Remember the defunct research satellite that was supposed to hit earth this week? It crashed down to earth over the Pacific last night. In unrelated news, I will be taking off the bike helmet I wore all week.

Earlier today we told you about Wet Goddess, the strange and crazy memoir about a man having a sexual relationship with a dolphin that is suddenly getting tons of internet attention. We didn't intend for you guys to go and order it, but we're glad one of you tried.

A British attorney, who represented the family of a murder victim whose phone was hacked by News Of The World journalists, says he is teaming up with a lawyer in the U.S. to begin legal proceedings against the Murdochs and News Corporation.

OK, so who checked out NBC's new dud Whitney last night? It stars comedian Whitney Cummings as a wacky girl with a wacky boyfriend and they do wacky things. Like what kind of things? Well, like using the word "OK" incessantly. Yeah, that's wacky.

The congressional dispute over how to replenish FEMA's disaster relief coffers — which, if not resolved by September 30, could shut down the government — will resume on Monday. Go enjoy a national park while you still can! How about the Washington Monument? Oh, nevermind, the earthquake cracked that sucker good. In that case, do whatever the hell you want.

Here's another sign, if one was needed, that Groupon is coming unhinged when it can least afford it: The company's COO, Margo Georgiadis, has jumped ship after just five short months for her old employer, Google.

Reverse magnets! Dog robot! Cramped fish! Hair story! Cell swallowing! Cool science! Space storm! Fake planets! And studying abuse reveals that everything she said was true! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—with soul!

The only thing we love more than a good joke are the peals of laughter that follow it. Who doesn't want people to laugh at their jokes? This is difficult to convey over the internet, though.

Last year, when Israeli Ambassador Michael Oren announced his intention to speak at the University of California at Irvine, some members of the school's Muslim Students Union plotted to inform Oren of their feelings about some of Israel's policies. They used their voices to do so. This is illegal!

Last night's tragicomic GOP debate crowd YouTube moment, aside from every time Rick Perry got the mic in the second half, involved a gay soldier asking about the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" repeal and getting loud boos from a handful of cretins in the audience.

A particularly gross genre of Internet erotica has sprung up around alluring self-pictures of underage girls found on social media sites. But did you know there are actual people with real lives in those pictures? Meet Miami teen Angie Varona, whose life was turned upside down when she became an online sex symbol.

We're so trained to watch romantic movies that are of the dreaded rom-com variety—with its silly conventions, outlandish plots, and preternaturally good-looking people—that seeing something that is familiar and real is not only shocking and disorienting, but really rewarding. Weekend is a movie just like that.

Russian spies have launched a campaign of psychological harassment against U.S. and British diplomats living there, the Guardian reports, by breaking into their homes and moving things around just to fuck with their heads.

Bestiality advocate Malcolm Brenner—author of famed dolphin sex memoir Wet Goddess—is back in the spotlight!

In your hot wet Friday media column: Keith Olbermann vs. the NYO, Instapaper vs. Business Insider, everyone in America hates the media, Pinch Sulzberger's birthday party, and Time International's new editor.

In the latest dispatch from the eight guidos in the most important sociological experiment of our time, there was an arrival and a departure, a reunion and break up, a prank and a fight, and one woman tottering around on high heels over the cobblestones. Shit got absolutely Shakespearean.

The chief executive and chief financial officers of Solyndra, the California solar panel manufacturer that took a half-billion dollars in federal loan guarantees in 2009 and promptly went bankrupt, leaving taxpayers on the hook, were given an opportunity to explain themselves today before a congressional committee today. They took the Fifth.

Help us out here, economists. Make yourselves useful. Is this what the second dip of a Double Dip Recession feels like? I mean, we do have that nauseating sinking feeling. But we've had that for a few years now.

Bristol Palin was riding the mechanical bull at a Hollywood bar in front of a throng of paparazzi and reality TV cameras, when a rude drunk yelled, "Your mother's a whore!" Bristol marched up to the man, jutted out her new chin, and got into a heated confrontation:

Why does Rick Perry actually do to prepare for his debates? He should prepare more, because he's terrible at them.