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• The cast of MTV's Jersey Shore officially signed on for season two over the weekend. (Although MTV may now be forced to rename the show, since the cast could be spending next season in the Hamptons.) If you need something to tide you over until the summer, you could always go out and pick up Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's new cologne, which is appropriately named "The Sitch" and smells like a mix of self-tanner, Axe body spray, and some random girl's perfume. [Us, NYP, P6]
• So much for those rumors about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie splitting up. At the Director's Guild of America Awards in LA on Saturday night, the couple looked "as happy as can be," Pitt pulled a chair out for his wife (what a gentleman!), and he spent the evening gently caressing her back. [Us, People]
• Did you miss the Grammys last night? Lady Gaga wore a dress that looked like a fifth-grade solar system science project before descending into a fire pit and then playing piano opposite a crystal-encrusted Elton John; Pink did a Cirque de Soleil-esque performance in a nude bodysuit, twirling on a trapeze and singing upside down; Beyonce won a record-breaking six Grammys; Taylor Swift walked away with four, including album of the year; and the crowd was treated to a 3-D tribute to Michael Jackson as well as brief speeches by two of his kids, Prince and Paris. Click through for the list of winners and the fashion highlights/lowlights. [People, NYP, NYDN, MTV, People]

• Four reasons why music mogul Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party on Saturday night got a little weird: Barbra Streisand supposedly "stole the show" and managed to outshine Rihanna (Babs is about to "make a big return to the pop music scene," apparently); the Black Eyed Peas will.i.am dropped multiple F-bombs during a performance; Ryan Seacrest gave a toast to Davis and "not a single thing he said got a laugh"; and Gerard Butler flirted with every woman in the room except for Jennifer Aniston, who he's supposedly dating. [P6, NYDN]
• The Grammys weren't the only big awards show this weekend. The 2010 Miss America Pageant took place on Saturday night, and if you've ever wondered what it would be like to see right-wing radio host Rush Limbaugh dance to Lady Gaga's "Poker Face," well, here you go. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Rip Torn was arrested over the weekend after the actor, armed with a gun, smashed out the window of a Connecticut bank branch and passed out on the floor. He's since been charged with burglary and criminal trespass, although he now says he broke into the bank because he thought it was his own home. [NYP]
• Lindsay Lohan must be really hard up for cash. Following in the footsteps of Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, and Carmen Electra, LiLo has agreed to be Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner's paid date to the Vienna Opera Ball later this month. Lohan will be paid $150,000 for her "duties," and will have to sign autographs at one of his malls as part of the deal. Hopefully she'll be on her best behavior, since, according to Lugner, Lohan's "managers have told us to make sure that she doesn't drink during her trip." [NYP]
• Actress Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are now engaged. [Us]
• One couple that won't be getting engaged: Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend, who have broken up after nine years together, since their relationship had become "more like brother and sister than lovers" in recent months. [DM, NYDN]
• It looks like super-secret mom-to-be Padma Lakshmi is having a girl, in case you happen to care. [P6]
• If you thought that disgraced South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford couldn't possibly come off as more of an ass, you were wrong. His wife, Jenny Sanford, has a new tell-all coming out, which reveals the governor "pestered" her to see his mistress, even after she'd discovered he was having an affair. And not only was he unfaithful, he was cheap, too: He once took back a necklace he gave her for her birthday after a day. [NYDN]
• Is Sarah Jessica Parker going to appear on the cover of the June issue of Vogue in a bikini? That's the rumor. [P6]
• Danielle Staub of The Real Housewives of New Jersey is a changed woman. Or so she says. The former coke-loving escort claims she's become a "born-again virgin" and doesn't plan to have sex again until she's married. [People]
• Michael Douglas appeared in court on Friday to post bail for his son, Cameron, who pleaded guilty to drug charges last week. He may also be cooperating with authorities in exchange for a reduced sentence. [NYDN]
• Remember when Kayne West was caught on camera smashing a paparazzo's camera at LAX in 2008? A judge has dropped the criminal case now that Kanye has done 50 hours of community service for the Red Cross and has agreed to take an anger management class. [TMZ]
• Jersey Shore's Nicole Polizzi (aka Snooki) didn't really snub Jerry Springer at Foxwoods last week, you'll be relieved to hear. "I wanted to meet you but couldn't," she informed Springer on Twitter the other day. "I kinda think ur awesome." [NYDN]
• Tiger Woods' yacht, Privacy, was spotted returning to port in Florida yesterday, where it was restocked with food and other supplies. But Tiger—who is apparently still making amends/hiding out in sex rehab—was nowhere to be seen. [TMZ]
• You can credit Elton John with saving another life. According to a new book, the singer/part-time interventionist was helped Donatella Versace kick her raging cocaine habit back in 2004. [NYDN]
• Madonna is so obsessed with coconut water that she invested $1.5 million in the drink Vita Coco. Her manager, Guy Oseary, also decided to invest, along with several other celebs, including Matthew McConaughey and Demi Moore. [NYP]
• Some guy named Romiro Benitez filed for a temporary restraining order against Paris Hilton over the weekend, saying that she threatened him physically, sexually, and financially. It's unclear what exactly Paris did to the guy and the restraining order was denied, but he'll have another shot at proving his case at a hearing next month. [TMZ]
• Rachel Uchitel held her 35th birthday party in Palm Beach over the weekend, where she chain smoked, dirty-danced with friends, and then left with a full police escort, which we're sure was totally necessary. [Radar]