Ashton's hot blonde lover tells all. Kristen Stewart says her teachers failed her. Beyonce says her bump is real. Rashida Jones poses in bunny ears and calls penises "unsexy." Wednesday gossip lasts for hours.

  • Finally, the logical conclusion of Ashton Kutcher naked San Diego hot tub party-gate arrives: 22-year-old Sarah Leal tells "her side of the story" about fucking Ashton Kutcher twice on the morning of his and Demi Moore's six-year wedding anniversary, to two media outlets. For the American press, she told the tale to Us. Juiciest detail: raw dogging.

  • "He just came up and kissed me," the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher's first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony. When Kutcher claimed that he was "separated" from wife Moore, 48, Leal tells Us she believed him.

After retreating to Kutcher's bedroom past 6 a.m., "he lost his towel and I took my robe off," Leal says. "Then we had sex."

"He was good," Leal reveals. "It wasn't weird or perverted." It also wasn't 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter.

For the British press, she told a somewhat raunchier tale to The Sun. Juiciest details: Endurance, self-congratulations, and a claim that Ashton "wanted a threesome."

We had sex twice. Everything felt natural. We were having a good time. One thing led to another. He was good but it wasn't weird or perverted or creepy. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me. He had great endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.

The last thing I remember him saying was he did a good job. We woke up and I was wearing a robe. He opened it up and I was like, 'What are you doing?' He was like, 'Just checking. OK, I did good! You're really pretty.'

"He was like, 'I enjoy things like this because I'm an actor 90 percent of the time and it's fake. It's nice to have moments that are real.'" Fatal last words. [Us, Sun, images via WENN]

  • Beyonce's publicist on her client's fake baby bump rumor: "Stupid, ridiculous, and false." So why did the bump cave in, fold in half, and slide into B's crotch on live TV? Stiffly starched dress created tenting situation? Bulletproof bump-armor caves in? [ABCNews]
  • Speaking of Beyonce, she is designing a maternity line. Big untapped market of pregnant women who dance in stilettos while wearing sequined leotards, out there. [Bazaar, People]
  • Diddy hosted a dinner in New York City, and Kanye West, Khloe Kardashian, and Lamar Odom were there. [People]
  • "Blake steals Sandra's Man!" But didn't Sandy break up with Ryan Reynolds, like, months ago? [Celebitchy, OK!]

Playboy to Rashida Jones: "Wait, what's unsexy about a penis?" Answer: "Everything." On dating Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau: "Did you ever have sex in the White House?" Answer: "Oh my God, no. I mean, have you been to the White House? People are sitting around watching you from every angle. They're also, like, planning on how to keep us from economic collapse." [Playboy]

  • Kristen Stewart on balancing school with child stardom: "They failed me. My teachers failed me. Not one, but all of them." As in, they gave you F's, or they failed to teach you? "School became genuinely uncomfortable. I was feeling a little self-conscious about the acting thing with my peers, but also my teachers became a problem. They didn't want to do the extra work or put packages together so I could keep up while away." She notes being "always slightly ashamed… slightly embarrassed as I had such serious ambitions when I was younger. I just never imagined that I would ever have a reason not to go to school. But then this happened." Starting to get a "crazy chick" vibe from Kristen. [The Age, Celebitchy]
  • Two weeks after announcing his engagement, Jack Osbourne announced that his fiancee is pregnant.Mazel tov! [People]

Salma Hayek is launching a beauty line: "If you're not careful, one day you'll wake up and a spider will have taken over your face and you'll be full of lines." What a pretty picture she paints. [Latina]

  • Will Arnett bribes his children with ice cream, as all good parents do. [People]
  • Speaking of children, January Jones took the miniature human she pushed through her loins in public for the first time in his one month of life. She wore a white lace top. He wore a baby outfit. [Us]
  • The brother of Celebrity Apprentice villain Omarosa Manigault was shot dead in Youngstown, Ohio this week. Police say Jack Manigault was sleeping in his bedroom with his girlfriend when the woman's ex-boyfriend forced his way into their home, then shot Jack in the head and pistolwhipped the girlfriend. [Vindy]

Most oversexed child in America Courtney Stodden visited Hollywood's Walk of Fame. Here is a picture of the 17-year-old "placing my hands in Marilyn Monroe's provocative prints & what a perfect fit it is! XOs." [Facebook]