A team of researchers has announced the discovery of a rare species of South American river dolphin that O MY SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS WITH THE JAWS OF EVIL WHERE ARE EYES KILL IT WITH FIRE AUUUUUUGH.
Police say there is "no indication race was a factor" in the case of a West Virginia man killing two black men who were walking near his house. The shooter told police he thought the victims, who were brothers, were trying to steal from him. In reality, the two men had been looking at a piece of property one had bought.
Old-fart Floridians have found a new way to keep the damn kids off their lawn: Start a shooting range on it. It's totally legal, thanks to a little-known 1987 law that's recently been rediscovered by Beretta-toting bubbas.
In the weirdest look for hip-hop since...oh, Sunday, when Macklemore won all of those Grammys, rapper Wiz Khalifa appeared on E!'s catty Fashion Police. If you haven't seen it, the show is kind of like the judging deliberations on reality competitions stretched out for an entire hour. Every week the winner is Joan Rivers because everyone on the panel (including babbleheads Kelly Osbourne and Giuliana Rancic) bellows at her jokes and otherwise kisses her ass.
While Pete Seeger may not have made it to the Top 40 in recent years, the legendary folk singer-songwriter continued to be influential until he died on Tuesday at 94. An influence on everyone from Bruce Springsteen to Bob Dylan, he helped bring political folk music to the mainstream and was an activist for more causes than we can count.
Did you see the Grammys on Sunday? It doesn't matter if you didn't or if your fingers suddenly just spontaneously broke, rendering you unable to Google or click anything and forcing you to stay on this very page. Who needs Beyoncé's show-stopping opening number when you can watch Vin Diesel's rendition of the same song? Watch him walk, watch him stand, watch him move his body like a toddler with a full diaper. Watch him lip synch not for his life, but for yours.
The co-owner of United Gun Shop in Rockville, Maryland, says 18-year-old Darion Aguilar—who purchased a 12-gauge shotgun at the store, then used it to kill two people and himself in a nearby shopping mall—"was an ideal customer."
We've had some hard times in the past five years. But thanks to The Fed and Almighty God, the economy is booming again. Now you can finally get divorced.
Trying to top his 2012 Christmas gift (an engagement ring), Vas Alli decided to replace his fiancée's childhood bear, "Whitey," which had long ago lost his stuffing and been packed away. But that turned out to be more of a challenge than he expected.
