Tonight, on television: the season finale of American Politics. After millions of years of campaigning, human president Barack Obama and liquid-metal terminator Mitt Romney will meet on the Sacred Plains for the mythical and deadly Dance of Swords, the traditional choosing ceremony for our people. Who will win their bloody game? Who will retain control the Senate? Will Chris Christie finally attract the attention of his crush Bruce Springsteen? Will top CNN analyst The Will.i.am Hologram seize return to prophesy the birth of a God-Emperor whose reign will surpass a thousand years? Crack election experts "the staff of Gawker.com" will be here to "live-blog" the results as those questions — and more! — are answered. Join us!

The third election night since Gawker's inception is upon us. Read through this dusty collection of aged Gawker posts, beginning with the election in 2004, and delve into a simpler, sweeter time. A time when there was hope and change and Nate Silver was nothing more than a baseball stats obsessive. And now there's this.

Exit polls are out! Exit polls are meaningless and often wrong! But Matt Drudge has posted them, and amended them, and rejiggered them, to make things look better for Mitt Romney. Because they don't look good for Mitt Romney. In fact, they look like he lost.

This story is just about perfect: A West Boca Raton voter was barred from entering her polling place because she was wearing an MIT shirt.

This is it, America's first "social media election." But how do you filter out all of the noise on Twitter from the real juicy data points? We have assembled a list of 12 crucial hashtags to follow for the best source of up-to-date election news on Twitter:

Kick off your finest shoes, walk to the nearest hospital, then stand there waving the American flag and repeating your vote until it is counted — the polls have already started closing in some states!

When I tell people my father is a black Republican, many of them look at me curiously, as if I've just told them I was raised by mermaids. I assume they're surprised not only because much of my personal politics sit decidedly left of center, but also because black Republicans, who made up only 2 percent of the delegation at this year's Republican National Convention, have become somewhat of an urban legend, a phenomenon you might hear about on the news from time to time but will never encounter yourself in real life. On top of their rarity, America's black Republicans must also contend with the fact that some of their most notable comrades come off as either unserious or downright unhinged. For every levelheaded Colin Powell in the public eye, there is a man like Herman Cain, whose bid for the GOP's presidential nomination earlier this year was more circus sideshow than political campaign.

Barack Obama must be very confident in his reelection prospects because he spent some time on his last day of campaigning ever to leave a post on social news site Reddit, most recently in the news for its coddling of creepy racist Violentacrez.

A Des Moines delivery driver employed by Pizza Hut was caught on camera urinating on the door of a customer who neglected to provide him with the customary tip.

Rihanna and Chris Brown are collaborating on a song called "Nobodies Business." It's about a start-up owned by nobodies.

Drudge is breathless about the exit polls rolling in. He says Obama is up in Ohio and Virginia is a "toss up."

Worried that you might not actually know the words to the original "99 Problems," Rush Limbaugh would like to recite them for you. The original lyric, mind you, was indeed "bitch" before Jay-Z changed it to "Mitt" for an Obama rally. Rush would also like to remind you that Jay-Z uses the word "hoes." And also probably "hood."

Was your main beef with Britney and Lynne Spears' 2001 novel A Mother's Gift that it eventually drew to a close, rather than continuing on for an infinite number of pages, seemingly writing itself even as you read on, forever adding new chapters to the lives of musically gifted teenager Holly Lovell and her birthmarked mother, Wanda, whose "ugly red scar on the side of her face...makes people who don't know her turn away"?

Knowing his response could have a significant impact on the outcome of the presidential race, President Obama held off until Election Day to finally weigh in on the "Gangnam Style" phenomenon, and, more importantly, his ability to pull off the world-famous move.

Democracy is not very hard to understand. Its simplicity is a big part of its appeal. One citizen, one vote. Even representative democracy, necessary for unwieldy, far-flung populous nations like ours, is pretty easy: the candidate who gets the most votes wins. Representatives represent the will of the people.

Breaking: The Lord herself has called today's election for Barack Obama—and thrown her support behind gay marriage!—with these totally badass double rainbows over Honolulu polling place Hokulani Elementary, a school only a mile or two from where President Obama grew up. You should probably still vote if you haven't already, just in case, but this one's pretty much in the bag, bro.

Congratulations, I guess, young Americans: " In 2012, for the first time ever, one-third of the nation's 25- to 29-year-olds have completed at least a bachelor's degree." Most college grads ever! This valuable education will help prepare you for a lifetime in which work—if you can find some—never ends, and retirement is but a dream.

'Dying to vote' became a literal reality for one elderly Michigan man who temporarily expired while filling out his absentee ballot yesterday afternoon.

This is the kind of story a natural disaster makes you forget is important: a couple Saturdays ago, Katie Holmes and her daughter Suri had dinner at Mr. Chow next to a group of fellow diners dressed up as Katie and Suri Freedom Fighters for Halloween. Also present: a guy dressed as Tom Cruise's character from Top Gun.

It is Election Day! Time for Americans to come together after months and months of vindictive, divisive, hateful caterwauling about politics and finally put all the barking to a vote. Instagram user outmouth voted for "a gay dog" for president, as you can see above. That was probably not a wise decision, especially if he or she lives in Ohio. But that's the beauty of democracy: Every clown and madman gets to do it as long as they're over 18 and haven't committed a felony.