Comedy Central's criminally underrated Kroll Show devoted most of last night's episode to a reality show pawn-porn parody called Pawnsylvania. In it, Nick Kroll's Philadelphian character swapped pawn shops with Jon Daly's Pittsburgher and verbal hideousness ensued. These accents are so hard to nail (I was flummoxed when Toni Collette was praised for her Philly accent in The Sixth Sense, which was...not a Philly accent), and also hard to differentiate, though they are substantially distinct.

Spoiler alert!

A man arrested for trying to rob an ATM using a blowtorch was discovered to be wearing homemade armored underwear.

Do you, like, care about the environment? Yeah, cool, me too. And you eat organic, yeah? Right, right. But sometimes you just want a burrito, man, like, a big fat flour roll of stuff, and Chipotle's the place, yeah? Oh hey, did you see the news yesterday? Global warming may ruin their guacamole!

Yesterday, we shared a letter from Texas death row inmate Ray Jasper, who is scheduled to be executed this month. Jasper was convicted of participating in the 1998 murder of a man named David Alejandro. Today, David Alejandro's brother Steven shares his own perspective on Ray Jasper, the trial, and the death penalty.

The high school cheerleader and honor student who's suing to force her parents to pay her college tuition has lost her first legal battle. A judge said Tuesday that the girl's parents won't have to cough up child support or pay her legal fees.

Pop star and forever-teen Justin Bieber, 20/M/Canada, continues to fight charges of driving under the influence with an expired license, and videos of the Biebs taking a urine test have been entered into evidence. Yes, Justin Bieber's penis is now a matter of public record.

According to a report in McClatchy, the CIA secretly monitored computers used by Senate Intelligence Committee staffers that the spy agency had provided for the review of thousands of pages of classified documents.

America's top 99 problems, ranked.

The soon-to-be-ex-wife of Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.) got a "temporary protective injunction" against the congressman Monday, after accusing him in court papers of physically assaulting her and threatening to ruin her life.

"Frozen In a Niche?" is the headline of today's Maureen Dowd column, as well as the headline of Maureen Dowd's career.

Every now and then, Lindsay Lohan falls apart, and this time the Oprah Winfrey Network's cameras were there to catch it. Lohan's reality show, Lindsay, debuts on OWN on Sunday, and via this extended first look, seems to include all the chaos that Lindsay wanted us to believe she was through with (a fight with dad, awkward and suffocating hugs from mom, lateness, flaking, a possible breach of her sobriety, etc.).

Just hours ahead of his scheduled meeting in Paris with Secretary of State John Kerry, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov repeated Russia's widely mocked claim that the pro-Russian "self-defense" forces who have seized Crimea are not under Russian command.

Unilever, the parent company of Dove soap was surprised to learn this week that New Jersey residents don't like references to their state's role as the armpit of America.

Is it just Mardi Gras or are all New Orleans cops this cool?

Email may be impersonal, email may be unromantic, but at least email isn't flammable. Unfortunately for hundreds of thousands of Orange County letter-writers, paper is.

A northern California couple who found $10 million in rare coins buried in their backyard may not get to see any of that money—there's evidence the coins were stolen during a turn-of-the-century heist, which would mean they belong to the government.

This supercut of Rob Ford's awkward giggles on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night is awkward, giggly, and terrifying!

Chanel's autumn/winter 2014 ready-to-wear runway show took place Tuesday morning inside a fake supermarket designed by creative director Karl Lagerfeld at the Grand Palais in Paris.

Someone whose texting game is seriously on point has translated "Drunk in Love" (one of the top 14 songs on the latest album by world's best Beyoncé Beyoncé Knowles) entirely into emoji.