor. Felony charges resulted!

Looks like the ongoing #OccupyWallSt protest against corporations got a bit tense on its eighth day, with lots of cops present for today's march to Union Square and the official protest home page reporting at least 80 arrests.

Remember how Kate Winslet had to escape from Richard Branson's private Virgin Island after it caught ablaze during Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene? Well, it appears that the blaze was caused by all the hot hot passion between Winslet and Branson's nephew, Ned, who was also on the scene.

A Chinese civil servant has been arrested and accused of kidnapping six women from karaoke bars to imprison and keep as "sex slaves" a secret room he'd dug underneath a rented basement. So, naturally, the city government arrested a journalist who wrote about the story.

Ending speculation about which office Vladimir Putin would control Russia from, President Dmitri Medvedev backed a plan in which he and Prime Minister Putin would switch jobs in 2012. "Assuming both men win their elections, that is!" [broad wink].

Usually, when you're in a high-speed chase with the police, you only have three options: pull over and surrender, outrun the police and escape, or crash and die. But what if there were a fourth option?

As the resident watchwoman of the Cook County Forest Preserve in Chicagoland, USA, Cynthia Wojtanowski was supposed to make sure that nobody ever used forest lands to grow their deadly devil weed. The County's definition of "nobody" included "Cook County Forest Preserve watchwomen named Cynthia Wojtanowski."

Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins' fairytale romance has ended. Justin Bieber is renting out the Staples Center for a romantic surprise. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are buying paintings. Saturday gossip is here!

Back in 2006, Ignacio Marc Asperas sent the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office a 25-page application titled "Apparatus for facilitating the construction of a snow man/woman." Earlier this month the Office finally approved his application, and starting this winter Asperas will begin suing everyone who builds snowmen without his permission.

Maybe you were swamped at the office this week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're about to work a double and need one last distraction. Whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the best videos we watched during the week that was.

Newsweek Technology Editor and professional Steve Jobs imitator Dan Lyons—author of Options: The Secret Life of Steve Jobs—was completely blown away by Facebook's new design. So blown away that he felt the need to share his feelings with the world:

Pregnantly popping Ana Belis Hernandez of Tegucigalpa, Honduras had to deliver her baby on a city sidewalk all by her lonesome after the taxi driver who was supposed to take her to the hospital decided that he didn't want to deal with all that drama and gore and kicked her out of his car.

The Obama administration has launched a new website for people to submit petitions, because, well, the government's broken, so why not see what the internet is up to? And what the internet is up to is, as usual, demanding the legalization of weed.

Gawker staff writer Maureen O'Connor appeared on CNN's Newsroom with Don Lemon on September 24, 2011. Check out the clip above. For media requests, please contact Kevin Prince at kevin@gawker.com.

It's a scientific fact that teenagers are annoying. But are they so annoying that you should throw urine at them? One 91-year-old man says: Yes. A whole bucket.